Struggling to flourish

[Juggling1ife]

I’m interested in others views on this:
It has occurred to me recently that many women that I admire and who have been fantastically successful in their careers are strong, decisive, ethical and outspoken women.
I wondered how much of their success is due to these traits, and how much is down to luck about the people they have worked with - people who respect these traits and are not threatened by them, people who celebrate in others success, rather than trying to ‘keep others in their place’.
I ask this because people have described me in similar terms- strong, capable, fair, intelligent, outspoken and prepared to stick up for what is right. But I have experienced a disproportionate number of people, both male and female who have gone out of their way to make things very unpleasant for me. I know many other wonderful women who have had similar horrible stories at their places of work and have either been broken by them, or found the courage to stride out on their own and forge their own success in the world independent of a corporate/ business world.
There is the tedious and outdated saying that ‘behind every successful man is an exhausted woman’ - I wonder if a more modern equivalent is ‘For every successful woman, there are several who have been beaten down by threatened and spiteful colleagues’
I’m interested if this thought/ experience resonates with any other women out there?

I don't recognise those traits as something we value in our company. We want team focused people (ie team before self) - at all levels, hard workers, open minded to ideas and innovations. I don't get strong, outspoken and decisive as traits we value highly - we'd go for softer versions and we have a male dominated team - but none would be described in any way as alpha - it's just not us! I might have misinterpreted this but your traits come across as aggressive and self orientated and we do not want that in our organisation.

I thought it was just me that had had bad experiences. I'm confident, strong and decisive and it's brought me nothing but trouble. Ended up working for two horrible bosses who both felt threatened by me and the last one put me on furlough and then made me redundant when the original furlough scheme was due to end, as I was not a 'yes (wo)man'.

I've come to the conclusion that I must be doing something wrong and must have 'missed the memo' as to how to keep bosses sweet but I suspect that my personality is just not cut out for corporate life. I think i'd be great working for myself but unfortunately my choice of profession, which in itself I do enjoy, does not really lend itself to self employment.

I've resolved to just keep my head down and mouth shut in my next job. I end up with more money that way.

Thank you for your thoughts- that is really helpful. I wouldn’t have said I was self orientated or lack team spirit- I work in a school and got on really well in my previous school for exactly those reasons- working well with others, loyalty to the team, supportive -but I feel like square peg in a round hole at this new one. People undermine each other and that is welcomed and acted on by senior management- for me it has been a very unhappy place. I have spoken up to defend others and found myself in trouble too. 🙁

You need to move jobs if you can, you are working in a toxic work environment. Really sad that this is a school but not surprised having witnessed teacher behaviour as a parent over the years, feedback for schools is never welcome unless it’s positive.

The only people I know who are currently being bullied are men working for a woman. Would describe her as talented, driven, strong, with high expectations, she does a great job but her behaviour is appalling, I can only think they must be paid way above market rates because I have no idea why they haven't moved jobs yet or why they took the job in the first place as her bad behaviour is no secret.
I used to work for a woman who used to trash her office when she was annoyed and god help you if it was you she was annoyed with From my limited experience I wouldn't put women in the innocent seat - they are just as likely to behave badly as men.

That sounds like terrible behaviour and it is extraordinary it hasn’t been reported. I agree women and men can both behave very badly to people beneath them, but wondered if capable women somehow provoke more antagonism and experience more unjustified negative behaviour towards them. Maybe- as you say- it is the toxic work environment I’m in that is tainting my view.
It can be difficult to find other jobs at an equivalent level in the same area- I am looking though!!

I think your work environment sounds like my toxic family and like my toxic family, I had to recognise that I couldn't fix their unpleasant ways by altering my behaviour and I have tried for years - the only solution is to walk away. My dc's school have just retired one of their most unpleasantly shitty teachers who held a leadership position - she was so unbelievably rude to parents and pupils alike, very poor behaviour to demonstrate in front of impressionable young adults in a professional setting - it would be a big surprise if she wasn't hell to work with too.