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Original poster

Being the older, 'boring' one...

15 replies

Eesha · 27/08/2021 07:19

This is possibly a silly thread but I've returned to work recently, a new contract role. I am very experienced but took the role for flexibility (slightly lower role). The teams all are mid 30s, no children. I'm mid 40s, single parent. I genuinely feel like I'm boring in comparison. Life, for me, is managing my small children and on my few times free, I'm seeing friends for dinner or trying to meet a potential date. My team are always at festival type things, runs, always the latest go to place. I feel incredibly boring and tired in comparison. It didn't help that I caught sight of myself and thought how tired I looked. I used to think I was coolish but I've become a tired mum juggling it all.

BTW, I enjoy the job!

OP posts:

Triphazards · 27/08/2021 07:25

With any luck, most of your colleagues will survive into their forties too. Their lives will probably be different by then.

Also, later in life they may feel less need to lie about their life being continuous ecstasy.

Original poster

Eesha · 27/08/2021 07:36

@Triphazards

I think some are actively trying for children but every night is a new bar or restaurant or planning for a festival thing. I literally work, then child stuff. I might get one evening every 2 weeks and then I'll meet a friend. The last thing I would want to do is an assault course or quadbiking.

OP posts:

SquirryTheSquirrel · 27/08/2021 07:42

I'm almost the other way round - I'm in my late 40s, childfree and most of my team are in their 30s with babies/toddlers. I feel like the boring one because I've no anecdotes about little Johnny saying his first word etc. It is hard when the people you work with are at a different life stage. The main thing is that you enjoy your job - I enjoy mine. I try to concentrate on the positives and if the 'Teams' chat is all about something I can't join in with, I just get on with my work and wait for the subject to change.

HangingChads · 27/08/2021 08:03

Oh god this is me but I'm in my mid-30s and most of my friends are your colleagues! They just don't understand what tiredness is (not that I'd ever try to tell them or complain, but it's just a whole different life isn't it). IDK what the answer is but you're not alone!

Original poster

Eesha · 27/08/2021 22:09

@HangingChads yes, I'm the only one with children. I just don't have the time plus no inclination to do that stuff but then I wonder whether I just got old somehow! I'm definitely at a different stage, 3 years out of an abusive relationship, own home, car, lots of friends but I want to chill a bit and enjoy the easier life rather than the Time Out life

OP posts:

flowersmakeitbetter · 01/09/2021 20:04

Comparison is the thief of joy!

Really, don't worry about it. Limit the amount of 'what you do outside work' chat. It's not necessary. Who cares if you went to the river and fed the ducks? It's what Mums do!

I'm as dull as dishwater because most of the time I am knackered when I am at home. I don't even have children as an excuse!

Original poster

Eesha · 03/09/2021 07:03

@flowersmakeitbetter thank you! My life is non stop with work then sorting the children out. On my weekends I'm seeing family (which I love) or trying to organise a date. I avoid talking children at all. Perhaps im just dealing with feeling old!

OP posts:

onelittlefrog · 03/09/2021 07:10

Why are you comparing yourself?

You are you, they are them. You all have your relative ups and downs in life. You work in the same office, by chance, you're just a random group of people that have come together for no other reason than a job.

The fact that you are older and have a child doesn't really mean anything as long as you're enjoying life and doing what you want (and it sound like you are because you say you have no time/ inclincation to do what they are doing).

I'm not sure what you are asking really? Are you feeling envious that you're at a different stage in life? They will get to where you are in a few years.

Just do you and enjoy your life!

Original poster

Eesha · 03/09/2021 07:17

@onelittlefrog I think embarrassingly I feel envious that they have partners and are doing lovely things with them whereas I'm on my own muddling through. Don't get me wrong, I love my life but seems very hard at times whereas everyone else seems to be having loads of fun.

OP posts:

stillcrazyafterall · 03/09/2021 08:15

Wait until you are in your 60s and realise that you are old enough to be the grandmother of new members of staff...

MatildaIThink · 03/09/2021 08:22

I think you might be making the classic mistake of comparing yourself to all of them at once, people also do it on social media. You measure yourself against a group as a whole and one of them is always doing something fun, every day of the week, where in reality most of them are not most days a week, but people rarely post on social media that they are at home for the fifth night in a row or rush over to tell you in the office that they blew all their money at the weekend so they are eating beans on toast for every meal whilst watching TV for the next two weeks.

You are also a parent which does mean additional responsibilities so that will have an impact, but it does not mean you are boring, dinner with friends and talking is great. I am sure if you had a burning desire to skydive, or spend a weekend ankle deep in mud and urine at a festival you could find a way once a year, but do you really want to...

MatildaIThink · 03/09/2021 08:23

[quote Eesha]@onelittlefrog I think embarrassingly I feel envious that they have partners and are doing lovely things with them whereas I'm on my own muddling through. Don't get me wrong, I love my life but seems very hard at times whereas everyone else seems to be having loads of fun.[/quote]
Everyone is muddling through, some people are just better at making it look organised!

flowersmakeitbetter · 03/09/2021 08:57

I agree with the comment of comparing them as a group.

I had a few years of being single. I had a good job, car, my own place. I had a fair few friends and dated a lot. I was out quite a lot socially too. From the outside it looked like I had a great life. In lots of ways I did but what no one knew was that I didn't have a lot of money. I didn't have a holiday for quite a few years. I had a second job. I kissed a few frogs and had a lot of ups and downs on the romance front. I also spent many nights and weekends on the sofa watching TV. Nights out are like buses. A load come along in one go then nothing for ages......

Cam2020 · 03/09/2021 09:10

I know what you mean, but I also feel like I've had my day of doing all that and enjoy listening to their stories - I dont really have any desire to do it any more. A (very) young colleague was once astounded I had knowledge of going to Ibiza, which was pretty funny. There are also other parents though, so it is more balanced.

You never know what other people's lives are really like though.

Onelifeonly · 03/09/2021 09:16

You never know what other people's lives are really like though.

This. Just because people can talk something up as sounding fun, doesn't mean you know anything about the reality. They could be in unhappy relationships, desperate for a baby, desperate for a partner to have a baby with, only going out because they feel too depressed to stay hone alone, worried about money etc. Don't compare your life to theirs!

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