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IVF and promotion scuppering

14 replies

BeachPeach · 19/07/2021 14:58

Hi all, hoping the MN hive can help with my conundrum.

We’re likely to be starting IVF in the next few months, I’ve been very honest with close colleagues including my boss (who’s recently also been through the IVF process with his partner).
My boss is now leaving and his role will need to be filled - it’s basically my dream job. I’m going to go for it, but now I feel really awkward that I’ve shot myself in the foot by telling people about our IVF because it’ll mean time off work and potentially (hopefully, if it works!) a bunch of time off for maternity very shortly into taking on the new role.

The company I work for is pretty flexible (charity sector) and family-friendly, but I’m worried that the possibility of me being pregnant soon will stack against me. I’m guessing legally they definitely can’t take it into consideration - but would I be being a total dick to not mention it during the recruitment process, then fuck off on mat leave a few months in?

Feel like I should continue to be open and honest - and guessing my boss will tell the recruiting team anyway. But also mindful that if it was my OH in this position, he wouldn’t be telling the recruitment team, even though we’ll be sharing parental leave. So maybe I’m just channelling the patriarchy and getting imposter syndrome before the job’s even been advertised!

Interested to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar position, or honest opinions from people who hire and fire!

Cheers!

OP posts:
Bibbetybobbity · 19/07/2021 15:01

Definitely don’t mention it until you really have to eg if there’s a high number of medical apts etc. I would 100% not bring into recruitment process, nor would I be as open about it in the future. I’m a hiring head of dept in the charity sector.

tartanblanketdog · 19/07/2021 15:13

Don't mention it - it is not relevant they are not allowed to take it into account.

larrythelizard · 19/07/2021 16:23

I would definitely go for it and not mention it, it may not work first time and then you'll feel like you didn't take the opportunity and also don't (yet) have a baby.

It may feel dishonest, but as you say, your OH wouldn't even consider it.

Good luck with it all!

Phineyj · 19/07/2021 16:26

Yikes, don't mention it. There is no upside. And ask your boss not to mention it either. If the stars align and everything happens fast (including getting the job!) worry about it then.

Twickerhun · 19/07/2021 16:29

I recruit loads and have been through IVF just after getting a new job - don’t say anything.

cookiesandcreamm · 19/07/2021 16:40

As others don't mention it

Namechangeforthisquestion7 · 19/07/2021 17:17

No need to mention it, it's irrelevant to your ability to do the job.

EL8888 · 19/07/2021 17:20

Don’t mention it at all. As someone else said your husband wouldn’t whilst going for a promotion. Sorry to be negative but it may not work -l say that as a reality and after doing 2 rounds of IVF myself. They both failed and in hindsight l wouldn’t have been so open with people or made any decisions contingent on it possibly working

lillg · 19/07/2021 17:25

Don't mention it. They can't legally take it into account - so it's best they don't know about it. If you're planning on sharing parental leave and continuing with your career, then you definitely need to go for your dream job.

MissingThePoint1 · 19/07/2021 18:28

How long have you been working for the company and how many other people would be suitable for the post?

I've had ivf twice, first time I was promoted whilst going through treatment, that was successful.
There was then a second promotion I was asked to apply for and I said I was doing ivf again soon, I was still promoted. But my company is quite small and there wasn't really anyone else who the second promotion would have been suitable for, it was a senior position and I'd been there 6 years the job description was so specific that not many others could have applied.

I think you should trust what your gut is telling you to do, if you're unsure keep quiet!

AngelsWithSilverWings · 19/07/2021 18:37

I got two promotions while on my 4 year IVF journey The sad fact is there is no guarantee of success so the best thing is to keep it quiet as much as you can.

MilduraS · 19/07/2021 22:45

The manager 3 levels above me was promoted a month or two before going on maternity leave. Promotions in my workplace (university) are strictly on merit and she was the best candidate. They seconded someone into her role while she was on maternity then they went back to their own role when she returned.

BeachPeach · 20/07/2021 14:05

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts, will definitely keep quiet and hope my boss doesn’t mention it when I tell him I’m applying

OP posts:
EATmum · 20/07/2021 16:15

Don't even think about not applying. No man would mention it or think that he shouldn't apply. Good luck!

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