Hi,
I’m a prison officer which I used to love but slowly, I’ve been worn down and spend evenings before I go to work, working myself up into an anxious frenzy and struggle to get up on a morning because I really don’t want to go.
There was a bullying colleague (not just exclusive to me) which seemed to tip me over the edge as I’d be constantly panicking about bumping into them and when they were moved, worrying I’d be redeployed to their place of work, which is common at the moment. It was taken further.
I was off on the sick due to it but had constant phone calls and left voicemails telling me I ‘need to answer’ my phone but they’d never arrange a time to call, so felt rushed back.
The shifts aren’t the best and I feel so eaten up with guilt that I’m not there for my toddler DS. When you’re not in a good place, prisons are also difficult places to be due to some of the subject matter you’re exposed to.
Shifts are also the complete opposite to my DP who’s in the Police so I spend frequent nights alone and we rarely see each other.
I feel completely at a loss - I worry sick leave doesn’t look great when applying for a new job so force myself to continue going in rather than be off again and we also couldn’t manage if I was just to leave.
I’ve started applying for jobs and am on the reserve list for a year for a great sounding job (just pipped at interview) if another post comes up out of their 4 roles but just feel at a loss. Do I retrain but worry about the financial implications of that too?
Surely there has to be a better work life balance?
Sorry, anyone who could offer some constructive advice to my ramblings would be much appreciated!