"How to build rapport on video calls"

[yeOldeTrout]

Advice Link came up on my Twitter feed.

Just wondering how others feed about these tips & ways of running telecons. My first reactions are:

Looking at eyes on screen or into camera
-tbh, I usually look at neither & just listen. I think I prefer people looking at camera if I do look at them on screen.

Let people see your whole body to communicate with body language
-Non-starter. I want to stay in my PJ bottoms & I work in my son's bedroom for good Internet, don't want to show off son's bed & things.

Lighting... Adjust your lens to eye level

• not possible with room/space I'm working in

go around and each person talks about what they did for the last week....

• Colleagues have said they love this. I despair & hate it!! So much time-wasting. I could handle a quick silly word association game, but "how are you doing" questions -> waffle, argh.

Show your surroundings

• See point about son's bedroom, messy house, don't want to live in the office. Windy & cold outside.

shift your reason for meeting or meet just to connect as human beings

• I am not a fan of unstructured 1-to-1 chitchat "What are you thinking about" catch-up meetings. I had one the other day & rather dread it again. BS that the meeting can produce nothing & just be chat & there's no pressure. ha!

Be proactive about connecting with new hires

• This can be good, but not if it turns into pointless chitchat (see previous)

How do you feel about face to face meetings?

Not being harsh, while being harsh, have you considered that you're not the only person in the conversation in a video call? I get that you have circumstances in your set up and home that mean some of these don't work for you. But equally, for the person who isn't you in the call, where you look does matter. It might be something to keep in mind when you're deciding how to navigate online working.

E.g. I have two laptops. One (mine) has a bottom of bezel camera. It means that everyone I speak to gets a great view up my nose. Didn't make any big difference to me, but isn't very nice for them. So that they get the impression of eye contact, I balance it on a pile of books when I have calls. Take it down when I'm just working. My other laptop (work) has a top of bezel camera so it automatically looks like I'm making eye contact even if I'm just looking at the screen. The point is not whether it makes a difference to me or not (it doesn't, I switch off self view in zoom because it kills my mental health having to look at myself every day), but whether it makes the other person feel that I'm engaged by them.

As for small talk, it's just a way of displaying interest in other people. Do I really care about little Joe's first day back at football? Fuck no. But, do I care that you, little Joe's mum, feel important and interesting? Yes. It doesn't need to be formalised if everyone kind of takes it on themselves to do it organically - forced jollility is the death of fun. But we do need to do it - social lubricant makes getting work done easier.

I genuinely am much more interested in other people's opinions or experiences than my own.

tbf, online meetings (when I'm not chair or key contributor) it's easier to keep sorting out emails during the meeting so net more productive. I consider this double productivity a huge plus.

@Badgertadger - do you look at camera when you're speaking or look at screen? I've decided I prefer looking at camera. It's not real eye contact looking at screen, anyway.

@yeOldeTrout at camera on my bottom bezel machine and at screen on the top of bezel one. That gives other folk the impression of eye contact.

Just in case no-one has ever mentioned it to you, in 121 or small group conversations it's quite obvious if you're reading on screen because your eyes scan. Doesn't matter in bigger groups unless someone pins you.

I had to look up the word bezel...

This thread makes me realise that others in my team are probably using laptops for meetings. I don't have a working laptop camera.

From the few responses so far, do I assume that most people strongly agree with all the points stated in the article I linked to?

Some of them seem fair (making a point to connect with new hires), some can be fine depending on other factors (trying to keep some element of small talk), some either impractical (let people see your whole body - how??) or unfair (not everyone feels comfortable letting you see their home not should they).

The one about meeting just to connect, meeting to catch up on what people did, etc makes me think “oh God no”. I always had lots of meetings but since we started working remotely it’s gone through the roof, everything’s a bloody meeting and I have to block off calendar time just to get any non-meeting work done. I don’t need MORE meetings, use Slack or Teams chat to connect ffs!

Sorry if I've given you the wrong impression.

In your circs I wouldn't share surroundings.

Personally, I wouldn't do forced "what did you do" but I would make an effort to display interest in people's lives in a more organic way.

If I'm doing a big presentation, I sometimes stand and do the body on view thing but it's rare and only for things where I'd normally be on a stage. I also put on full formal clothes for that kind of thing (normally in jeans and a t shirt). I wouldn't do it all the time, but it's handy to have in the arsenal ( good for difficult conversations where you want to create that sense of being in control rather than being in your jammies).

The eye contact stuff I do do.

Definitely do the new start stuff. Can you imagine how shit it is to start somewhere, know no-one and nobody ever get in touch just to say hello or "give me a shout if you need help with..."

I can imagine enjoying a bit of team building, like a 5 minute silly word game, in a big team where we barely know each other.

I started a new job 2 yrs ago & would have much needed frequent chats, but only in a structured way. Very recently I've got a new senior colleague who is definitely trying to get to know me & I feel under scrutiny to perform or produce, not so much supported by our chat meetings, so far. I like people to listen to my ideas, but I hate me being centre of anyone's attention.

Wow I go out of my way to ensure my lighting is ok and camera is positioned ok. If I am doing a proper presentation I will not use a fake background but will move temporarily to another room so I can back up against a wall. Makes for a much better view for the audience.

The presentation on videos is as much about how your present yourself as what you say. I'd not bother with camera if I couldn't be bothered to make an effort.

I interview on video call. If candidates made as little effort as your describe it would tell me a lot about their ability to do the job in discussion

I interview on video call. If candidates made as little effort as your describe it would tell me a lot about their ability to do the job in discussion

But everyone’s in such different circumstances. Not everyone CAN have good lighting, well-positioned camera, professional looking (but real) background.

I’d be very if I was interviewing someone in pyjamas, but I would not automatically put it down to ‘lack of effort’ if their camera was positioned awkwardly

We definitely make a point to connect with new hires and will do 1-1's with them (via video or face to face) so they are properly introduced to the team and yes some of that will be "pointless" chit chat - which I don't see as pointless.

We also make a point of the meaningless chit chat or banter, usually someone will tell a funny story or a bit of light ribbing - occasionally the dogs sat Hi! No one is forced to speak at the chit chat stage but they will be asked for an update on their tasks and it's bloody rude for people not to listen - it's important we all know what everyone is doing - it could affect someone else - we work very closely as a team - if someone is struggling with their workload - they will be offered help either advice on what to focus on or someone will assist them.

I see no need for full body on show and lighting just needs to show your face, or no need to see surroundings. One of our team had a camera on one screen but was looking at another screen - the client really hated it - even when they knew he was actually paying attention and was fully engaged in the conversation looking at people's images on another screen. So I think the camera location for eye contact is pretty important.

Non-starter. I want to stay in my PJ bottoms & I work in my son's bedroom for good Internet, don't want to show off son's bed & things.

It's not really a 'non-starter' - it just doesn't fit with your personal preference. I always get fully dressed to WFH even if I then put a dressing-gown on over my clothes because it's cold, so that's good advice as far as I'm concerned.

You can blur the background in Teams (and I presume other conferencing apps) - although I doubt your colleagues would think anything of seeing a bed in the background these days. Assuming your son has a duvet, it would only take seconds to make the bed so it's neat.

So it sounds like many people quite like lots of chitchat and view 100% attention to chat as minimum courtesy. It dawns on me why our chatty meetings have a lot of late arrivals...

not many replies here about the eye contact thing, look at camera or look at screen... As a viewer, I think I want someone else talking to look into camera.

So... do lots of people like unstructured regular catch-ups with their new senior colleagues, maybe(?) It occurs to me that I don't mind chat with senior colleagues I know well, but I don't understand what we're doing in the chat when it's new senior colleagues. Does that distinction (new vs. old senior colleagues) not matter to others?

Does anyone else find blurring or artificial backgrounds very distracting? I find my head wobbles in and out of focus/view. Is there a way (on TEAMS or Zoom) to adjust the background effect to only start at so many cm away?

@luxurychocolate, would you insist on good lighting for a project planning meeting if your organisation had not provided any sort of webcam device for an existing employee? Would you view bad lighting or lack of any webcam as evidence of bad attitude in that situation?

nb: I was asking about meetings not interviews.

How would very dusty half broken disorganised Lego sets be perceived on a telecon?

I think it's nicer when the person I'm talking to looks at the camera intermittently to give the effect of natural eye contact (so not staring at the camera without blinking the whole time!).

Small group or one-to-one chitchat can be ok, but larger groups (more than 5 maybe?) It is really difficult and usually ends up needing somebody to direct it a bit otherwise it just ends up as a few people chatting and everyone else watching.

Not sure I'd care about Lego in the background.

Unstructured catch-ups... I suppose it depends on whether you do any work with the person, in which case you can plan your own structure of how to use the time even if there's no formal agenda.

I like having regular catch-ups with the people I work most with, as it helps to stay connected and is easier to plan things and find a sense of stability/continuity compared to if your only contact is sporadic calls and emails with queries or specific work aspects.

But you need to get the frequency right so it's not a chore and enough happens in between each catch-up that you actually have things to discuss!

I only really find the backgrounds distracting if the person moves around so much that their limbs or head keep disappearing and reappearing.

On new vs old senior colleagues, I guess that depends on the roles/structures in your organisation and how you work with these people. Is the purpose relationship building or checking in on work or assisting with some kind of induction plan?

It depends on ... how you work with these people

Good point. Answer = Dunno (re new senior colleague, NSC). That might be the huge problem with our unstructured chat. Basically no one knows what I should do for their team.

It will be interesting what happens when NSC introduces me to full team in meeting scheduled July. fwiw, except NSC, they all seem far more introverted than I am. Maybe I'll try to out-introvert them.

That might be the huge problem with our unstructured chat. Basically no one knows what I should do for their team. Maybe that is what you need to talk about.

No idea what a NSC or if it has a bearing, funny how people use acronyms without considering their audience - it's a bug bear of mine - they frequently appear on CVs with no explanation.