No confidence to talk in meetings

[crikey456]

Someone please help me!!!!

I have always had somewhat low confidence. In particular, I really struggle with speaking in meetings and generally talking in front of more than about 1/2 people at a time.

I have just had a teams meeting and out of nowhere, my manager tried to praise me in front of everyone about a piece of work I had completed. He was trying to be nice but he also knows I am terrible on the spot and in front of others. He then asked me to explain what the work was about.

So I tend to freeze when I'm put on the spot. My brain goes completely blank and I can't think of anything. I have also recently developed epilepsy and it has massively affected my memory. I barely remember what I ate for breakfast let alone what piece of work I did over a month ago.

So basically, I froze up, looked like an absolute moron while I attempted to explain what it was about. Someone joked asking if I knew what I was on about (it is a very informal and unprofessional, jokey sort of team where we are all sort of friends). To be fair, I didn't really know what I was on about because it felt like so long ago that of carried out the work. I literally died on my arse and said "sorry, I'm really bad at explaining and talking in front of people" and they left it but now I am absolutely dying.

Has anyone else with confidence issues managed to conquer their fear of talking in front of others? Or managed to find a way to stop their brain falling out of their head when on the spot??

Find opportunities to do it more, and force yourself to do it.
You could try a Toastmasters club to build your confidence speaking? They are throughout the world, many meeting online at the moment. You can usually try 3 meetings or so for free.

Ted talks have some good advice, also lots of books on this subject. I get my books second hand off EBay or Amazon, l think it's one of those things the more you practice, the better you become.

Yes! I have done this. In my 20s I was a lot like you. Hated it. At one point thought I needed a new career because I hated speaking in front of people so much, particularly on the spot. The change came gradually, and from a slow increase in confidence that I knew what I was talking about. Also a realisation that most of the time, people aren’t paying super close attention to me, or to anyone else…. and that other people don’t always sound that smart either, and nobody cares!

Another thing I did was talk to my GP about beta blockers. Obviously I can’t recommend that as everyone’s medical situation is different, and they might not be right for you, but for me, they stopped me blushing and getting flustered in meetings and eventually I got more used to being on the spot. I rarely use them now.

Just wanted to provide some reassurance that it can improve so don’t give up!

One practical thing to do is to say something straight away even if it's just 'hello' or 'isn't the weather nice'. The longer you go without hearing your voice in the room the harder it is to speak up. So break that at the start by saying something and then it won't seem so difficult to speak during the content of the meeting.

I'd also ask if you could not be put on the spot, explain your epilepsy makes it difficult for you. If you know you will have to speak at some point then make notes on what you want to cover - just bullet points will help

I had this at work. I got so fed up of not doing justice to myself in meetings that in the end I did a public speaking course - it was at a drama school and used lots of practical tricks used by actors - it really helped not least because of hearing from others on the course with the same problem. Ten years on I still use the same techniques to get me through presentations and so on. I'll never be a natural but it's much better now