Advice on choosing between 2 job offers

[Anca123456]

Dear mums,

I am returning to work after taking a 3 years break to take care of my daughter and I've got job offers from 2 very different companies. One is from an online fashion retailer, 4 days a week (I've asked for part-time), very flexible, great company culture, possibility to work from home, trainings to get to speed with the latest technologies (I am a software developer), the other one is from a bank, full-time, small team and lots of money.

I am very thorn between the 2 ... I always wanted to work for a financial institution and they are paying so well but I am afraid I won't have time for my daughter. At the other company I will have an extra day to take her to museum and do stuff together. She will start school next year so I don't have much time left. They are both great companies and if it wasn't for the return to work programmes I wouldn't have passed the technical interviews ... such great opportunities. I feel like I owe more to my daughter ... even though I've already spend 3 years at home with her. She is a very demanding, high emotional and moody, not very easy to be around. Sometimes I am thinking I've already done so much and maybe she is not worth it.

Anyone has been in a similar situation? How to you manage nursery/schools run when you have a demanding job. What do you do when the child is sick and you have to take time off without prior notice.

Try thinking about how you will feel in a year's time. Which job would you prefer to have? The time will go very quickly so don't just make your decision on the here and now, factor in the future too. Would you prefer to take the financial job and enjoy the time with your daughter at the weekend instead? Congratulations on your job offers and your return to work .

For the school run, does your daughter's potential school have breakfast clubs and after school clubs? For nursery, it was always a rush but you do manage. Can you share drop offs and pick ups with your partner (if you have one)? If you are both working, don't let the burden fall on you alone. We have used working from home for when the kids are sick. They have far too much TV time, but it works. Would the financial institution be flexible with this? There's a lot to think about, you will know what works best for you.

Can you list the pros and cons for each company?
More money is great but that's the only positive you mention about the financial company. Do they have flexibility (hours / wfh) for example.
Do you have a DH / DP who can share nursery runs, sick days etc?

It's stressful but make sure your nursery hours cover your commute.
The amount of times I have been willing the M5 to move quicker to get back for nursery pickup (and that's with a generous time buffer involved).
I work full time and also study and I often really wish I had one extra day to spend with my boys. I miss them a lot and yes I would earn less but my nursery fees would be less. Also once they are at school I would have just one day to do something for me.
Although more money may be tempting I would say time is more precious to be honest. I'm early 30's and it's burning me out tbh!

@HappyWinter Thank you! You are right, I have to think longer term as well ... and I would prefer the financial company, it offers better opportunities long term. And with a small child you don't want to change jobs often.

@Taswama They said they are very flexible in terms of working hours but I will clarify this before accepting the offer. I will make sure they agree on the exact starting and finishing time.

@Pinetreesfall Commute is so stressful! Mine is not that bad just that I have to take a train and there are often delays.

I am at the final stages of the negotiations with the financial company and I will ask 1 day a week to work from home.
My partner can help with the nursery runs, he will try to drop her off and I will pick her up. She won't like this but we will have to find a way for it to work.

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts! You've raised very used points!

I would say rather than agreeing exact start and finish times, I would agree a minimum of one day wfh and flexibility to manage your own hours. As your dc grows up you don't want to have to renegotiate start and finish times as her needs change, or train timetables change.

Curious which one did you go for?

I think the retail one sounds much better. I went to work for a big bank and although I learnt a lot it was very unstable, I went through redundancy 2 (nearly 3) times in a short time.

@Justanticipating I decided to accept the job offer from the bank.

I managed to talk with some people that work for those companies and the retail company wasn't for me, people there come and go and the communication with the management is not great. I don't see myself working there long term.

The bank agreed to flexible working hours and will allow me to work from home 1 day a week. All the people I've talked to were happy with the company, they've been with the company for a couple of years already and all said it's family friendly. If will be hard as I don't know anything about the the business and I am not familiar with the technologies they are using but it's a great opportunity ... I just couldn't let it slip.

I will start in July and I am already preparing my daughter, her dad will take her to nursery and I will pick her up. I still don't know how I will manage to do that ... but I will make it work somehow :)

Thank you everyone for all your support, you've been so helpful!

[quote Anca123456]@Justanticipating I decided to accept the job offer from the bank.

I managed to talk with some people that work for those companies and the retail company wasn't for me, people there come and go and the communication with the management is not great. I don't see myself working there long term.

The bank agreed to flexible working hours and will allow me to work from home 1 day a week. All the people I've talked to were happy with the company, they've been with the company for a couple of years already and all said it's family friendly. If will be hard as I don't know anything about the the business and I am not familiar with the technologies they are using but it's a great opportunity ... I just couldn't let it slip.

I will start in July and I am already preparing my daughter, her dad will take her to nursery and I will pick her up. I still don't know how I will manage to do that ... but I will make it work somehow :)

Thank you everyone for all your support, you've been so helpful![/quote]
That's fab they've agreed, it's a good job you asked.
Good luck, I've heard 1 or 2 banks are good to work for and if its stable then there's tons of of opportunities. Sounds like you've made the right choice.
Hopefully nursery will be flexible with your pick up times, I'm sure it'll work out. Good luck and I hope you enjoy it!

I've come across this thread @Anca123456 and I'd love to hear how things have worked out for you. Currently considering two roles including one at a bank and would be great to hear your experience.

@yoshiblue Happy to share my experience, I am still at the bank.

Good: flexible working hours, lot's of learning opportunities (knowledge you don't get to apply but you have access to all sorts of courses), people on the same level as me are very nice, my manager is very understanding when it comes to days off/school holidays/sick child (his manager is not), as long as I do my tasks before the deadline nobody cares when I do them (sometimes I cook, do shopping during the day and work in the evening)

Bad: things move very very slow, management is not supportive at all, they only care about their OKRs/goals, you have be a pleaser if you want to get their support, getting promoted is very very hard and nobody is supporting you as the process is long and difficult, they say they care but they don't, they will listen but still do what they want even when you are the expert

The only reason I am there is for the flexibility (I just tell them I have to get my child from school and leave, or that I am taking her to the doctor, I have no problem leaving in the middle of a meeting because I have to run to school) and learning opportunities. Only recently I've been asked to go to office twice a week. And the people in my team are generally nice, we work well together and we could do great things if the management would listen to us.

Looking back I would still take this job, no regrets, BUT I would have asked to be put on a different band. They've hired me as a junior because I was returning to work after a long break and it's very hard to get promoted, you need a few years and your line manager must go above and beyond to support you in the process (and he has no interest in doing that, more work for him). I don't care about this title/bands but everyone else does ... you can't speak to a MD if you are a junior for example (you can try but they will simply ignore you).

Good luck with your decision!

Thanks for sharing your experience @Anca123456 , I'm really surprised you're struggling to progress as a software engineer (I also work in tech)

Good to hear about the overall flexibility, I used to work in FS several years ago and even pre covid it was really good for that.

I have a good suggestion of an alternative large organisation you may want to look at for career progression. They are crying out for software engineers and are especially targeting the recruitment of female engineers, very flexible for working patterns. Let me know if you're interested and I can DM you. PS I'm not on commission, just wanted to help!