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Original poster

Help with aggressive work messages

26 replies

Escapedescalope · 19/08/2021 09:14

I started a new job 9ish months ago into a small team of 6. Internal promotion came up which I got and due to start role soon, delighted etc.

One colleague I suspected was not happy; he has been there a year longer and I suspect felt the job was his.

Very long story short, kicked off via our work whatsapp group this week specifically at me. He had been off a week and objected very strongly as to how incoming work was work managed whilst people on leave - as I was the only one in, it's me.

The messages basically run along the lines of - i've worked here for 2 years, I'm better at this job than all of you, I'm not changing anything because everything i do already works, if you have to work in such a such a way you're not doing your job properly. and on and on.

Think more aggressive and hurtful, and really disrespectful, not to mention unprofessional.

I specifically asked in the messages to stop, I also rang him as soon as they started but no answer. He continued messages into the next day, basically laying into me both obviously and passive aggressive comments about work I had done whilst he was on leave. Actually not very passive, more direct than that.

I made one comment in relation to starting my new role to which he answered 'IF you start it'. This has sort of cemented in my mind that he is really pissed off bout me getting this job.

It also continued in a meeting with an external agency; if I had said black he would have argued it was white, if you get my meaning - he contradicted me several times when I was giving a factual update, stuff which is fact!

I have a really low tolerance for this kind of behaviour having been bullied at work before, but I don't know what to do. I will be team leader in a few weeks and have some supervisory responsibilities but at the moment I don;t know if I should speak to manager.

Or if I'm overreacting given being sensitive to this kind of behaviour.

So as not to drip feed, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about the role once I got it until it was announced last week; I was told work 'needed to sort colleague out first' which makes me think even more he kicked off when he didn't get the job. I've basically felt I've done something wrong since I got it.

Help. Dreaded getting up today incase I came into more. I also feel like I need a handle on it given that I will have a more senior role soon.

I feel sick about this.

OP posts:

Mantlemoose · 19/08/2021 09:17

Speak to your manager today. Don't respond to any WhatsApp messages at all. Nip this in the bud right away.

WTF475878237NC · 19/08/2021 09:19

I would actually write on the work what's app that this isn't an appropriate forum to air your grievances and I suggest you discuss your concerns with management then never acknowledge his messages again.

Yes to speaking with your manager too

Original poster

Escapedescalope · 19/08/2021 09:21

Thank you, that's my initial feeling but then freaking out I will look like a petty whinger not able to sort these issues out

OP posts:

Original poster

Escapedescalope · 19/08/2021 09:29

Thanks all, WTF475878237NC that's exactly what I said but he carried on!

OP posts:

Masterblasterjammin · 19/08/2021 09:30

Also screen shot the messages - he can delete them in WhatsApp, and they may be helpful. And I think a firm ‘this is inappropriate, and I shall be escalating accordingly’ will do. You cannot let him walk over you.

ClemDanFango · 19/08/2021 09:37

I think you have to take the emotion out of this. Instead of letting him make you feel like you’ve done something wrong change it around and tell yourself how much worse it would be if you hadn’t got the job and he had! Imagine him as the team leader?!
Don’t let him make you feel intimidated or insecure, you should actually laugh at how sad and pathetic he is, he is having a very public tantrum and is making himself look like a complete bellend! Have a good laugh at his expense and be happy that in a very short while you’ll be in charge of him and how much he will hate that

notapizzaeater · 19/08/2021 09:42

I'd def screenshot the messages and raise it with management, tbh you're not in role yet so it's there ball game - they need to get it sorted before you start your role. (Congratulations btw)

StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 19/08/2021 09:43

I've been in this position.
Firm rebuttal every time. This isn't appropriate and you need to address it with management if you have an issue.
Will you be managing him? You need support from HR and your management if so, it's important that you don't let him develop a side channel or de facto reporting line to someone else by his behaviour.
I found this very challenging in my case - older man who had gone for the job and not been given it and I was a younger woman, external hire. Within two days I could see why he didn't have the job. He was a loose cannon, gave bad advice in some meetings which I had to undo - problem was there was often an assumption he was in charge because of his age.

Good luck with it. Zero tolerance from the outset. If he's like the guy I had on my team, he has a massively bruised ego. Ideally he would leave - if you can point some recruiters his way, then do.

Original poster

Escapedescalope · 19/08/2021 10:03

Thank you for all your comments so far, I'm glad to hear no one thinks I'm overreacting as yet. And thanks for the congratulations - he never even acknowledged it until my comment :)

OP posts:

Ticksallboxes · 19/08/2021 10:36

Gosh OP you're totally not over-reacting!!

I don't think he's just having a public tantrum - IME he's deliberately trying to publicly pick away at you until you start to question your own abilities and then start to look unconfident and anxious and then, ideally for him, your managers will then also start to question you. I've seen many men do this at work with younger female colleagues over the years.

Just keep your composure and keep calm and try and keep any wobbles to yourself. IME when this happens the bully (which is what he plainly is) will implode shortly after that.

Original poster

Escapedescalope · 19/08/2021 10:48

I've just left manager a message to give me a call, i typed out a whole email, bottled it and think it's better to have a chat initially.

OP posts:

Escapedescalope · 19/08/2021 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WTF475878237NC · 19/08/2021 10:59

He is so inappropriate. What's app is not the place for policy or process decisions. I agree he's trying to undermine your confidence.

Original poster

Escapedescalope · 19/08/2021 11:01

God i feel so relieved that people don't think it's not me! I've dealt with work place bullying before and it' almost textbook what I've experienced before.

OP posts:

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 19/08/2021 11:05

This is 100% a problem for your team leader. Will you be line managing him when you start your new role? If so, you are going to need backup from wherever your new line manager will be, and from HR. You need to approach this dispassionately and professionally - don’t try to address it via WhatsApp, there is clearly no constructive solution in that direction.

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 19/08/2021 11:05

Whoever your new line manager will be. Autocorrect!

SuffolkPunch27 · 19/08/2021 11:09

HR Manager here - as others have said, document everything. He can delete and deny (more than likely to try and make you look incompetent to others) but better for you to have proof. Go to your HR team / line manager and explain your concerns. It won't be a case of you being perceived as being unable to fulfil your new role but his behaviour needs addressing. Don't get sucked into his silly behaviour. A simple message such as "This is not the appropriate platform to discuss these issues but I am more than happy to meet with you to discuss any concerns you may have/ provide clarification" etc etc.

areallthenamesusedup · 19/08/2021 21:57

Ex HR here.
I would go to your line manager first (rather than HR).
But as everyone else has said screen shot your messages.
Good luck.
Your co-worker sounds unhinged.

daisychain01 · 20/08/2021 06:41

A simple message such as "This is not the appropriate platform to discuss these issues but I am more than happy to meet with you to discuss any concerns you may have/ provide clarification" etc etc.

No way would I offer to meet this abusive idiot. There is nothing the OP will say that will make him behave any differently and it plays into his hands to entertain his rantings . If he thinks he's convincing anyone that he's suitable for promotion, he's got another think coming!

daisychain01 · 20/08/2021 06:44

OP I'd come off the work WhatsApp group, they are a really inappropriate means of communication because they are not official company fora for discussion and can often be abused by people like this colleague, because they aren't formally moderated.

BrozTito · 20/08/2021 06:54

You've under reacted up unti now if anything. The fact he thinks being in a job 2 years is some brilliant milestone is illuminating.

smackeroonies · 20/08/2021 07:26

@BrozTito

You've under reacted up unti now if anything. The fact he thinks being in a job 2 years is some brilliant milestone is illuminating.

Maybe for him 2 years service is a milestone - he thinks he's now immune from being fired so he's polishing his brass neck.

Dontjudgeme101 · 20/08/2021 07:33

I hope you get this sorted op. 💐💐

WhoWants2Know · 20/08/2021 08:04

You might want to reconsider raising the issue in a phone call instead of via email.

Email leaves a dated paper trail, and it leaves less room for your words to be twisted.

Original poster

Escapedescalope · 20/08/2021 15:16

Thanks all, called area manager as line m. on leave at the mo.

He was very nice right off and without prompting said to me he's pissed off at not getting that job, isn't he??

Also said totally inappropriate and asked to see all the messages. Called me back later to said he had been spoken to and 'advised' to keep his opinions to himself; he said he was only giving me 'advice' (!).

I won't be line managing him thankfully but will be supervising tasks and work, taking some day to day admin off my manager like annual leave etc, taking on more behind the scenes development which has come with a nice payrise :)

Silence today, whats app has not pinged once from anyone, so I may be a pariah for some time but the more I've thought about this the angrier I've got.

Hopefully nipped in the bud now. I have extra low tolerance for this kind of behaviour having seen work place bullying before, and worried I was being over sensitive.

OP posts:

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