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Original poster

How to tell boss I'm leaving? (small close-knit team)

26 replies

suntancreamandicecream · 02/06/2021 21:40

Just that really.
Tomorrow I need to tell my boss that I'll be leaving (need to do it quite early in the morning) as I think the reference request mind land in her inbox tomorrow.
It's a small, close knit team (only 5 of us) and all have a good relationship. She has invested a lot of time training me and helping me develop in the role so I feel so terrible about telling her I'll be leaving. Nothing wrong with the job, I really enjoy it and get great feedback from colleagues and clients alike. Just feel so "sneaky" about having been actively job hunting behind her back. Only reason I looked for something new is because of logistics/travel. New job is closer to home and will save me lots on transport costs.
Such an awkward conversation to bring up with her, feel like I'll be letting her down :( Anyone else feel this way when announcing plans to leave a job?

OP posts:
accentdusoleil · 02/06/2021 21:43

Can you email her ?

Original poster
suntancreamandicecream · 02/06/2021 21:47

@accentdusoleil

Can you email her ?
I could but we sit in the same small office and will see each other tomorrow so I'd prefer to tell her in person as I think that would be more courteous.
OP posts:
RedLemon · 02/06/2021 21:48

There’s only one way to do it and that’s to just rip off the band aid and tell her face to face.

Tell her exactly what you’ve said- that it’s about the logistics and travel time and you hate feeling you might be letting her down given all the help she’s given you etc but that this is the right decision for you.

It sounds like she’s a decent sort - no doubt she’ll be really sad to lose you but supportive of your choice.

polyjuicepotion · 02/06/2021 22:04

How long have you been in this company? No-one expects people to stay in a role forever. If you've been there for a couple of years, and worked hard, you shouldn't feel guilty. There's nothing sneaky about trying to find a better job! An employment contract is not a marriage!
Explain that you are grateful for the opportunities given to you while in this role, but that you now decided to move on and explain the reasons.
You may want to be prepared though that she will try hard to retain you.

Lighttunnelahead · 02/06/2021 22:15

Only reason I looked for something new is because of logistics/travel. New job is closer to home and will save me lots on transport costs. Did you discuss these issues with her before you started looking elsewhere - if you did then it shouldn't be hard - if you didn't, learn by your error, she'll be pissed with you handling it badly, she may call you out on your lack of transparency.

Zarene · 03/06/2021 05:45

You've not handled anything badly (ignore PP), you have an absolute right to look for new jobs. In fact it's often healthy to have a bit of churn in a team to have new ideas and break up group-think.

If you were in my team I'd prefer you to just tell me - face to face and with no beating around the bush.

Good luck with the new job!

tigger1001 · 03/06/2021 05:53

@Lighttunnelahead

Only reason I looked for something new is because of logistics/travel. New job is closer to home and will save me lots on transport costs. Did you discuss these issues with her before you started looking elsewhere - if you did then it shouldn't be hard - if you didn't, learn by your error, she'll be pissed with you handling it badly, she may call you out on your lack of transparency.
Eh? Looking for a new job without discussing it with your current employer is handling it badly??

I don't know anyone who has went to their current employer to discuss job hunting before starting to look. I very much doubt most employers would take that well.

tigger1001 · 03/06/2021 05:55

Op, you just need to sit down and tell them
what you said here. That you enjoy the job but felt you needed something closer to home.

LongPauseNoAnswer · 03/06/2021 06:05

If a reference check is coming does that mean you haven’t signed your contract yet OP?

If so that’s a dangerous game. Can you get a reference elsewhere?

Lighttunnelahead · 03/06/2021 06:10

Eh? Looking for a new job without discussing it with your current employer is handling it badly??

I don't know anyone who has went to their current employer to discuss job hunting before starting to look. I very much doubt most employers would take that well. you have misunderstood me - to clarify -I was not suggesting OP discusses getting a new job, rather the op has reasons for leaving this small team which might have been resolved via a chat with manager - you don’t know anyone who discusses issues with their employer to achieve a solution before starting to search for a new job - I find that to be very unusual.

ChocOrange1 · 03/06/2021 06:18

@LongPauseNoAnswer

If a reference check is coming does that mean you haven’t signed your contract yet OP?

If so that’s a dangerous game. Can you get a reference elsewhere?

How could you sign a contract before doing references? Obviously the company would want reference from the most recent employer, and won't have signed the contract yet in case the reference is not good. Surely this is quite standard and not "dangerous". Do you think she would get fired for asking for a reference, because I think that would be quite a normal part of HR in being an employer.
CheshireSplat · 03/06/2021 06:19

OP, it's just one of those things that is hard and just needs doing. If you start off with "I need to talk to you about something " and look serious, she'll probably guess you are leaving (or pregnant, if that is feasible).

A team member (we are only 3) handed in her notice recently. If it helps, I had 1 minute of "oh crikey!" but that quickly changed to thinking about the team and what decisions needed to be made. Everyone is different but I don't find it helpful for someone to tell me over and over that they're so sorry (past the initial telling me).

It's a horrible thing to have to so but you just need to take a deep breath.... and check your contract, you probably need to put it in writing too.

ChocOrange1 · 03/06/2021 06:20

I was not suggesting OP discusses getting a new job, rather the op has reasons for leaving this small team which might have been resolved via a chat with manager
How would the manager reduce OPs travel time? Magically transport the office nearer to her home, or buy her a new home?

eepeep · 03/06/2021 06:20

But her issues are transport and logistics. How can the current manager solve that for her?

OP, there's no easy way to do it and she may have a negative reaction. Just stay firm in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong and this is a normal part of working life.

In a short time everyone will be well over the surprise and you'll be looking forward to a new job.

PigGondola · 03/06/2021 06:21

@Lighttunnelahead

Eh? Looking for a new job without discussing it with your current employer is handling it badly??

I don't know anyone who has went to their current employer to discuss job hunting before starting to look. I very much doubt most employers would take that well. you have misunderstood me - to clarify -I was not suggesting OP discusses getting a new job, rather the op has reasons for leaving this small team which might have been resolved via a chat with manager - you don’t know anyone who discusses issues with their employer to achieve a solution before starting to search for a new job - I find that to be very unusual.

But assuming ‘logistics/travel’ means it’s a difficult or lengthy commute from the OP’s home, talking to her manager about it is pointless.
NoSquirrels · 03/06/2021 06:22

It’ll be OK, OP - just get it over with! Just make sure you’re clear how much you’ve enjoyed working there, her input and training, and that it’s logistics that have swayed you towards the new role.

Lighttunnelahead · 03/06/2021 07:47

@PigGondola it would be pointless to explore the op’s future working from home?

PigGondola · 03/06/2021 07:57

[quote Lighttunnelahead]@PigGondola it would be pointless to explore the op’s future working from home?[/quote]
I assume the OP would have considered it if it were possible, or if she actually wanted to WFH.

Nohomemadecandles · 03/06/2021 07:59

It's not personal. People leave jobs all the time. Don't worry about it

FinallyFluid · 03/06/2021 08:06

Good luck, you are working there not sold into slavery.

Lighttunnelahead · 03/06/2021 08:10

@PigGondola that was my point - if she had explored all the negative sides of her old job with her boss and nothing could be done - it was a relatively easy conversation - if she hadn't, her boss will not be happy that she chose to leave rather than have a chat - which isn't unheard of.

donquixotedelamancha · 03/06/2021 09:23

Did you discuss these issues with her before you started looking elsewhere - if you did then it shouldn't be hard - if you didn't, learn by your error, she'll be pissed with you handling it badly, she may call you out on your lack of transparency.

That's not handling anything badly. The manager will only be pissed of if she's childish.

Looking for a new job to improves one's conditions is a normal thing for an employee. There is no duty on employees to continue working (other than notice) where doing so would be inconvenient.

PigGondola · 03/06/2021 10:10

[quote Lighttunnelahead]@PigGondola that was my point - if she had explored all the negative sides of her old job with her boss and nothing could be done - it was a relatively easy conversation - if she hadn't, her boss will not be happy that she chose to leave rather than have a chat - which isn't unheard of.[/quote]
But it’s irrelevant whether her boss is ‘unhappy’ she’s leaving — obviously people are always mildly sad when someone they value leaves a workplace that is functioning well, and recruitment can be a faff, but the OP doesn’t owe her boss any explanations. She’s leaving for a job that works better for her. I left my job before last because I fancied moving countries, so I just gave in my notice, and helped with recruiting my replacement.

Limetta · 03/06/2021 10:15

@PigGondola given how the op speaks about the team she belonged to - I’m thinking it does matter to her on a human level of course there are no requirements for an employee to do this in a particular way but some ways are better than others in terms of how you leave things.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 03/06/2021 11:42

I think everyone who likes their colleagues and work feels bad when resigning. It's normal. As an employer, every time I've had this kind of meeting the resignee has expressed great relief at how well I've taken it.
If she's professional, she'll want you to support you out of your role smoothly and will wish you well.
Rip that band aid off and it'll be fine.