Advice from parents with 2 kids..

[Justgettingbye]

Mat leave with second child coming to an end, and eldest is about to start school in September.

Is it possible to work 37 hours with a 10month old and 4 year old at school?

Obviously it is but what I mean is how does it affect your life?
What are the negatives /positives?
Do you feel bad not doing pick up/drop off?
Her school has breakfast/after school clubs.

We could probably get by on one wage, my mh is in tatters being home with kids all the time and I crave adult time. Obviously sort time jobs are difficult to get.

Previously after first mat leave I went back 3 days which was fine as I had a flexible employer and didn't have to coincide with school hours.

Should say part time jobs

I was in your position last year (now have a 5 and 2yo). Getting back to work after mat leave 2 felt much easier but the logistics of 2 much harder. My daughter loves after school club but she is very aware that she is the only one in from reception on some days. There are quite a few that do 3 days and we do 4. A lot depends on your 4yos personality. Mine has got on fine- v rarely tired, loves lots of activities, quite socially mature. However, a couple of her friends have got very tired in the wrap around care and would rather be at home. There are a few children in her class that would really struggle with wrap-around especially full time.

I’d say we’re just about managing with 4 days but my job is very full on with lots of out of hours working. I am reluctant to go to 5 days as I want the day at home with my youngest and to be able to do pick-up so we can do an activity after school. My daughter also loves holiday clubs but again I know some children don't.

Short-term it feels quite hard but I think long term it will be worth it.

Is your husband worried about how he'll do his half?

It is of course possible and in my experience all hinges on military style logistical planning, and both you and dh being clear on who is doing what with which child at which hour of the day! I've got 3 dcs and by the time the third came and I went back to work (at which point I then had 2 in nursery and 1 had just started primary), I had one of those big calendars on the wall with it all detailed every day. Made things much easier.

As with everything just remember it will take getting used to. After about 2 months of being in the new routine you will struggle to remember the old routine and before you know it the routine you're in will need to change and you'll go through all the angst again!

As for using breakfast clubs etc - that's what they are there for, parents whose working hours do not match school opening times - don't be worried about using this. Mine were all in breakfast and after school club for about 4 years straight. Then the first lock down happened and i was lamenting having to get their breakfast one day and when I said things were so much easier when school did their breakfast they had literally no idea what I was talking about - no memory of it at all!

Make of that what you will but don't feel guilty about whatever choices you make for your family

@Dustyhedge thank you for sharing! I don't feel the 'guilt' this time around it's what you said about the logistics that's giving me the headache. Where did your youngest go was it nursery/cm/family member?

@WaterBottle123 he supportive of whatever decision I make ie go back to work or sahm and says we will make it work but the actual planning he isn't great at. Unfortunately all this stuff seems to come down to the mum to sort out rightly or wrongly!

@SeaSweet thank you it the milatary planning seems like a necessaty!

I work just around 40 hours and have done since youngest was 7 months. Oldest is at school
It’s fine but you need to be organised and their dad needs to do his share!
I work shifts though so get time off in the week which makes it manageable. I think 9-5 would be pretty relentless although doable

@Justgettingbye

If he's not shouldering half the responsibility and mental load then he's not supportive.

Justgettingbye Youngest was nursery and it is much more straightforward than school. She’s the easy one getting out the door and I always know nursery will feed her, sort suncream etc. I feel like the older one needs more attention to make sure she’s had a good breakfast, appropriate input for reading etc as there is just less care and attention at school than nursery.

Lockdown last year forced us to experiment with childcare. She went to 2 different holiday clubs as nursery was closed but it meant that by the time school started she was well used to different environments and being more independent. In hindsight that summer was a bigger transition than school really.