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Bullying at work - pregnant and stressed :(

13 replies

spacegirl123 · 11/06/2021 16:17

I'm being bullied in work at the minute, it's something that has gone on for about 2 years but I've always been able to hold my head high and stand up to her which she has hated. I've done extremely well in my job and have always been able to prove my worth and rise above her relentless targeting. Sorry, this is a long post but I'd appreciate any advice.

I've been able to cope with it until now, but now I'm pregnant I'm finding it extremely stressful. The person in question is a director in the senior leadership team and I'm two levels below her.

The bullying consists of relentless scrutiny on every aspect of my job, minor admin mistakes turn into a full saga where my manager and director get pulled in, other staff get quizzed and I'm asked for a direct apology to her, she withholds budget approval for every one of my projects until the last minute despite paperwork etc. having been submitted months in advance (no reason) and then releases the budget leaving me with v little time to complete work, I'm the only person in the directorate who has to write a fresh business case for every project I do even where our activity plan and budget has been approved (even repeat projects we do every year).... There's nothing in my performance record that would require this.

Because it took her so long to approve the budget for my last project my timescales went from the required 5 months to 10 weeks. I worked 10 hr days, 6 days a week to complete the work, while undergoing IVF which ended in miscarriage the week before my project launched. I worked through. Work knows about my IVF.

Right now, she is fixated on an admin issue that didn't meet the normal processes due to circumstances, genuinely out of my control, to do with paying an existing supplier. I apologised and offered an explanation. She asked for a further letter of apology and explanation and said she would have to consider what further action she would need to take. I'm not sure if that's disciplinary action against me, or sanctions against the whole team. I provided the letter, in the hope that she would accept that and pay the supplier for the work done. She refuses to accept the explanation and has gone through it line for line asking for proof of conversations, further explanation, what alternatives did I consider etc.

I have reviewed our disciplinary procedures and what she is doing is conducting an investigation, she has consulted other members of staff to confirm dates and other facts in the letter and copied in my manager and director. She's withholding payment to the supplier until she's satisfied. I have nothing else to say. At the same time I need to start work again with this supplier (again, much later than I should be due to budget hold-up). It's damaging my relationship with the supplier and putting my next project at risk. With mat leave looming in five months, this is extremely stressful.

With regard the investigation, she hasn't followed any of the outlined procedures - it's supposed to be independent, HR should be involved, it's meant to be framed as an investigation with an outline of potential next steps (disciplinary etc.). It's also supposed to be attempted to be resolved informally first.

I need to put an end to this once and for all, for the sake of my pregnancy. I get no real support or protection from my manager or director, this director has cultivated a real culture of fear whereby if someone challenges her she makes things extremely difficult for them so until now my superiors have been more concerned with keeping her placated.

Next week I plan to approach her and ask outright:

A. Am I being investigated? These are the reasons I think so....

B. What are the actions that you intend to take (disciplinary or otherwise)? (I'm more than happy to defend myself if it is disciplinary in the right environment with the right support. If it is disciplinary it's enormously disproportionate to the issue so my thoughts are it won't be. If no disciplinary, then what are the further actions?)

C. Why the intense focus on this one incident when it happens regularly by others? It's also genuinely a minor issue with a long-standing trusted supplier and a relatively small sum of money.

If there is no formal investigation and no disciplinary action then I want to put an end to the matter once and for all and move on.

I don't know how to approach this. I've already had an informal conversation with HR about the impact the relentless scrutiny has on me and I know my director and manager won't want me to take it further, her behaviour these past few years toward me has been a headache for them but they don't really defend me for fear of repercussions.

At this stage I'm happy to go it alone and fight this myself. I spoke to our employee assistance programme and I will seek further legal advice through them. I'll speak to HR again on Monday and let them know what I'm doing and why, and get their assurance that this matter will be settled once I get answers to my questions.

I can't work in these conditions for the next five months so I want it to end so I can just go back to doing a good job. I also can't get myself to the level of stress and burnout as in my previous project. My number one priority is my baby that we fought so long for.

I guess what I'm asking is does anyone have any advice on how I approach this with HR, with my manager and director and finally with the bully?

Thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
Herbie0987 · 11/06/2021 16:52

Have no advice, but look after yourself and the baby, congratulations and hope all goes well.

Evasmissingletter · 11/06/2021 17:27

Sounds like she is a micromanager. Speak to HR and say her behaviour is causing you stress. Put in a formal complaint so they have to deal with it. ( sounds like they haven’t wanted to deal with it before). She is a bully and people like this have little idea of the impact their behavior has on others. However you have to take responsibility for for your baby and put him/her first now. Please Do not go it alone or fight it yourself you and your babies health is not worth it. I worked for someone like this and she eventually got reported for bullying behavior and was given a pay off to leave. The climate of fear she created was widespread. Even after leaving the company four years later I had hot sweats if her name was mentioned. 💐💐

CoRhona · 11/06/2021 17:29

Are you in a union?

spacegirl123 · 11/06/2021 17:35

Thanks @Herbie0987 ❤️

@CoRhona no we don't have a union, but we do have a third party employee helpline and get legal advice.

@Evasmissingletter sorry you've been through similar. Honestly the Brewdog story really resonated with me. I realised it's the culture of fear that she promotes that is why I have never got the support I need. I wasn't going to put a formal complaint but I think you're right - I think I have to for them to take it seriously and move things on with the proper procedures.

Thanks ladies x

OP posts:
crochetcrazy1978 · 11/06/2021 17:35

Contact your union if you're in one. Failing that try citizens advice or acas

crochetcrazy1978 · 11/06/2021 17:36

Sounds like you have grounds to raise a grievance

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/problems-at-work/dealing-with-grievances-at-work/

whatnow41 · 11/06/2021 18:03

Agree with @crochetcrazy1978 you should raise a grievance. Don't go directly to her. Insist everything goes through HR from now on. Speak to Acas or a union rep if you have one.

Congrats on your pregnancy as well, IVF is brutal and the emotional impact of that journey isn't over for you yet. Take care of yourself and your baby. Thanks

Margaritatime · 11/06/2021 18:04

There is another approach you could take as you are pregnant. Have work conducted a pregnancy health and safety work assessment? As work related stress is one area they must consider.

You could approach HR and ask for an assessment and explain the bullying and informal investigation you are being subject to and ask for a change of working conditions for the next 5 months.
www.hse.gov.uk/mothers/employer/index.htm
maternityaction.org.uk/advice/health-and-safety-during-pregnancy-and-on-return-to-work/

MorriseysGladioli · 11/06/2021 18:08

ACAS are excellent to get advice, and you can just phone them.
They'll be able to sift through what you tell them, and advise on the legality, and how you should deal with it.

What a horrible woman, by the way.
Some people beggar belief!

spacegirl123 · 11/06/2021 18:21

Thanks everyone for your advice, I will call Acas. I've looked at their site but didn't realise I could call them. I also think your idea is a good one @Margaritatime. I think I need to stress my genuine concerns about my pregnancy and what has happened before as the reason I'm pursuing this now and not before. I've also already shared with them that I have been told that my baby might be born very prematurely which not only is an additional stress but means that I have even less time to complete the work!

I'm going to hand this over to HR and just focus on my job until I leave. I will fully expect to be "managed out of the business" by the time I get off mat leave but for now I'll power through. Thanks for your advice everyone I really appreciate it and I feel so much better for your support.

By the way I work for a children's charity believe it or not. 😒

OP posts:
Margaritatime · 11/06/2021 18:32

I think you are being very realistic and quite rightly prioritising your pregnancy. Congratulations and good luck.

GintyMcGinty · 11/06/2021 18:42

I think your approach is very measured and sensible. My main advice would be to do everything your advised to by the legal advice via the EAP and write everything down - dates, times, places, who was present etc.

You are probably going to have to raise a grievance against this woman. If ever there was a time to do it - its now. You have greater legal protection at the moment being pregnant. Any moves on her part to try to discipline a pregnant employee for a minor administration feck up will not be welcomed by HR and if you are ever going to be supported for raising bullying its now.

Good luck to you.

GintyMcGinty · 11/06/2021 18:43

@Margaritatime's advice is excellent.

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