Feeling out of my depth & constantly worried about screwing up

[fancyaflatwhite]

Was recently hired to a senior permanent role, after more than 10 years out of the workplace - parenting and freelancing.

The company shared that they weren't sure I had the right/enough experience, but really liked my application and interviews and hired me.

Passed probation period with good feedback, but I feel like I'm living out imposter syndrome.

I make a point of asking lots of questions and being honest when I don't know something.

My work generally meets the mark and I get on well with everyone, but deep down I don't feel like I have the 'business smarts' for the role. That I'm blagging it and it's a matter of time before I really screw up and let them down.

It's making me generally anxious.

I'm stuck between wanting to dive into the role and learn the sector inside out and rise up to it - but like I said, just not sure my brain works in the right way to ever fully 'get it'.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I have no experience however looking to move into a much more senior role after 10 years away from the industry, I have the same fears you are writing about and I am terrified of failing, especially now as have responsibilities at home and my child

I have felt exactly the same: just been recruited for a job that made me worry whether they’ve employed the right person 😂 I have had 16 years of bringing up children/fostering/volunteering/studying. I am also 57 so when asked to navigate myself around the computer for Teams/Zoom meetings/databases/spreadsheets I probably take 10 times longer than anyone else!!

The only thing that helps me is remembering what my interviewers told me that they liked about me (I asked them after they offered me the job). I have to keep repeating it in my head and try to convince myself that the skills I have match what they were looking for!

But I do feel really anxious at times - especially when something goes wrong with the IT software, always presuming that I’ve done something!! I just take a few deep breaths.

I sort of understand what you might be going through 🌺 bless you

Thanks for responding both 
@CrispsnDips
Omg adapting to the technology - I literally have to do a YouTube tutorial before attempting anything new

It's interesting to hear how people genuinely feel in their jobs, especially returning to 'serious' work/senior roles after a long time out of the workplace.

Really hoping it will all start becoming second nature over the next few months/year.

I think it is mostly a confidence issue, and really want to conquer it rather than give in to fear and insecurity.

@SpideyMom good luck with following the role

I didn't want to put you off. There's so much to gain in terms of identity, motivation....oh, and the money.

There just seems to be a nagging feeling of doing neither role quite well enough - work or parenting- and not being able to be 100% present

IME an awful lot of people in senior roles have little knowledge of what they are talking about; they are just good at blagging. And they don't like to ask questions because it makes them appear "weak".

I think the sort of people that admit they don't know everything and try to educate themselves make the actual better managers.

I moved into a senior ish position a few years ago after about a decade of freelancing/being at home with the kids, and I'll be honest, I've really had to work hard on my confidence, dealing with imposter syndrome and believing I'm great at my job.

I think it's due to being out of 'formal' work for so long, tech moving on and being 20 years older than some of my colleagues.

I'd recommend being honest about the elements that you feel you need to work on, find people to support you and shadow them. Find a mentor if possible, maybe even some workplace/professional counselling if available. Training courses help. Don't forget that you also bring valuable skills too - think about these and how you could support colleagues.

Good luck with it, you were recruited for a reason - don't forget that!

I had similar feelings in my first senior role. I didn't ever manage to get on top of it and it led to almost 4 miserable and not particularly successful years, and a substantial loss of confidence. That’s not to say you can’t get on top of it OP- it sounds like you are already a lot further ahead with recognising it than I was. I look back and I wish I’d both recognised and properly got on top of it, sought out a good therapist and mentor/s to help work through it etc. Im on a break now for unrelated reasons and I’m dreading going back, worried it will just be the same, that I'm really not good enough. I’m hoping to do the work before I return to try and prevent it. So I’d say you are definitely not alone!

@fancyaflatwhite this is exactly my point. I have thrown myself into being a Mom and worked around my son. I have settled for the easy job to be more present for him. I dont regret it but have lost myself in the process. I'm excited for new opportunities but I am scared it will come at a cost of me being a Mom. It's only me and my son at home. I have very little support so yeh it scares me. And also I wonder am I still capable? I've not had to use my brain much these last 6 years lol

In the same situation here, returned to a tech career and a seniorish position after years of staying at home and freelancing. I feel like I just don't have the brains for my job anymore, and besides tech has really galloped forward while I was changing diapers and playing peek-a-boo. I was very honest during the interview and let them know I'd need time to get back on track, and they said it was ok, but now it seems they kind of still expected me to just figure it out in days. One part of the issue is that I worked in the same company before and I was very successful then, so I have a reputation - and I absolutely cannot perform at that level anymore. I am sooooooo stressed.

I feel the same, recently changed sector in my job and having to start from the bottom again. Feel more is expected of me because I'm 15 years older than the others at my level.

My manager is so supportive but I can't get over the imposter syndrome.

Lots of us feel like this! There’s lots online about handling ‘imposter syndrome’, as a start.

If you can afford it, recommend counselling with someone well qualified.

Recommend setting ‘development’ goals and seeing what’s available at your employer or locally, eg networking, mentoring.

I’m mid-forties and moved role 18 months ago. Have had some dark dark times battling imposter syndrome. But, so have many of my colleagues. I think it’s a combination of pandemic working/changes, pace (even if not productivity), and a genuinely rapidly changing landscape in which we work. It feels like running just to keep up - and that’s not age. Lots of my younger colleagues report the same feelings of imposter syndrome.

Only suggestion is to talk about it, invite honest feedback and challenges to your work and get stuck in. No one knows the answer!

Personally, I think using YouTube or any other resources is absolutely fine. I worry about people who can't look stuff up, via Google or YouTube! Frankly, most office IT setups have quirks, so you'd be daft NOT to check with IT that you are following the correct process for your particular configuration.

I had a new senior manager, who was new to our sector, and she had a very disarming way of asking us to explain jargon and processes in plain English to her. Maybe something to develop?

When I first moved into management i felt like this. I did not doubt my competence or ability to do the job because I had experienced the various parts of it from the ground up, and taken my formal qualitications along the way. My "imposter" feelings came from the fact that I was originally from a lower working class background and had to fight the prejudice of my parents to progress and educate myself.

Those feelings only really went away when (years later) I gained my Ph.D. I had the highest qualification it is possible to get in this country - despite being born in a terraced house by the railroad track with an outside loo.

And yes - I have "blagged it" many times both professionally and in other environments. Perhaps we should all just take acting lessons.

Following for tips, are you all me?
It's so hard to feel like you're running to keep up, especially if everything feels very dicey on the home front too.

Zeevs you sound a bit like me. How old are your children?

@Ancientdecs

Zeevs you sound a bit like me. How old are your children?

They're 3 and 5.

But I've been away from tech (trailing spouse situation) for more like 12 years.

In a similar position but haven’t been out of industry rather worked my way up rapidly whilst juggling 2 maternity leaves and suddenly have now landed a role I honestly thought was a few years away. I have only just started in it but the imposter situation is very real and very suffocating, almost paralysing at times (I feel like I can only do mundane easy tasks when in this mode).

I have found a few things so far that have helped a little, but I’m only starting the journey so not sure if there are other things that can be done:

• was honest with my new line manager up front about my feelings and that I’m not asking for constant reassurance but a little feedback every couple of weeks good/bad is welcome. Underlined the requirement for honesty; I don’t want smoke blown up my behind but equally if I’ve done well I might need to be told.

• set myself weekly and monthly goals. I like ticking things off and seeing I am actually achieving things, it might just take longer than in a junior role which was more week to week rather than quarter to quarter

• requested a mentor who specifically is in a senior position and has young children NOW. I want someone who can relate to today’s childcare work life balance issues in our specific workplace, not someone who’s wife did it 20 years ago. My mentor is returning from 2nd maternity leave next month and is a grade higher.

• remind myself of the reasons they gave for choosing me after interview, even if I don’t believe them at times

• remind myself that many men I work with in much more senior positions seem to get away with a lot of blagging/failings!

• have a plan B. I consider myself quite emotionally aware and have an honest relationship with my immediate managers. if its genuinely going wrong i know the routes to go down to get help in my business, and also to find alternative roles elsewhere if needed (my emergency flight plan!)

@JammyC, that's a very wise post!