Stick with my job or look for more pay

[Lifewithcherryd]

Hey everyone,

I’ve just got some thoughts I wanted to share and get your opinion on.

I feel like I’m happy but not at the same time so stuck in this rut.

Before having a child, I definitely would say I was a go-getter and would try to climb the “corporate ladder” but since having her, I can’t lie, my priorities have changed and I no longer like the idea of working a 9-5 with her in nursery 5 days a week and only spending proper time with her on the weekends. So I’m currently still working full time but 2 days at home where she’s with me, (whilst it’s a lot to juggle, as my work isn’t so demanding as such- I can still prioritise projects and spend time with her during the day).

But.. I can’t help but feel like I’m settling at the same time. My job doesn’t give me the most satisfaction and when I see friends climbing their work ladder, earning more etc I can’t lie I feel jealous and unsatisfied.

I’m struggling to be content in this stage in my life. I was thinking when she starts school full time (she’s currently 19 months & to be honest I want to have another child anytime from now) to then fully give it my all at looking at a new job. But I also feel that’s a long time away to stay somewhere where I’m not completely happy but it gives me flexibility.

Has anyone had similar thoughts, been in a similar situation or what would you advise?
Thank you x

I think that you either have to settle for jogging on the spot whilst your DD is little and keep the job with flexibility OR climb the ladder and put her in nursery 4/5 days a week - I don't think it's possible to do both.

For me, I couldn't shake the buzz of work so I work full time and DS goes to nursery. I have some fairly non negotiable boundaries about timing of meetings so that I spend a couple of hours with him every day.

Perhaps reflect on how you'll feel in 5 years time staying where you are and 5 years time having put DD in nursery and progressed your career?

Remember though that nothings for ever, you can always change your mind in a week/a month/a year

I went part time when my dc1 was born, have dc2 now, I have had a small promotion but its hardly go getter. I just wanted to say that I have always thought that when both were at school I'd work more hours. However dc2 starts school in Sept and I just don't think it's possible. I want to pick the kids up at 3 not rely on after school care. They are only small and 9-5 is too long a day for them. They break! So just a word of advice that it's not as clear cut as waiting till they're at school then upping your hours.

@larrythelizard thank you for your comment. Honestly the part about waiting 5 years truly got me thinking cause I couldn’t imagine being in the same position I am in now. She’s in nursery 1.5 days now so we’ll see. Plus I love the fact you mentioned you had non negotiables. I’m always afraid of going into a new role and setting expectations/ demands as I would love to ask for a degree of flexible working from the start.

Like you said I can always change my mind anytime so I definitely really need to think about it. Maybe wait until I have another one (due to maternity pay) and then move.

How did you feel about having your little one in nursery full time? I’m assuming you both just got used to it?

@Orangeinmybluelightcup Ooo that definitely just put a spanner in the works because I could fully imagine that would be me too if I was at that stage, wanting to get them from school and not putting them in after school (at least not every day).

But thank you for your comment. It’s definitely given me a lot to think about too.

I’m very surprised that your employer is happy for you to work full time from home and have your child at home with you two days when you are supposed to be working!

And then they want to go to clubs, Dd's got rainbows one night and they both swim another night. If I was at work until 5pm they wouldn't be able to do either. Unless dh finished.

@Lifewithcherryd I'm lucky in that he's a sociable little boy so he loves it. I'm grateful for nursery and all the different stuff they do with him, I'm not cut out to be a SAHM and don't have the creativity, knowledge of patience to do half as much with him!

I don't work between 5 and his bedtime (often work after he's in bed) and I make sure to do all the boring stuff in the week so weekends can just be for fun stuff. It has helped with lockdown in that I'm wfh so no travelling, I'm after a promotion at the moment which I anticipate will probably mean I'll be away a night or so a week but DH is very much an equal parent so that's fine!

@MikeWozniaksMohawk that’s because my partner is also self-employed and he looks after her during those days so I can at least work and see her. I’m also a manager of a team myself and believe in results therefore as long as you are meeting your objectives, not behind on work, available for meetings etc then I don’t see why you can’t manage your time accordingly and I understand that parents can work from home even with their children present.

@Orangeinmybluelightcup there’s always activities right?! Mine goes swimming on a Sunday currently as I couldn’t do weekdays but I know they’ll be more activities in the future too.

@larrythelizard that’s amazing to hear! I love that you sound like such a go-getter, I need some of that my way (especially of recent feeling in this rut) but good luck on that promotion too :) !

[quote Lifewithcherryd]@MikeWozniaksMohawk that’s because my partner is also self-employed and he looks after her during those days so I can at least work and see her. I’m also a manager of a team myself and believe in results therefore as long as you are meeting your objectives, not behind on work, available for meetings etc then I don’t see why you can’t manage your time accordingly and I understand that parents can work from home even with their children present.[/quote]
Ah sorry I thought from your OP that you meant you were in charge of her care while also working. That actually sounds like a lovely set up.

Welcome to motherhood, you’ve been told you can have it all and now you’ve discovered that actually you can’t.

Good luck trying to find that balance I’m 11 years in, 3 kids down and still trying.

I feel the same but ultimately time with my kids meant more.

I would look for another job now. When your kids are at school is when you need the flexibility. Because it’s you they want to attend assembly etc. I would look for something now and work your way into a position where you are so valuable to them that they are willing to let you work flexibly.

You sound like you have great support from your partner so having a crack now is doable.

Starting looking. Investigate which companies you might like to work for who gave good career progression and are family friendly and target them.