Going to work when babies are ill

[Uhu]

Well, the honeymoon period had to end. I've been back at work (3 days a week) for nearly 5 weeks and so far I have had to take twin 2 home early because he was unwell and this week, twin 1 was so ill that I kept both of them home. I told my boss that I intended to work from home for 2 days and would come in the 3rd day as DH would be at home.

So far, we are still in autumn so what is it going to be like when winter finally arrives? On one hand, I accept that the babies (age 8 months) will strengthen their immune systems by catching all the virus and other bugs now but on the other hand, it makes life difficult, particularly when your family lives too far away to provide support.

I can see that for the next couple of years I will have to use most of my annual leave for the odd days off when DSs are not well because I will not always be able to work from home.

The stark reality of working when your babies are small has really hit home. I hope I can get through it because I do enjoy my days at work.

Sympathies Uhu. When my son was young I worked 3 days a week and I remember that in one term (I was a teacher) I took a total of 9 days off due to DS being ill. I had a run in with my boss about it who said I should find alternative arrangements if my son was ill. It was then that I began to plot my retirement from paid employment and when DS was 2 I handed in my resignation and moved to NZ and became a SAHM.
I loved my job but the grief I got for taking time off if DS was ill and the guilt I felt for getting someone else to look after him when he was ill tipped the balance for me ...

PS ... it was the Autumn term that was the worst ... and he was about 9/10 months old. By the time he was 18 months old he didn't get as many bugs ...

Oh Uhu, it so hard isnt it? I wish i could give you some advice but i am just offering my sympathies xx

You are entitled to time off when your children are ill but companies don't have to pay you. My employers allow you to use annual leave so at least you are paid, but obviously you lose holiday. But if you want to keep your holiday you can, you just won't be paid for the carer's leave days. That's the law and your employer can't make you go to work if your babies are ill.
It is hard, I have the same problem. If ds is too ill to go to nursery, either dh or I have to stay home depending on workload (dh works on a website with only two people so it's often tricky).

Ghosty, I'm sorry to hear that. I know that parents are now allowed to take up to 13 weeks non-paid parental leave for children up to the age of 6 so, I might have to invoke my constitutional rights if my boss decides not to be as understanding in the future.

I guess the problem is the stress that one has to endure when a child is ill and you want to be with it but have to go to work. I just know that it is not going to be easy.

Just saw your message Edam. Ditto

Edam - the emergency parental leave is limited to 5 days per annum.

You can use some of the 13 weeks leave but since you have to give notice and can't take it in blocks of less than one week, then don;t think this is going to help when children are sick. You could however use annual leave to cover emergencies and then the parental leave to cover any planned holidays, I suppose.

It is really tricky isn't it? I've been back at work full time for two months and ds (nearly 8 months) has been ill twice. I've just had a week off with him as he had a tummy bug. My boss has a daughter and she's had to take time off with her, so is sympathetic, but I do feel really guilty about it. I think you are allowed to take unused maternity leave up until your child reaches school age, so I suppose this could be used to cover sick leave.

Thanks JH. The guilt that I feel can be so overwhelming at times. Sometimes I feel that I should not enjoy being at work because it means being away from the babies. Then when they are ill, the guilt is magnified. You do wonder if your colleagues think you're heartless for coming in when the children are ill, despite knowing yourself that they are well looked after. Usually, I could not care less what people think but on this issue, I am sensitive because I know that I am not a bad mother. All I can do what is right for me and my family and if others disagree, that's too bad.

not read all messages, so sorry if repeating, but I found that when I first returned to work, and DS first went to childcare and lots of mixing with other children, he seemed to pick up all the bugs going, but now he is (so far - don't want to jinx myself!) quite healthy, so a waffly say of saying it should get better, although I think autumn is the worst time as schools go back, all the bugs get passed round again.

Poor you, Uhu. You are right that it will get easier when they have built up their immune systems a bit. Have you tried multi-vits? I think supplements do help a bit with littlies - so far my two haven't caught any of the bugs whirling around all the kids we know. (Obv touching wood here too!)

YEs, I think there are two options. One is that you stand your ground and if necessary remind your employer of your right to stay home and care for ill child. Or, you can employ a day nanny to look after the child/children. Nannies will still come to work when the child has minor problems, like sticky eye or the are unwell due to teething. However, if it bothers you not to be the one caring for them when they are ill, then the latter isn't a very good option.

Also, nannies are possibly more expensive, and you should have to get one to please your employer. You should do what is right for you, and your employer will have to accept that.

Personally, I have never been shunned or criticised at work for staying home with sick baby. So, I guess I've been fortunate on that one.

Sorry, meant to say "you shouldn't have to get one to please your employer..."

It is probably the trickiest thing about being a working mother. But it will get better - don't think you need to worry about the winter being worse. When my DS started nursery (and this was June) I was in casualty with him in the first week because of projectile vomiting and diarhea (he was only 15 weeks). But I don't think I've had an unplanned day off with him in two years now.

OK so I was lucky - he managed to fit in chicken pox and an adenoids/grommits op during my maternity leave. DD started nursery last week - but I think she has been exposed to a lot of the germs already via DS - ie she's not yet 6 months and has had several colds and chicken pox already so hopefully we should have it easier this time.

But remember that it will get easier.

The problem I have is that I have 2 babies and at the moment, when one is ill, the other is fine. Oh, well, who said that motherhood would be easy?

I just say I'm sick and avoid all the discussion. Dishonest I know, but that's life!!!!

Me too. Me and DH say we are sick every second time. Avoid all problems. Remember to share with your partner!