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Original poster

Choosing to go back FT .. am I crazy?

35 replies

loulou0402 · 30/07/2021 09:14

I always planned to take full advantage of my maternity so will have 13 mths off in total .. DS is now 6 mth old and I’m sure the rest of my mat leave will continue to be an amazing time together

However I’m also really passionate about my career and what I’ve built so far, and keen to keep progressing it. DS will go to nursery 3 days a week and with my parents 2 days.

My gut feel is to go back FT, I miss work and as my job is so demanding I know I would end up working FT hours anyway but on PT pay ..
I love my son dearly but my career is also part of my identity and something that I do miss.

Anyway my question is - am I crazy? When I’ve discussed this with antenatal friends or some members of family they are shocked I’m CHOOSING to go back FT, when I could afford to work PT. It seems the norm is going back PT or not at all & I feel I’m being judged for this choice. And this choice doesn’t mean I don’t love or value time with my son.

However I’m also conscious you don’t get these years back ..

Any mums out there who went from demanding FT to PT after a baby and how did you find it / did it impact your career?

Any mums who like me chose to go back FT? How was it? Did you regret it or happy with your decision?

Thoughts appreciated!

Thank you

OP posts:
MildredPuppy · 30/07/2021 09:18

I think go back FT. Its 'easy' to get good quality childcare in the early years. Then your career will be much better and more flexible when your child hits school age and you find thers no morning club at the school you want or the afterschool club is full.

parietal · 30/07/2021 09:19

Go back FT and enjoy your career.

samlovesdilys · 30/07/2021 09:26

I went back FT, partly because of the money but also I am good at my job, I worked and studied for a long time to get to here and I think I am a better person (mum/wife) for time outside the home. My boys loved nursery and childminder - I really believe it is important for them to see me working and not just 'mum'

user16395699 · 30/07/2021 09:32

It's sad that you feel judged.

What you plan to do is entirely normal and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Don't forget that sometimes when people feel insecure about their own life choices - for instance, going part time - they become defensive and critical of anybody doing something different as a way to try and make themselves feel better.

Some of the shock you saw may have been insecurity and defensiveness because they felt invalidated by you going back part time.

Some of it may have been that they were impressed you were doing something they couldn't.

And some of it may have been more your perception if you were feeling a bit unsure and expecting people to be judgemental.

Which is not your fault or your problem.

You might be doing something outside the norm in your own circle, but it is certainly not abnormal.

user16395699 · 30/07/2021 09:33

*because they felt invalidated by you going back full time !

Papoy · 30/07/2021 09:37

Do what you like, communicate your decision and then stick to that decision... seeking justification on a matter like this can only allow/invite others to comment and judge you.

MaMelon · 30/07/2021 09:42

Do what you feel is right Smile

I went from F/T to P/T after I had DC1 and loved it - took a little while to adjust to a baby and change in hours but grew to love the balance between work and getting to meet other mums I’d met that I’m still good friends with 24 years later. I’m now F/T again, have been for a few years now and my youngest is 14.

That worked for me though - could you ask for p/t for a year to see how you get on and then increase if needed, or do you not have that flexibility?

ivfgottwins · 30/07/2021 09:44

I have a 5 year old and 6 month old twins. I went back full time at 20 weeks both times. I have a challenging and pressured career that can't be done PT and also I'm the main earner by a looong way. My children have been in full time childcare as no free childcare from family and my DD has thrived and is confidant and intelligent and articulate

PinkPlantCase · 30/07/2021 09:48

I know I would end up working FT hours anyway but on PT pay

This is the reason why I’m going back FT. My plan is to try it and see how it goes.

Another reason why I plan to go back FT is because I hope to have more DCs in the future, working full time will be much easier with 1 DC and before he starts school.

QuentinBunbury · 30/07/2021 09:55

I went back PT - 4dpw at first but have been down to 3 over the years, now do 3.5
I am in a senior position in a professional services company.

I found 4dpw I can get through pretty much the same as FT. Less pay but the extra day at home is great to manage child stuff like dentist appointments, after school hobbies etc.

3dpw was hard for me as people would make decisions for me while I was out of office and they often cocked things up, creating more work when I was there.

I've found Friday is the best day to be off, from a work perspective, as usually quite a few people are off on a Friday for along weekend so it's quieter anyway.

KnobJockey · 30/07/2021 09:57

If you want to go back full time then do it.

I went part time for various reasons you might want to consider-
It's a lot easier to coordinate going back part time now, than going back full time and dropping to part time
Pick ups/ drop offs- due to the nature of DPs job, it is me doing these as he can't guarantee leaving times. This adds time on to each end of the day, which means it's a longer working week
DD has been in lockdown since 5 months, with no contact/ childcare elsewhere. She has adapted very well to childcare, but it was a worry, and she very much 'needs' those days mid week at home with me, and is very clingy to them. I know she would cope if she needed to, but I felt it was in her best interests at the time.
Household split- the amount of crap you need to sort out at home increases when you add a child- you (mostly) can't just eat crisps if you're tired or not do the washing up for 4 days if it's bottles. Do you have time and an equal partner for this? I also need to think- I don't have time to run to Tesco, etc, on the way home if you have pick up to do, so be more organised about everything.

I have been a full time working single parent with my eldest, and it was exhausting to be honest. At the end of the working day I was/ am tired, but that little one is just craving mum time- lots of being climbed over and whinging. That being said, it was a lot easier to sort childcare at the early stage instead of the school stage.

No judgement here either way, just thought I'd share stories as to why I made that choice.

Blueskyemily · 30/07/2021 10:01

I think often people don't want to go back full time because it means more time in childcare.

I work 4 days a week and my DD is in nursery for all of that time. I feel incredibly guilty about it even though she's happy there.

If I had the option of 2 days a week childcare from family, I'd probably go full time. My job would be easier and I'd have more opportunities to progress. You're really lucky to have this.

Dozer · 30/07/2021 10:03

Going PT was terrible for my career.

You’re v lucky to have two days childcare from family, that’ll help a lot

If circumstances or your wishes change, and you do go PT, don’t work FT for PT pay, that’d be a bad decision!

Cocomade · 30/07/2021 10:03

I never understand why women get judged for wanting to go FT.
I think knowing you'll do full hours for PT pay says enough.
Your life doesn't stop once you have a child, keep building your career.

Dozer · 30/07/2021 10:04

Also, fathers rarely go PT, and never question if they’re ‘crazy’ - they get to be parents AND progress at work.

bellamountain · 30/07/2021 10:09

You shouldn't feel guilty about going back full time, men don't give it a second thought. The only thing I will say, is that those early years go by in a flash, and you will never get that time back with your little one. I've gone back full time since having my second and really regret the time I'm missing out on. With my first, I was PT and really enjoyed our days off together. I'm going to try and negotiate part time hours again. The weekends are too busy trying to cram everything in.

LauraFlashley · 30/07/2021 10:17

Do it. If it doesn't work then do something else. If that doesn't work then do something else. Keep changing until you find something that works for you.

I don't think it's always helpful to get lots of opinions. Do what you think is right as that is usually the best choice for you personally.

Bortles · 30/07/2021 10:57

Why not ask any children of full time parents how they feel/felt? That would be the more important thing.

dryasaboner · 30/07/2021 11:00

@Bortles

Why not ask any children of full time parents how they feel/felt? That would be the more important thing.
I don't think so Most kids could come up with aspects they weren't happy with and omit all the benefits from their parents working full time. Also we have to do what's right for us
BackforGood · 30/07/2021 11:11

Thing is, the people you are asking, are justifying their choices - to themselves, to each other.
We are all different. We all feel differently. We are all in different circumstances financially (not just day to day, but support and backing from family). We all have different jobs / careers. Those jobs / careers are all different in terms of whether PT is realistic, or whether taking time out is realistic.
You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.
Do what is best for you.

Though IME, if you have to choose a time of a child's life to work FT and a time to 'be around more' - in whatever flexible working pattern or PT level that is - then when they are babies, then toddlers and pre-schoolers is the best time to work FT. As long as you have good childcare in place, the little ones are happy and won't remember that time anyway. Once they are teens, and they want to chat with you , then you can't be so easily be replaced with 'childcare' options.

JaneyHenderson · 30/07/2021 11:16

You will always be judged! I I returned FT after both my DC with a very similar set up to yours- 3 days childminder and 2 days with my then DH who worked unsociable hours. I re-trained when youngest was 13 months and have been steadily advancing since then. Divorced when they were 8 and 6 and was very, very glad of my financial independence.
They are now 13 and 10 and I have progressed hugely in my career. None of my peers who work in similar jobs PT have managed the same. PT shouldn't be a detriment to career progression but it definitely is in my field.
DC totally fine- confident, sociable and outgoing. Judgement came from all directions. 'How can you possibly leave them all week? I just couldn't!'
Usually me: a generic reply about career/with their FATHER!/ etc
On a bad day me: Well they're really fucking annoying so quite easily'
😂

Twizbe · 30/07/2021 11:23

I went back full time after DS as we were intending to have baby 2 quite soon after. As it turned out I was pregnant 2 months after returning.

It was hard being away all that time and missing out on the Friday meet ups, but I got a full wage which helped with saving for maternity leave 2. We had a mix of nursery and family child care.

It was also stressful trying to manage life on top of work and kids.

What you really need though is a supportive partner. DH and I split the drop offs and pick ups and the inevitable sick days

Demilunary · 30/07/2021 11:26

It never even occurred to me nor to return to work FT. Having a child didn’t suddenly change my commitment to my career, any more than it did DH’s. You should stop discussing your life with people who don’t share your interest in your work. Everyone I know works FT.

Cominghome1230 · 30/07/2021 11:50

I went back part time and have regretted it. I wish I had gone back full time, as my career has really suffered because of it and I love what I do.
Go back full time if that is what you want to do. Don't listen to anybody else.

Original poster
loulou0402 · 30/07/2021 16:45

Thank you all so much. I really value everyone’s comments and thoughts Smile
I think I’m going to go with my gut and go back FT. What’s the worse that can happen? If it doesn’t work we try something else that does xx

OP posts: