Reassurance needed for first day back at work.

[lilly72]

I am returning to work after being out for over a year. My 13 month old daughter is going to nursery whilst I am at work..three mornings a week..she isnt too keen on nursery but we are hoping she will settle in. I on the other hand am unable to think of anything else and am very tearful at the prospect of my daughter being left at nursery, infact I am loosing sleep, cannot concentrate on anything and am crying at the meer mention of her going to nursery. My biggest fear is that she will be crying for the four hours I am gone and will not settle. She has not been looked after by anyone else, only me in the whole 13 months..grandparents all live away and friends all at work full time so she is a bit of a mummy and daddies girl. I want her to mix with other children and to be confident with other people, also financially returning to work is a must.
Please resond with lots of reassurance otherwise I may cave in and not turn up Monday morning..

my 15m ds loves nursery - the carers are great, he does loads of different activities, gets to run round a huge garden (we have a postage stamp sized one), plays with lots of other kids...

she might not be too keen at first, but it is highly likely she will settle in well, and get to like the novelty of it all. always remember, in the unlikely event it doesn't work out, there are other options (e.g. childminder), so there will be a contingency plan.

the parenting books i have read seem to say that you should say goodbye firmly with a smile and walk out confidently, otherwise the child picks up on the stress. easier said than done, i know, but if it is at all possible try to sound positive and enthusiastic about nursery to your dd.

it is a real wrench when you go back to work and have to leave your precious child with other carers. after a while, you will no doubt build up confidence in the nursery which will make it easier, when you see that your dd is happy and well cared for.

going back to work is a real strain. i found it quite nerve wracking and very tiring at first but this has got much better now.

please give yourself a chance to adjust to it all - it's a big change. working three mornings a week will still give you a lot of time with your dd.

hope everything works out well for you. best of luck!

My ds loves nursery too, he has some many toys there to play with, and loads of little friends aswell

Until recently I often went in at lunchtimes to feed him and so I've seen what the other children are like after their parents have been gone for a little while - all the children that cry inconsolably at their parent's departure in the morning are settled playing happily at lunchtime (most do this within a few minutes of the parents leaving)- though I've also seen them kick up a fuss at dear parent's return in the evening - perhaps part of the power struggle thing, or a telling off....

These parents have not always believed the staff when they've been told this, but coming from another Mum (no axe to grind) seams to help.

A few mornings appart each week will give you both some space to grow and I've found it makes the time back together even more precious (if that's possible).Give it a couple of weeks and then if you're still concerned talk to some of the other Mum's - they may have seen a whole different side of your childs experience

I'd second the good advice you have already been given, Lilly72. A good nursery can be a great environment for a young child, especially once they turn one and start to appreciate the opportunities for active play and group fun that the right sort of nursery offers. Ds has been at the same excellent nursery full-time since he was 10 months and really loves it there.
I too, really did not want to leave him, and was convinced he would be miserable. I also had no financial choice. But he did settle quickly, within days, and what helped him to do so IMO was dh dropping him off and me picking him up. Is that an option for you? If not, leaving with a smile but firmly will help, however sad you feel inside. Not easy I know. Talk to dd's keyworker there if you have even the tiniest doubt about how dd is settling.
Good luck for your return.

lilly72 - I agree with everyone else's advice. I returned to work last week and was very apprehensive about doing so. When I returned after having ds his first day at nursery was my first day back at work so I know how you must be feeling today (our families to live away). This time I settled my dd in a few weeks before I went back and so my first day felt alot easier on me. I still raced to pick them both up as soon as I had finished work though. Couldn't wait for a cuddle. They are adjusting well to me going back to work (shifts - so dh is with them in the evenings that I work). In a few weeks your dd will have settled and you to at work I am sure and you'll be able to strike a balance.It does get easier emotionally for you - so don't beat yourself up about it all. My two love nursery now. As soon as I say coats and shoes on let go to nursery my ds is jumping with excitement.It won't take her long lilly72.

lilly72, I agree with all the positive comments re: nurseries. I've just dropped my 27 mth old off at the nursery (she's been there since 7 mths) and ended up staying for half an hour because someone had phoned in sick & others were on their way in early..I helped with breakfast and the few children who did grizzle a little were certainly not unhappy by the time I left. sometimes my dd will make her little protest if she's tired, but then she comes to the window to wave byebye and it's all smiles again
if she's anything like my dd she'll blossom into a confident little girl

Thanks for all your advice it certainly did reassure me...however there were lots of tears from me on Monday morning. My daughter actually seemed ok..it was me that lost it!! The second time I went she seemed much better and she cried a little but I was able to walk away without feeling absolutley horrendous! The only thing is that she has caught a horrible cold which has kept her up for three nights, so on top of returning to work , my usually sound sleeper has had disturbed nights...We are all exhausted and she seems a little clingier. All in all though it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be..I hope it continues that way. Thanks again.

lilly72 - unfortunately they do pick up everything going during their first month at nursery - but that too gets better (honestly). Glad to hear it wasn't as bad as you thought it might be - hope it continues for you and you get some undisturbed nights again soon.