Off sick and dreading going back

[HildegardeCrowe]

I’ve had a lot of sick leave over the past few months due to a serious mental health condition. I’m currently off for just over a month and am due to return in 2 weeks. My employers have been very understanding.

I work closely with one other woman and we’re a great team and support eachother. She hasn’t been in touch to see how I am which is fair enough (although if the situation was reversed I’d definitely be in touch with her). I thought I’d message her a couple of days ago to see how she was and let her know I was getting better and looking forward to coming back. She hasn’t responded and I’m assuming that she’s annoyed with me and can’t bring herself to communicate with me. I’m already nervous about going back but this has made it worse. We share an office and it’s going to be so awkward. I really feel there’s a stigma attached to mental illness and people think I’m weak. Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

your thoughts and thought processes sound very similar to my DD who has adhd and very, very strong rejection sensitive dysphoria as one of the symptoms.

I'm not diagnosing you, just trying to say I think you're over thinking this and maybe projecting your own poor image of yourself and I'm sure everything is fine

In all kindness....i would never message a colleague when they are off sick. They are colleagues who I work well with etc but not close friends.
Your colleague is probably really busy with everything going on in their own life its more than likely not personal to you...

You have just reminded me that an ex colleague messaged me weeks ago and i never replied....i like him but hes not a priority against work kids husband elderly mil brother going through a divorce etc

Its most likely not about you

I was off for a really long time with MH issues. Only one colleague messaged me but honestly it was fine when I went back. I felt like it had been forever and nearly resigned but I’m so glad i didn’t.
Try not to project your own assumptions on your colleague, there could be lots of reasons for not replying, I’m terrible if I don’t reply straight away, I just forget.

I think you're making a big, and most likely inaccurate, assumption about why your colleague hasn't responded. My first guess would have been that they've been advised not to message people when on sick leave and that all messages should be channelled through the manager/HR/whoever your point of contact is. That would be best practice from an occupational health POV. There are so many other reasons I could think of, and not one of them would be that she was personally annoyed at you.

The anticipation of a change is almost always a lot worse than the reality. Do you have strategies that have worked for you in the past, to help manage anxiety about specific situations? If it helps you to make a plan so you feel in control, you could try that. Or you may find it more helpful to try to avoid thinking about work while you focus on continuing to recover through the rest of the time you're signed off.

You say you have understanding employers, so it sounds like you will have their support as you make the transition back into work.

I've been off sick for MH reasons - most of my colleagues didn't know and the ones that did were told (nicely) not to contact me.

I was off sick for a long time and completely understand how you feel about going back. I was incredibly nervous. I spoke to my manager and a few days before I went back popped into the office just to get that awful "walking back in the office" feeling out of the way.a phase return of just a couple of hours a day building up to full days over a couple of weeks. It was successful and they were near as scary as I'ld made it to be my head. It will be OK.

Sorry meant to say I then did a phased return.

Thanks for all your posts. And you’re all correct - I’m making assumptions (which I’m very good at) and should try and focus on getting myself well. I think this is the last time I can be off sick though and if it happens again, it will be a clear indication that I need to resign. I’m hoping that’s not the case though and I can adapt to going back. I’m going to ask for reduced hours, which my employers have said they would consider.