Dreading going back after a weeks holiday

[LoveBeingAMum555]

My job has a lot going for it, I am well paid, work flexible hours, I get on with my colleagues, and it is a short commute from home. I worked hard to get promoted 3 years ago and since then my workload and the expectations of what I can achieve just grow and grow, I get very little support from higher up and I feel constantly stressed.

Tomorrow is my first day back after a week off and I feel physically sick at the thought of going back. I also feel guilty for not enjoying the job that I once wanted so badly, and feel like a failure for not being able to cope.

DH and I are trying to clear debts and it would make a lot of sense for me to stay in this job for another 3 or 4 years but I hate feeling so anxious and worried.

What advice would you give me? I keep going around in circles wondering if I can learn to deal with the work stress better, or whether leaving is the only option.

I hear you! This is not a nice situation for you but are you able to consider these questions:

• Are you putting pressure on yourself, or is the pressure coming from your manager/organisation?

• When you say you don't get support - what have you asked for? Have you told your manager (or anybody at work) how you are feeling?

-- Is there anything you can give up/delegate? e.g. saying to your manager that you don't have time for x if you are going to do y properly. Or asking for clarity, "Is this task more important than that one? I can't complete both today."

• Can you ever imagine this role being enjoyable? When you took the promotion did you think you could do it? What were you looking forward to then?

• What is at stake? What happens if you don't put in 100% or if you make a mistake?

I've been trying to deal with my own anxiety since being promoted. At first I wanted to prove that I was up to the challenge but in fact, after taking on more and more responsibility, I gradually realised that I had way to lower my expectations of myself and also manage the expectations of my manager.

Thanks, thats really helpful and has given me some things to think about.

The bloke that I took over from had worked for the company for 20+ years and was seen as some sort of God. In fact I found his files were a mess and there were a lot of things that he hadnt been doing properly for a while, but no-one ever questioned him. This has made it harder and I definitely put pressure on myself to live up to his reputation, which is ridiculous.

DH has questioned whether it's partly my attitude to work that is the problem not the job, and I think there is some truth in that. I have asked for a meeting with my line manager so that I can be honest about how I am feeling and talk through some specific issues. I also need to learn to say no more but it just doesnt come easily to me!

I dont think the Covid situation has helped either because I have been WFH a lot, and face to face interaction with other people really helps to get things in perspective.

I am starting to feel that I am not up to the job and I need to nip this in the bud before it festers and destroys my confidence.

I agree that WFH makes it more difficult to keep perspective. You are probably doing a much better job than you think. Just the fact that you care about it and want to do a good job is a good sign.

Saying no isn't necessarily a bad thing. See it as helpfully keeping your manager informed of issues in good time / balancing your workload / focussing your effort where it will get meaningful results / aligning yourself with your company's goals... etc...