Time off and mental health

[LeavesOffTheCactus]

Hi all

My DH is a very hard working person and until recently I believed that he loved working and his current job.

However he told me recently that he is suffering from stress and it’s so bad that he needs time off. He actually didn’t go to work the day he told me as he was having a panic attack in the morning. I helped him to write to HR and explain as he was in a state.

In the midst of his panic he said “my career will be over because of this (taking time off for stress). He is in a position of authority in a corporate role. I have no reason to think that his company is cutthroat but I have no knowledge of corporate world/high paid jobs and I am a bit anxious about this.

He got a supportive reply from HR but is still anxious about the impact that admitting stress/mental health problems will have on his career and reputation.

Does anyone have personal experience of this and can you reassure me? I’m scared. We can’t survive on my salary. I don’t want to talk to him about it as I’m trying to reassure him and be supportive in his current state.

For reference he’s been off so far for just a few days and is taking it day by day. I don’t think he’s ever had more than 1 day off at a time before and not for stress (eg he’s only been off for physical illness on one or two occasions in the 18 months he’s worked there). I don’t know yet how long he’ll have off eg if he’ll end up getting signed off by the GP. He seems a bit better but he’s good at masking.

Thanks in advance for your experiences

Not personally, but I had a member of my team who had absence due to stress. The thing is that something has to change for the employee to recover, and to get back to enjoying their job / performing at their best.
This could be as a result of treatment - drug therapy, CBT , counselling , and/ or it could be a change of role/ recognition that the demands of job are unreasonable / etc.
Take it slowly; don’t push him back to work. I would suggest getting a Dr appointment lined up and take things from there.
It may not mean the end of his career from the company perspective, but your DH may realise he wants a change.

Experience in practice will vary from company to company and manager to manager. Often poor treatment is down to managers being worried about how to respond to employees with mental health conditions.

Firstly, what does the organisation say about inclusion, mental health, wellbeing and resilience, or sickness absence and return to work

• externally, eg website and social media
• internally, in policies, guidance and comunications?

That's a good starting point

Thank you both for responding. I’m so grateful.

Fortunately he has been to the doctors and has a prescription, and is also on the waiting list for therapy. we’ve also discussed longer term changes he could make like going part time temporarily to ease back to work or permanently if work would allow.

Great idea to check the website for those policies.

Surely people can’t get sacked for these things nowadays? Managed out though… what is the view of the corporate world on MH and competence? I know how well regarded he is and he’s performed really well since he’s been there.

I know from personal experience that MH has no relevance at all to competence or lack thereof by the way - just not sure if the corporate world is so understanding.

Most large companies have mental health policies etc in place. So you can’t be fired without due process.
However that doesn’t mean you can’t be demoted or managed out.

My org is very vocal about employees mental health, they have mental health awareness week, publicise stories about high performing employees who took time off for MH issues and are now doing well etc etc.

But it really depends on the team, LM and specific issue (stress due to increased workload/ personal circumstances vs chronic mental health problems.) I have seen people effectively sidelined (although they have the same roles on paper), others supported through and then flourished.
In general though adjustments can be made (like change of duties etc). It might set his career back in the short term but whether it does in the long run depends on how well he recovers. Not everyone can handle stressful roles well. If he’s one of those then he should reconsider how to position himself as a skilled individual contributor

I've seen it loads where I work, high paid professional services, I'm having similar myself atm but just keeping my head above water.

The thing is, you say you can't survive on your salary. What if he has a full breakdown, or worse. Then you'll have no choice. He's giving you a cry for help. And I do believe him when he says he feels he'll be penalised for it, because most firms talk a good talk about mental health, but they do struggle to alleviate pressure.

I'd say he gets a doctors app, gets signed off for a week or two. He could ask the doctor to put it down as something else, I've known people to do this and the doctor understand and say yes.

Or if he has leave to take, get it booked in and take a "last minute break" - if needed put it down to needing to provide emergency support to an elderly relative.

A couple of weeks off, even a week, with proper town time, no work email/phone - you'd be surprised the clarity it brings x

I’ve had mental health issues n the workplace.

He should be referred to occy health. And his job could be adjusted if it’s a long term condition.

I had 5 absences ( 2 very long) in 10 years and ended up getting ill health retirement. The problem won’t just go away without some sort of change.

We had a senior team member go off with stress, he was put on light duties on his return = all he wanted to do. The problem was he didn't want to manage anything and was quite clear that he wouldn't be either - he wanted to do the job of someone much more junior...we couldn't afford to pay someone else to do the job he was employed to do and pay him as well. He left for a more junior job elsewhere - I think he took a 50% pay cut. He's happier now without the stress.

@Naptimenow

We had a senior team member go off with stress, he was put on light duties on his return = all he wanted to do. The problem was he didn't want to manage anything and was quite clear that he wouldn't be either - he wanted to do the job of someone much more junior...we couldn't afford to pay someone else to do the job he was employed to do and pay him as well. He left for a more junior job elsewhere - I think he took a 50% pay cut. He's happier now without the stress.

This is fair. Not everyone is suited for senior, high pressure jobs - they pay more for a reason. Good firms however will find employees other roles at lower grades not just get rid of them. Their skills and experience can still be valuable without the managing element, if they’re willing to accept lower pay.

Honestly if it’s corp they will do everything by the book but if he’s only been there 18 months then unless he gets back to it, and proves himself, …then as much as they likely won’t fire him , (although they can pretty much as long as they claim it’s nothing discriminatory ( he’s few rights before two years)) , I’d say yes his career will stagnate for a while till he can prove he’s able.

So progression over as he can’t cope in his current role, but shouldn’t be managed out. In time it will be forgotten about as a blip

However some Corp are cut throat and will manage him out. No one can guess what is his company.

I would say though, he’s only eighteen months in and struggling really badly, it’s probably better he looks for a different role.

@TractorAndHeadphones to be clear - we did not "get rid of him". He was very skilled and we tried to keep him - he was offered other roles but it would have been a demotion (no way around that in a small firm and it would have been quite public by the nature of the job) and he was also worried about how his lack of motivation would impact the more junior staff.

I know how well regarded he is and he’s performed really well since he’s been there

I mean this gently. But are you sure? Who is telling you that? Him? Is there a potential he’s not well regarded, not performing well ans struggling in thr role, and it’s caused this so he’s needing to stay away as he’s having problems there?

It wouldn’t be the first time someone really struggles with a role, and end up being off with stress as they just can’t do it. But tell everyone they are doing well.

[quote Naptimenow]@TractorAndHeadphones to be clear - we did not "get rid of him". He was very skilled and we tried to keep him - he was offered other roles but it would have been a demotion (no way around that in a small firm and it would have been quite public by the nature of the job) and he was also worried about how his lack of motivation would impact the more junior staff.[/quote]
Don’t worry I wasn’t implying that you were!
It was for the OP - but she hasn’t returned so no point 😂😂

[quote Naptimenow]@TractorAndHeadphones to be clear - we did not "get rid of him". He was very skilled and we tried to keep him - he was offered other roles but it would have been a demotion (no way around that in a small firm and it would have been quite public by the nature of the job) and he was also worried about how his lack of motivation would impact the more junior staff.[/quote]
This is the really tough truth about redeployment as a reasonable adjustment. It saves your employment, but it can damage your mental health even further.

There will also be people who assume or believe that redeployment can only have occurred because the person wasn't any good at the role, "failed" and was disciplined with a demotion, even if that genuinely wasn't the case.

To some people there is no difference between no longer being able to perform a role due to mental health disability and someone who is simply not cut out for that role due to skills or aptitude. Either way they see a failure they don't trust or respect.

They then treat the redeployed person accordingly, which can make it very difficult to continue, succeed or be happy in the redeployed role. Better communication by the organisation about the redeployment can help, but it doesn't tend to happen.

On the outside people just see "demotion" not redeployment and there is a stigma to that.