Feeling confused about juggling motherhood and career

[beanstalk]

I am about to return to work, 3 days a week for good pay. Trouble is I don't like the job, and don't want to do it long term - all sorts of reasons why! But we have recently moved and have a large-ish mortgage and the money will give us the lifestyle we want plus more importantly my employer is exceptionally flexible and supportive about my being a new mother.
I have thought long and hard over my maternity leave and really want to retrain as a primary school teacher but this will involve a year out of work, which we can't afford, plus I would be training (and probably working) full time and we just couldn't afford the childcare.
So my dilemma: do I stay with a job I don't like but which gives us security and flexibility, and I spend more time with DD, or do I put my needs first and go for the retraining? I have pretty much already decided to stick with the part time job, but can't help feeling sad that I have to sacrifice my own ambitions. Is it selfish of me to feel this? After all I chose to become a mother! Just looking for others experience really...

Oh beanstalk! If you find the answer to that dilemma please could you let me know.... I'm in that position and have been for years

Bear in mind that teaching is really hard work. Any teachers here will tell you that. DH retrained as a primary teacher years ago and has only taught 2 terms. He found it much much harder than he thought.

Hmm - this is tricky

The flexibility your employer is offering is priceless and you will appreciate it more than you will ever imagine over the next few months and you settle back into work

If you can't afford the re-training then that kind of makes the decision for you?

You aren't necessarily sacrificing your ambitions, more putting them on hold until things are more stable.

OrmIrian - sorry to hear that. Do you feel you made the right choice?
RubySlippers - well yes the decision is kind of made but maybe if you want to make something happen enough then you can? There is the option of student loans etc, but then I am getting us into debt for the sake of my job. I think as OrmIrian points out, teaching is tough anyway and I think that the hard work plus the financial strain wouldn't be fair on DP and DD.
So I know the way to go, but I guess I am just worried about the strain on me of going back to a job that I don't like. Trying very hard to just see it as 'bread and butter' and not get emotionally involved, DD is my priority now, etc etc. God it's tough isn't it?!

ooh I feel your pain. I think what you have to do is be exceptionally kind to yourself. Treat yourself OFTEN and tell yourself this is why you are working (I know that sounds shortsighted but it does work!).

I think you can do some teacher training part time - the year out is the full time course. Would you consider doing it over a number of years?

It is tough! i am a full time WOHM, and it isn't easy at times

try not to feel too negatively about your job

it is good money and part-time, so still 2 days to spend with your DD

it is flexible - worth a lot

it will help you pay your mortgage - Perhaps you can start to save up so you can do the course in a couple of years time, and then have less financial worries

I don't feel that I made a decision beanstalk. I went with the flow. TBH when I first had my DS#1 I didn't really give it a thought. It was only as time went by and we had 2 more DCs that I began to question things. But by then it was too difficult to extricate myself.

When your DCs are at school it might be easier? No childcare to pay. Would that make a difference?

Can you retrain over a few years instead of doing a full time year course?

do a 5 year plan so you feel like you are aiming for something?

I don't like work either (also do 3 days, great employer etc etc) but needs must, we could survive on dh's wage but wouldn't have any 'fun' money

our childcare costs are just the same when the kids are at school (still need a nanny!).

Friend is doing that one year teacher training course and has had to get the kids looked after in after school clubs, picked up by nannies etc. because the days you are at college are still quite long.

Can you do some volunteer work while doing your p/t job? Are there still charities that send people into school to do reading and other activities?

it sounds a bit like you are using the teacher training thing as a bit of a distraction from the real issue (i.e. not liing your job). I'd do what you would have don pre-kids - keep the p/t job but keep an eye out for other opportunities. Just because your employer is flexible doesn;t mean you are bound to them for ever .

If I trained part time I would still need to work part time and so would be out of the house full time, so no different in terms of childcare, iyswim. I have started to think maybe when she starts school it might be easier, yes would still need childcare but may be able to get a childminder to collect her for a couple of hours. And as pointed out, we could start to save, see it as a long term plan.
Thanks for all your kind words, I think RubySlippers you are right, I need to try to focus on the positives of my job. And those 2 days with DD are precious.
Really appreciate hearing from others who understand!

EffiePerine, crossed posts! No I'm not bound to them, but would really struggle to get another job that paid anything like the level I'll be on (my pro-rata fulltime salary is more generous than part-time rates). It certainly wouldn't hurt to look around though, so take your point.
Thanks