Rights to fathers

[rotana]

Hi, i just feel like complaining about how my DH is being treated by employers. My DH works 4 days a week (as I do) so that our DS is only in nursery 3 days a week. DH works on a contract basis of 6 months to a year, the last one is ending and he is finding it extremely difficult to get employers on his side when he states that he does not work Fridays, to the point that those giving the interview give comments such as, ''this is usually asked by the ladies'', by the way where is your wife?. It is very frustrating to see a guy wanting to be involved in his son's life and hearing smart comments like that. I also get stupid comments from girls saying 'oh he is a very domesticated guy', doesn't he work? I see him on Fridays around in town?
Society wants men to be involved in family life but yet when they are they are being put down!

rotana, I totally sympathise. I think it goes to show that the traditional roles still dominate to a surprising degree and if only more men were willing to stick their necks out like your DH, they would be paving the way for much more equal parenting.

Good for your DH, he sounds a gem and I hope he doesn't get put off being involved!

rotana - massive sympathies. Comments like "this is usually asked for by the ladies" demonstrate exactly how far we still have to go in this country. I used to work in Sweden and it was completely standard not to arrange a meeting to start after 1530, as everyone with kids - male and female - generally had a commitment to leave at 1630 to pick kids up at kindergarten.

What does "this is usually asked for by the ladies" even mean? That he's somehow not entitled to it because he's not female? Or - more likely - they literally cannot comprehend why a man would choose to spend time with his child rather than work full time . (My dh is a SAHD but we are not in your situation as he is too ill to work in any case). In Sweden this would not even be questioned. I remember when a friend of mine went on paternity leave, I was like "surely his wife hasn't had another baby already?" Of course not. She'd done six months and now he was doing six. In fact it's now mandatory in Sweden for fathers to take 3 months off as part of the parental leave.

Unfortunately your dh is being a pioneer, decades after this should have become standard. Like all pioneers he is getting the sharp end of the stick, but without him we will never reach a situation where it is normal for a guy to consider working p-t to accommodate his childcare needs.

Fly the flag for non-traditional parenting! And get Xenia to have a word with his bosses!