I feel my Boss thinks I am making up how bad my hearing loss affects my life.

[Momoftwoscallywags]

Some background, I have been deaf in my right ear since I had mumps as a child of 8. I rely heavily on lip reading in noisy situations but most people would never know I am hard of hearing unless I tell them.
In any job I have had, I have I always told new colleagues about my deafness as I can be seen to be ignorant when I don't hear them, which happens often in noisy situations. Nearly everyone gets it after they have worked with me for a while. They understand that they MUST get my attention before speaking to me so they don't have to repeat themselves.
Obviously I also can't hear my colleagues when I am on the phone because if I am listening to a conversation with the only ear that works I cannot hear what a colleague is saying to me if they attempt to speak to me whilst I am on the phone.

So, image this is you and you are on the phone mid flow, discussing next steps after explaining a procedure to a customer, when suddenly your boss appears and starts talking to you. I am shaking my head at her to indicate I can't hear her as I can see from her body language that something is wrong and hold up my hand to say hold on. She leaves, much to my bewilderment, and then comes back again, says something else but then disappears before I have time to square things on the phone with my customer so I can talk to her.
My boss soon made me aware that I was telling the customer the wrong thing (note: I was following a procedure that another department had told me so I thought it was right) by hauling me into her office and asking me to explain what was going on. By the end of the session I was near tears and she finished off by stomping around asking my colleagues how they did it, them came and told me I was the only person who was doing it wrong in the office.

I asked her today if we could discuss it again as I felt she had acted very unprofessional and rude. Well, apparently, I disrespected her by holding up my hand ( she mentioned this several times), apparently you don't do this to your manager who is just trying to help you! When I said I was just using the gesture to say hold on, as I couldn't hear her she just rolled her eyes and said I could hear her and I was in fact brushing her off. At this point I stood up and called her out on her delusion and, quite angrily for me, told her that I didn't wish to continue with a conversation with someone who thinks I am using my hearing loss as an excuse to get things wrong. I told her that she should not tell me how to think and feel and she should remember that this discussion was not about if she was right about the process but about how she made me feel while trying to make sure I get it right next time.

We eventually sorted out our differences and she apologised for the way she made me feel and we agreed next steps for the future if this situation ever happens again.

BUT she didn't apologise for her eye rolling over my hearing, and I am not sure if I want to take this further so I am asking you, what would you do?

Honestly, if she apologised in the end & you left it on ok terms then I would leave it there. Yes she handled it badly but people make mistakes. I would give her another chance to understand your hearing issue & if she did it again then take it further.

Your hearing loss has a substantial and long term adverse affect on your day-to-day life.

This means it qualifies as a disability under the Equality Act (2010).

I would be sending an extremely formal email to my manager stating this, asking for a meeting (with an HR rep present) to formally discuss putting in place Reasonable Adjustments; plus I’d also be outlining the part of the Act where it is illegal to be subjected to harassment due to your disability.

Guarantee HR will be shitting themselves within 0.1seconds of receiving the email.

rnid.org.uk/information-and-support/your-rights/your-rights-at-work/

You have my sympathy op. I found that until I got my hearing aids nothing changed. Because they thought I was making it up I guess or not helping myself.
I have the same issue whilst on the phone with my husband. Causes no end of rows. You really can't hear what they're saying and when they talk it's distracting so you end up hearing no one!

Why didn't you just say 'excuse me for a second' and listen to what your boss was saying though? I ask as someone who is also hearing impaired.

Yes, you could go to HR... But then you still have to work with the manager.

You could argue the whole eye rolling element, but tbh that's a really difficult one, as managing gestures is difficult. She apologised.

I actually think that the onus in these situations, where she was trying to sort out an error, is for you to quite literally pause the call and speak with her. It sounds as though it was obvious that there was an issue! You effectively, brushed her off and it sounds as though appeared rude. So really no different to how you feel she's been.
Perhaps a sign on your desk, mentioning your deafness and that if on the phone you cannot hear, so please write a note of you need to share information with you is an option?

Sounds like OP has already made her boss aware of her hearing loss. I’m not sure she needs to put a sign on her desk

Is a hearing aid not an option for you OP? I have hearing loss myself and found a lot of work situations difficult before I got my aids. I know they don’t work for all types of hearing loss though.

It sounds like a miscommunication, she could have made signals (shaking head) or written a note to let you know you were giving the wrong information.

However, it does sound like you heed to have a proper chat about your hearing loss and reasonable adjustments.

Some disablist tones in the replies .
Your workplace needs to make reasonable adjustments op, and your manager is in serious need of equality training.
You have my sympathies, I once had a manager who asked if I would be on my crutches next week ( mobility & chronic pain problems) & seemed honestly nonplussed that I didn't plan out when my pain crisies would hit. Cretan

As someone with hearing loss it really frustrates me that the response is "get hearing aids". Like that's a cure. Its not a one size fix all.

Look up the social model of disability - its society that needs to change. Don't tell US to fix it.

OP, I took my previous employer to a tribunal and won a large payment, due to harassment on account of my disability.

Join a union if you are not already in one and get their help.

Also email HR and ask for reasonable adjustments and state that you feel harassed on account of your hearing impairment.

Hi all, thanks for the comments, as when you are this close to an issue you can't see the wood for the trees sometimes.
Unfortunately standard hearing aids don't work for me as my hearing loss is due to nerve damage. I have looked at having a BAHA fitted but as this involves surgery, the jury is still out on that one!
I am not going to get HR involved as I did feel I didn't make enough allowances for my manager regarding my hearing whilst I was on the phone. I am usually pretty good at this, it is second nature for me to pause and apologise to colleagues in these types of situations as it does reduce their levels of frustration they feel towards me because I haven't heard them, and makes my life less confrontational.
Not sure why I didn't do this time? Was it because it happened so fast?, I don't like confrontations? My bewilderment froze my brain? Not sure.
But thank you anyway for all your replys, they have helped me put things in perspective.

As someone with hearing loss it really frustrates me that the response is "get hearing aids". Like that's a cure. Its not a one size fix all

I don’t think anyone said that did they? I asked if they were an option and noted that I know they aren’t for all types of hearing loss. I have hearing loss too. Another poster mentioned aids in their own experience. No one told OP to ‘get hearing aids’.

Anyway... glad you’re feeling a bit better about it OP. Though it does sound like this manager isn’t particularly supportive. If there are more instances of her dismissing your hearing loss I’d definitely consider raising it with HR.

Try Access to Work. You might be able to get some training for your organisation, equipment etc.

I also have one sided deafness due to mumps.

I think people often underestimate one sided deafness because in individual situations where there isn’t background noise it isn’t at all apparent - people are normally very surprised to find out I am dead.

However, your workplace should be making reasonable adjustments.

On a side note m, and not impacting on the above, I have a CROS aid. It is a wireless hearing aid with one on each side, one is a microphone and the other side a speaker.
I am not very good at remembering to wear mine, I’ve particularly gotten out of the habit during lockdown. The batteries on my cros aid run out very very quickly, but more recent versions are rechargeable.
That said it is brilliant in certain situations - I try to remember to wear it at work, and great for when you’re out to dinner and there’s a conversation on your deaf side.
I got mine as an adult on the NHS - I asked my gp to refer me to the hearing clinic, or they can be got privately.

My daughter has conductive hearing loss and wears a bone conduction aid on a band, as she is too young for surgery. Would that be an option for you? Something like the BHM contact mini or the oticon ponto.