Job interview and newborn

[Birnam]

So, I have recently had a baby. We had a bit of a hard time and were in hospital for a week afterwards, with me then having to go back in for a blood transfusion after a day at home. We were then home for 2 weeks and I was back in hospital for another week with my newborn as he got ill (only me allowed, restricted to a room, no visits from OH due to covid). During my time in hospital second time around I got a txt from my manager to say a promotion (which was really hyped to me as being my job before I went on mat leave) had been advertised and I need to apply. Obviously a horrible time for me at that point but the day after I got out of hospital, I got my OH to look after baby and I cobbled together my application form. At this point I was really delirious with having no sleep, my hormones still all over the place and emotional from being in hospital with my baby. I then got given a job interview date for a few days later. It was the last thing on my mind as I tried to get through the days with my new baby, but i sat on my own the night before and did some prep with OH looking after baby. It wasn't nearly the amount or prep I'd do for an interview usually, I just didn't have the time. The night before the interview, I got 2hrs sleep, split into half hour chunks. It was horrendous. I cried. My mum took the baby to allow me to do my interview. First time anyone had taken him for the day on their own. I did the interview, did not do well, felt spaced out the whole time and not entirely with it. Needless to say I didn't get the job. I was so so upset about the whole thing. If this had been a different time, I know the job would've been mine. Since then I've tried to forget about it and just finally settle in to maternity leave with my new baby. However, I'm not aware that my colleague who is in that level of job, has gone on maternity leave, her cover was advertised and a newer colleague interviewed and got that role. If I wasn't on maternity leave, I'd have gone for that job. But I'll be on maternity leave still for the majority of that cover so I couldn't apply. I just think that me having a baby has jeopardised my chance of ever getting promoted now, as this colleague who is covering the maternity position will now be in a much better position than me at getting any future roles that come up. I just feel as though my chances have been taken away from me and I'm so upset about it all. Am I being silly? Is there anything I can do to make myself feel better about this whole thing? I don't want to go back to work now and my maternity leave has been tainted by all of this, I just cry about it to myself sometimes.

Sounds like you have had a tough time - definitely not the best time to be applying for new jobs! Sleep deprivation is absolutely awful and you’re never going to be in the best frame of mind for a job interview - frankly I applaud you for going through with it in the first place.

Right now you’re seeing everything through the lens of a gazillion hormones, the chaos a new baby brings and zero sleep. Trust me it will all seem better eventually and you certainly haven’t jeopardised your career or future chances - it just wasn’t quite the right time and it’s a bit unfortunate that these two opportunities happened to come up with the same bad timing for you.

I remember when I was on mat leave and a job came up at the next level, I just felt the whole thing was impossible and didn’t apply. I worked very part time until my DD went to school, and was grateful to have a job that allowed me that flexibility to spend most of my time with DD in the tiny years. Once she went to school I put some energy into my career - she is now 9, and i have been promoted 3 times since she went to school. The opportunities I’ve had in the last 4/5 yrs have been waaay better that the one I didn’t feel confident enough to apply for all those years ago.

Would you have been prepared to finish your maternity leave early to accept the job.....if not then you have your answer?

(I could only take 18 weeks leave as my company leave rubbish and I'm the main earner)

I don't want to read and run. I find disappointment one of the most difficult emotions to deal with so you have my sympathy. I'm sorry you didn't get the promotion. I think you're a hero for even trying under the circumstances.
I find it helps to acknowledge the 'why' bit of why I wanted to do the thing so much. Did you want the promotion in order to bring in more money for your family? Are you worried about job/financial security generally & want to feel more secure? Or is it about personal development? Once you can acknowledge your reason/s then you can start to disentangle yourself from this particular disappointment and look at other ways of meeting that need. What is the 'why' bit for you OP?

I think you're a little hard on yourself.

You are doing everything right career wise. You did the right thing applying. I would have done the same. Trying to only go for something when it's the perfect timing just isn't how you get ahead. You get ahead by pushing for every opportunity that comes up regardless of timing. Some of them don't work out like this didn't. That's fine. Just keep going after it. Something will happen one of those times if you just keep at it.

If you didn't apply you wouldn't have got the role and you'd be in the exact same position. Actually probably worse position. I know of at least a few employers who like to reject candidates for their first promotion or 2 they apply too, you got that out of the way. I know it's ridiculous but I've seen it first hand. You just gotta keep going after it once you're back from maternity leave.

* If I wasn't on maternity leave, I'd have gone for that job. But I'll be on maternity leave still for the majority of that cover so I couldn't apply.*

^So why beat yourself up about this?

Put it out of your mind. The timing was bad, that's all. It won't be the last opportunity you ever had.

I had a job interview when mine was two weeks old. It was 300+ miles away. I was desperate to move to that location and jobs were incredibly scarce. It was a replica of my existing job so I would have been a shoe-in. But it was just impossible to go with a newborn. I withdrew and eventually something better came along.

Congratulations on your baby.

I had the exact same experience, the difference being that I had been acting up into the more senior role for 18 months prior to going on maternity leave. It was 'my role' but due to HR not getting their shit together with recruitment they didn't get round to interviewing before I went off. I was interviewed when DC was 6 months and not only had I not been to sleep for 6 months, was still breastfeeding like a tap I was also super rusty having been out of the workplace for half a year. I totally ploughed the interview and still get flashbacks of embarrassment when I think about it. Obviously I didn't get the role. Going back from mat leave to a demotion is really hard to swallow and I do feel like having a baby has fucked my career so really glad to hear from PPs that it picks up again post kids and hoping this is the case.

No advice for you but sympathy because it feels awful and unfair and that's because it fucking
is!