Finally got a job after over a year of unemployment.... why do I feel so depressed?

[PMani]

I lost my job late 2019 and since then it has been a complete nightmare trying to get a new one, made 100 times worse by these endless Covid/lockdown restrictions. Needless to say my self esteem, confidence and joie de vivre has pretty much gone. After several near-misses and last-minute offer retractions, the only way I've managed to stay sane is by adopting an numbed-out 'whatever' attitude to it all.

After 700+ applications, numerous online courses, 20ish interviews, literally thousands of speculative emails, two jobs then came up at once. The first was a dream job - just what I want to be doing, permanent role, great salary, 100% remote, newish cutting-edge company with room for growth/training etc. However I didn't get it at the 3rd interview.

At the same time I have received a firm offer for a broadly similar role, however the T&Cs are much worse (6-month contract only, I have to give 2 months notice to quit yet they can fire at will, salary is less than I was hoping for, ban on outside freelancing, established firm with a stodgier more conservative way of doing things). I've accepted it mainly because I really want to get back into working and earning money, rather than the indignity of scraping by on Universal Credit, though honestly I'm kind of resentful that they're taking advantage of the recession and my unemployment status to impose such a one-sided contract, knowing I'm in no position to force a renegotiation of terms. There's also the obvious risk that the contract won't be extended in 6 months, so I'll have to carry on on-off job hunting in the meantime and could end up back at square one come February 2022.

I guess I should be feeling elated that I've finally got a job, and in a field I want to get in to, albeit not on best terms. However instead I just feel depressed, annoyed that I missed out on a dream opportunity and so am settling for second best, and feel that the whole thing is a tantamount to a surrender as frankly I'm just utterly exhausted and demoralised after almost 2 years of searching. Is this normal? Have I got perhaps got too comfortable with the unemployed lifestyle? Anyone else felt like this?

I was off work for over a year - combination of furlough/redundancy after which I found it hard to adjust back to life at work. I liked not working although I knew I needed to get back into employment again at some point.
Congrats on the job. Its not what you want but seems like a foot in the door.
I think many people are plodding along at the moment in jobs that aren't ideal because essentially they need a job.

Start applying for stuff as soon as you start, it's always easier to find a job when you're already employed, and as its only a temporary contract that's a perfect excuse for job hunting so soon if they ask why you haven't stayed there for long.

@Noterook

Start applying for stuff as soon as you start, it's always easier to find a job when you're already employed, and as its only a temporary contract that's a perfect excuse for job hunting so soon if they ask why you haven't stayed there for long.

^ this. You’re not impressed because you think you can do better, and now you have your feet back in the water your chances of landing a better job have just gone up again, as has your ability to negotiate terms and pay

I was in the same boat a couple of years ago, took the bird in the hand… it kept me mentally sharp enough to succeed at an interview for a more challenging role

Keep an open mind about this one - you might like it/ find some positives

Its not you, there was some research that shows 6-12 months unemployment can have a long lasting effect on confidence! You've had a really hard time, your effort has paid off in a job offer which might not be what you want, but its a step forward and a spring board onto the next thing. There are lots of other benefits from work- purpose, stimulation, social etc. Hope you find what you are looking for / deserve and congrats.

I know how you feel OP, I missed out on a dream job earlier this year after the 3rd interview - someone else I know got it and I resent her so much. I was unemployed and she wasn't so I can't help but feel like she 'stole' it from me. It was also permanent and remote which I need as I'm disabled.
I got another job but its FTC. Its okay but way too easy for me.
As its FTC, I'm looking for other opportunities but none of them are like the dream job so like you, whatever job I get instead will probably feel like a 'for now' job. I don't know if the dream job will ever come up again but never stop looking.

Thanks for responses all. I'll glad to be busy again and earning money, so am focussing on that side of things, and can of course carry on a surreptitious job hunt on the side.

Am trying very hard to avoid envy/resentment, but it's hard to see people I know boast about living off furlough for year and saving £1000s, or buying houses, getting promotion etc. and not be affected. Especially all these rich people in safe WFH jobs egging on more lockdowns, safe in the knowledge that their cocooned from the collateral damage of them.

Frankly the thought of being like my parents and spending my life doing a braindead job I hate is just horrific... honestly I think I'd rather just top myself than live a life of quiet desperation like that. I don't want kids, so don't have that to distract me and make up for career failure.

*they're

You’ve had a rough time! Understandable to be fed up.

Anyway, there’s no ‘should’ when it comes to feelings - yours are valid.

Agree with keeping eyes open for other opportunities. Eg contact the place you got close to a job offer, in writing, and say if anything suitable arises you’d love to be considered.

Seems unlikely that if it came to it the new employer could hold you to 2 months notice on such a short contract.

Congratulations! Getting a job is an amazing achievement.

Give yourself 3 months to get your feet under the table then start job hunting, it is so mu H easier to get a job when you're employed. You are fab!

I also feel like this, after 6 months of being unemployed I landed 2 offers in the same week!

One was with a local established company, OK salary, easy work, not many benefits. The other was better salary and benefits plus WFH after training. But in an industry that I have never worked before and a start up.

I have taken the latter but am so full of self doubt and sure I have imposter syndrome!
The owners are young and very passionate about their business and I'm 52.

I'm so depressed at the thought of going to work anywhere, having to learn a new job from scratch and thinking that they think I'm too old and that they have made a mistake.

I'm not in UK and it's really hard for foreigners to find decent jobs here so I should think myself lucky, but I don't.

Similar happened to me indeed up taking a plan B role on a four month contract at a lower level than my previous role just to get back in into work and was very reluctant to take it thinking I'd be missing out on other opportunities

Within a few weeks someonr left and I was promoted and now loving it! My contract has been extended and they've said there may be permanent opportunities coming up.

So you just don't know where things may lead.

It's only 6 months if you don't like it and the economy is improving. You'll be vastly better positioned to get a better role in 6 months if you have been back in work.

Just go with the flow and keep an eye on the job listings but this time just apply for the things that look good/get you excited.

These things have a very strange habit of working out for the best. It could be this job is a stepping stone to the next thing or it could be a great opportunity.

You will feel much better to be working/earning and this will hopefully get you in the right frame of mind for finding the right opportunity.