Phased return or straight back to it?

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We were told DH's cancer was terminal in March and he died at the end of June. During that time he was completely bedbound and I cared for him at home, with the help of visiting carers.

I'm SLT in a school and I didn't have a lot of time off until May HT. School were very good and allowed a lot of flexibility, after HT, worked mainly from home and I was on compassionate leave from the 2nd week of June until the end of term.

I'm due to go back with the start of term.

When DH died, TBH my main feeling was relief. He'd bee very ill with little quality of life and a lot of pain for a long time, even before the terminal diagnosis and caring for him was very tough. I expect it sounds terrible, but I was glad that life had ended for both of us.

Initially I "coped" well, it's only in these last few days that what I've actually lost has started to hit me. I.e. I didn't just lose a very sick husband, I lost the life we had before that, our entire future. E.g. my retirement now looks very different to how it thought it would, many of our plans will never happen etc etc.

Anyway, I'm due to discuss my return with the head tomorrow. I know she'll offer me a phased return, but I'm not sure if it's for the best or not. If I am concerned about going back, it's that I feel very out of touch having not really been "on it" since Easter. If I go back PT initially, it will take longer to get up to speed.

WWYD?

I am sorry for your loss

I would advise a phased return with regular reviews and some flexibility if possible. You won't know until you are actually 'back in the saddle' how you will feel so start gradually. If you are coping well and there is some flexibility, perhaps you could speed up the return but conversely, if you are struggling to cope then it will give you time.
I have seen people jump back in the deep end but would be cautious about that- I don't work in a school but imagine it will be full on!

I'm sorry about your DH.

I went for a phased return, I was previously doing 4 x 6hr days so was part time anyway.
I went back initially for 3 x 5hr days and tbh my brain couldn't cope with more.
I went up to 4 x 5hr days after a few months and then back to 4 x 6hr days a few months after that.

Good luck with it all.

I'm sorry for your loss

I would recommend a phased return after any long absence - work is likely to feel full on and be tiring at first.

I had a phased return after surgery, and started on half my normal hours in the middle of the day, and built them up week by week adding another hour each week so the phased period was 3 weeks in total. That worked well.

I'd recommend a phased return. You can always speed it up if you're finding everything ok.

So sorry for your loss.

I would go for the phased return if you can. It will be a shock to the body and mind to be back in the old routine again and may be a bit tiring.

But hopefully you enjoy the phased return more and it as it allows you to get back into it again as easily and gently as possible. You’ve been through a tough time. Give yourself a chance to get back into it as easily as possible.