SAHM or Retun to Work?

[RedFox229]

Hi, I wanted some advice from people as I don't know what to do. I'm currently on maternity leave and due to return to work in a few months. However, I can't imagine leaving my LO and my heart wants to be a SAHM and quit, which my my husband fully backs. On the flip side my head is saying we need the money as my husband is a student so we would be living entirely on his student loan and savings until he graduates and gets employment. I don't earn much so it's not like I'm giving up a high-paid job, but 2.5 - 3 days a week would be enough to cover rent. I'd also have to pay back some maternity pay if I left.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do? We only want 1 child, so this would be my only chance to be there and raise my child when they are young.

I would definitely go back to work in these circumstances. Nothing against SAHMs (I was one myself at one point) but I would NEVER use savings to be one.

Many parents find that 2.5-3 days at work is a good balance. When you do want to return to work you'll struggle to find those hours.

In your circumstances I would go back.
I dreaded it but honestly I soon settled back in and I enjoy it more, it's my break I call it

3 days is such a good balance for me and my family.

I'm a SAHM. Like you, I know my toddler DC will be an only child and I'm so happy to be spending this time with him and for me it feels like the best choice. I have (for now) the luxury of money not being too tight, as I spent a few years saving before getting pregnant to cover me not working during his preschool years. No extravagant luxuries but also no real money worries. Having said all this, though, for however much I love this time, if money was a constant stress, it wouldn't be worth being at home. So if a careful look at finances allows for you to be at home, I'd do it!

I think you would be crazy to not return to work, at least until your husband finishes studying and is employed.

Times are tough right now, I know it will feel hard, but what if it takes your husband a while to get a job once he finishes studying, then what will you do? How will you live / pay your rent etc.

I think you need to look at the longer picture and consider being a SAHM once your husband finishes studying.

I feel so privileged to be a SAHM. We're financially poorer because of it, but no amount of money could make up for missing out on this precious time with my children.

And I would be missing out if I worked: out of about 11 waking hours a day, if I went back to my old job I'd see them for maybe a couple of hours. Rushed hours of getting ready for nursery or ready for bed.

I don't judge working mothers - most of my friends with children go out to work. But I'd recommend being a SAHM to anyone.

I did the SAHM thing. My career had been fucked. I wish I hadn't. I don't regret being with my DC but I wish I had worked PT when they were small. I would have had a better work-life balance (some time away from nappies etc). Now looking FT now children are older and Sam having to look at jobs paying less that I was earning pre-DC.

You have to go with your heart, always.
If you aren't bothered about expensive luxuries and can manage to pay your bills then why not.
Kids are only little for a while, I never regretted it for a moment and as a family it gave us so much flexibility enabling us to H.ed and travel with dh work.

You don't really have a choice, as you are the only earner.
My dh was a student when we had our dc. I mean, he also worked at the weekend too, to bring money into the budget, but I was under no illusion I had to return to work.

As has been said, the 'thought' of going back is much worse than actually working. You soon get into your new routine.

As a mum with older kids I would say a couple of things. Part time work can be hard to find. It’s much easier to get as a return from maternity leave. If you are part time you will be able to spend the majority of your time every week with your child.
Secondly with pre schoolers they are generally happy for anyone to look after them. When they get older, it’s you they want eg to Go to school events etc. having an established career where you are known and have built up good will makes it much easier to take time off for this kind of event.
Kids get more expensive and you also need to be thinking about your pension. Your dc may may be very unhappy to see you living in poverty when you are older.

So I would think about it from the point of view of the whole of your child life

I'm a sahm and would recommend it BUT in your exact circumstances I would actually go back to work. You have the option to work PT so that's great, and you can't practically survive on a student loan.

I was also lucky to have the opportunity of an unpaid career break from my employers - do you think yours might do this too?
I was off 3.5y after having DD then went back to my old job PT for a year, now I'm off after having DS. I will return again after he's 3.5.

@Rainbowqueeen

As a mum with older kids I would say a couple of things. Part time work can be hard to find. It’s much easier to get as a return from maternity leave. If you are part time you will be able to spend the majority of your time every week with your child. Secondly with pre schoolers they are generally happy for anyone to look after them. When they get older, it’s you they want eg to Go to school events etc. having an established career where you are known and have built up good will makes it much easier to take time off for this kind of event. Kids get more expensive and you also need to be thinking about your pension. Your dc may may be very unhappy to see you living in poverty when you are older. So I would think about it from the point of view of the whole of your child life

This.

Parenthood is the long game.

My teen dcs love it that we are financially secure and have choices. They are incredibly lucky not to worry about affording school trips, driving lessons or needing student loans.

Would they have traded it in so that I could have been at home with them as an SAHM when they were younger? They would look at me like I had grown 2 heads.

I believe dcs gain the most from their parents being at home during the teenage years. It is more the SAHM than the dc that gains from the parent being at home during the pre-school years. If the childcare is good quality, it does not make much of a difference during the early years. However, with one teen about to go to university, the amount of research and support and careers advice we are giving to dd can only be provided/organised by her parents, not even the schools careers advisor. The more tricky emotional, educational minefields of teenagers need parental input and presence.

I think it would be crazy for a family of 3 to try and live on a student loan while using up all your savings. Puts you all in a very precarious position with nothing to fall back on if needed.

In you do need to go back to work after maternity leave. However see if you can talk to your boss/manger about altering your contract to see if you can work part time?

if you need help in looking over your contract for this, I would suggest seeking advice from a Lawyer or solicitor.

Maybe try/ check this website out: www.legalutopia.co.uk/

I totally agree with @blueshoes

Sahm. I worked with my first, we had money for holidays and days out. I felt sad a lot of the time as I wanted to have more time with him. With second, i've been a sahm until he's 3, then i'm starting 2 days a week in a few weeks time. We have 0 savings but i've had the best time!