Working mums: I need support and reassurance

[Marghe87]

I will be back at work full time in a few weeks when DD will be almost 1 yo.
Feeling very emotional about it and I fear she will struggle to adapt at nursery. I know these feelings are completely normal but I was hoping some of you could share a positive experience and reassuring words, I really need that.

A few things I’d like to specify:

• No, I cannot work part time
• No I would never consider being a SAHM, nor could I afford to be one even if I wanted to
• I like my job and colleagues and my employer is pretty flexible in terms of working hours and work from home arrangements (pandemic aside)
• We don’t have relatives to help us and we chose a good nursery near home, seems like the best choice for us

I know it’s all going to work out in the end but feeling sad and anxious about ending mat leave and leaving my DD

Hi @Marghe87

It's a hugely emotional time for you. There's so much wrapped up in going back to work and the conflicting feelings can be overwhelming. My oldest son is now 7, the younger 5 and they both went to nursery for long days. It was hard at first, but it got easier as they settled into the new routine. It's good to hear that your work is flexible and you enjoy it, hopefully that will help to keep you motivated.

The best advice I can give is to be kind to yourself, acknowledge that you will feel sad and talk about it lots. Don't feel guilty (I know it's easier said than done), what you are feeling is normal. You are making the best choices for your family based on your unique circumstances.

I've been back at work full time for almost a month after 13.5 months maternity leave. Definitely a shock to the system but you all get used to the new routine. I was very upset for the first week or so, and so was my son but you adapt quickly and savour the time you do get together. Don't feel guilty, you're doing your best!

My advice - try to stop worrying! She will be fine at nursery and work will be fine.

I understand the weird pressure caused by others going part time or not going back, and honestly, nobody is judging you. Your child will be fine. And you will still get the most important time together, all the weekends, the evenings, the holidays. If anything, I loved those times more because we had time apart in the day. And my kids leant so much from our childminder!

I'm in a slightly different boat as I am not in UK and my maternity leave was only 4 months. I went back to work full time and my DD goes to a childminder 9-6pm every day.

We have never had any tears at either pickup or drop off. She loves it at the childminders with the other mindees. She gets lots of experiences she wouldn't get with me and is coming on leaps and bounds as she thrives being in contact with the slightly older children. She is nearly 1 now and I don't regret going back to work. I enjoy having some balance with work and love being a mum - I'm much more focused on spending quality time with DD when we're together.

So it doesn't have to be a negative experience.