I'm worried about work

[mumtothree72]

Hi, will try to keep it brief,

My partner has had a breakdown, he had an illness that kept him off work for around five days, when he was due to go back, which was just one day before his days off, he decided to take the day off as he was tired.

Then when he was due to go back again to work, he was up for it and got his clothes ready the day before, but come the morning he panicked and arranged holiday for the next week.

Then during this week he broke down to me, saying he's not coping and has issues that date back years since he was a child. I contacted his drs and he is now receiving help, he's still in a bad way as it will be a slow process.

He's been signed off work and his employer has agreed to pay him this first period, what happens after that I don't know yet, this is obviously worrying him a lot, I've not commented how I feel, but I'm worried about money too.

I've had some days off work to support him on bad days like today I've requested to have as holiday as I can't afford to do unpaid.

My question really is can I be signed off for a while to be a carer or something? Or can you offer any advice as to how I can get financial help. We have a mortgage which I'm not on. He earns too much for government help.

Thank you and sorry it was long x

Sorry to hear about this, sounds so stressful.

You can't be signed off as a carer.
But you need to be up front with work. Tell them what's going on. They may be able to help - you may be entitled to some compassionate leave, they may be able to adjust your working hours temporarily. Check your policies for compassionate leave.

Worst case scenario your GP could sign you off sick with stress/anxiety - but you need to check your sick pay entitlement.

Good luck.

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. You will at some point need to talk to him about the mortgage. It's his responsibility. Does he have savings and how much do you contribute?

He could try and negotiate a mortgage holiday.

Are your finances joint?

If he develops long term serious problems he could look at applying for Personal Independence Payments, which aren't means tested.

There isn't financial support really for being ill. SSP if you're employed and entitled to it. Universal credit potentially.

If he has income protection insurance then look at that.

It's hard really to tell from your post what's wrong and what the prognosis is - which is fine, that's his private info - so I'm not sure what else to say.

The longer he's off the harder it will become to go back - that panic that caused him to keep postponing will grow and grow until it's faced. Which is what mental health services would be saying and would be encouraging him to go back even if on a phased return or reduced hours. Working can be better for MH if it's possible to maintain employment (again, what MHS will tell him).

Maybe look at Access to Work support for him. And have a think about what phased return would be manageable.

Thank you all for your responses, sorry I meant to say I have told work and they are supportive towards me having time off.

I contribute a pittance towards the house as my earnings are low but reasonable in a near full time job.

I had my own small house bought outright after my separation and eventual divorce. Then my partner moved in and after a few years decided to get a very small mortgage to pay off a few things.

I signed the house over to him to enable us to do this, I was in debt management at the time.

Recently we've been thinking about adding me to the mortgage as my credit rating has improved.

I thought about the payment holiday too as he did one for a loan he had in lockdown but he left the mortgage going.

Is there any way I can speak to any of these banks/loan companies myself, he's really not up to it at the moment, i know they'd probably need to speak to him at some point.

He should check his occupational sick pay entitlement - how lng he gets paid full rate when off sick. That will give you a view at to timescales.

You say you have a very small mortgage (or rather he does). Is it the mortgage you are worried about, or general living expenses?

You won’t get Carers allowance as you need to care for over 30hrs and earn less than. £100 ish a week. If he’s not getting paid maybe ESA. Long term maybe PIP, but for MH that’s very hard to get and only around £240 a month. Look at mortgage holiday, they may let you speak if he authorises it first. Look at cutting costs in other areas like getting rid of non essentials like TV packages.
Like someone said earlier, it’s not a good idea long term to stay of work for Mental health and definitely look at phased return or part time. Is there a reason you seem to think it will be long term??

There isn't financial support really for being ill.

Of course there is

Op I am unemployed mainly due to mh issues, hopefully he will recover soon and you won't have to deal with any of this but IF he can't return to work then there is help available financially

I receive ESA (employment support allowance, used to be incapacity benefit which it was when I first claimed) as I started my claim a long time ago, I also receive pip, housing benefit and council tax benefit. But there are certainly people on UC as a result of being unable to work due to mh issues.

I agree the longer he's off the harder it is to go back, so he needs as much support as possible to get well again. Not least because if he leaves a job for this reason it will be incredibly hard for him to get another especially in the current economic climate

Is he in a union? Does he have employment protection on the mortgage?

I've never owned so can't really comment on that. But shelter may be able to advise.

Other than that I strongly advise you speak to your local council welfare advice dept. They all have them but sometimes they have a different name

They will be able to advise regarding financial side of things for both of you. Not everything is only available to non workers

Employment side speak to acas I think would be good, or Union if either of you in one.

Be honest with employers and her them up to date.

Bank etc may need him for data protection to give them permission to communicate with you but that can be done

Please try not to worry, there is help available you just need to know how to access and get support to access

My final but crucial piece of advice is don't even attempt to complete claim forms yourself. They are complex and designed to make a claim less likely to be successful. I hold 2 degrees and worked in the civil service so thought I'd be ok - I learned the hard way you need expert support in completing them - this is what I use the welfare advice dept for. They're up to date with current deadlines, key phrases, how the forms are laid out and other issues

Hi all thank you for all the responses, it's not a very small mortgage it's around 145/50 now but we have equity.

I did a self referral for counselling for he we just need to ring them to make the appointment, I'm sure there will be a long waiting list.

He really wants to get back to work and will try the phased return.

I will try calling the banks and see if they will talk to me after talking to him.

I’ve been a working parent since I went back to work when my eldest was eight months old. He’s now fourteen . I also have an eleven and four year old.

Since Covid my job has become massively more demanding and recently I am struggling to cope with the pressure and have been feeling anxious and a little depressed. I have made some mistakes under a lot of pressure and now feel like I’m useless. There are no disciplinary proceedings or anything formal I have just been left feeling useless.

We can just about manage on my husband’s income and he is very supportive but I don’t want to leave us short of cash. As far as I can see my options are:

1. Get signed off by a doctor but I’d always have the worry of going back in the end.
2. Apply for other jobs (I have started but the flexibility I need limits options).
3. Just quit and take time to sort myself out and accept money will be tight.
4. Tough it out and hope things get better.

Any insights would be welcome and I know people haven’t bigger problems but this is big for me at the moment.