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Struggling with assertiveness at work

5 replies

DarkDarkNight · 22/06/2021 20:58

I’m not the most assertive of people out of work but I’m not a complete pushover. However at work I end up doing things I shouldn’t (such as a task I’m not signed off for) because I can’t stand my ground and I’m a people pleaser.

It happened again today, I’m so annoyed at myself because I finished a task for somebody else that I was determined not to do. This person steamed in at the start and took over then lost interest, they were really cavalier with the bit they did and all weekend I have worked myself up about not finishing it for them. Come today of course and the deadline is approaching and it has been left to me. I asked my manager to witness my part because I am not officially signed off and didn’t start the process (and also because of the way my colleague works) but he said I didn’t need supervised as it was similar to other work I do. So I did the work inwardly seething at myself.

Has anybody overcame this lack of assertiveness? I want to be able to stand up for myself but find it so hard to challenge authority.

OP posts:
RainbowBriteUk · 24/06/2021 20:00

I'm exactly the same @DarkDarkNight at times, especially when my homelife or worklife is stressful anyway.

I worked with a group earlier in the week and because I lacked assertiveness, I kept on telling them their ideas were good, even though looking at them now, they're not great at all, haven't been thought through and are a risk. I don't know why I lacked the assertiveness to say the ideas weren't great and needed rethinking but I was sooooo mad at myself today when my manager (gently) pulled me up on it. I have to tell the group that their ideas won't work at the next meeting so I have just made extra work for myself!!!

RainbowBriteUk · 24/06/2021 20:01

Sorry, I didn't answer your question, just really sympathise with you!

DarkDarkNight · 25/06/2021 20:53

That’s ok RainbowBriteUk I feel like I am so grateful to have a job I will put up with anything.

I have a colleague who’s great at sticking up for herself, I wish I could be like that.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/06/2021 07:27

Read nice girls dont get the corner office. That will help.

OrangeRug · 28/06/2021 15:27

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Read nice girls dont get the corner office. That will help.
Yes! Also "Lean In".

I think when it comes to being assertive you have to fake it till you make it. The first time you do it your heart will be pounding but it gets easier the more you do it.

I'm only 4'11 and look about 12 so I've spent most of my adult life being disrespected but I've really had enough of it now and have started standing up for myself a lot more over the past couple of years.

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