Giving up work. To do or not to do.

[micegg]

Just wanted some MN opinions please:

Current job: Reasonable pay for 3 days per week, pension scheme included, 7 weeks annual leave per year and loads of flexibility in terms of hours, taking days off at short notice to take care of DCs.All good. However, the downsides are the travelling (hour from nursery/home) and the stress (quite demanding job).

I have worked for the company for 8 years and studied for a degree with an additonal years training to get the post (I would rather not say what I do as I dont want to be ID in RL). My field is very specialised and it would be difficult to transfer to something else.

I have one DD (aged 2) who goes to nursery 2 days a week and mum looks after her for the other day. She is happy at nursery. DH is currently 10 mins from nursery so if needed urgently we are OK as no family live that near by (mum is 1 hour away). I am due to have another baby in the spring.

My dilemma is this: Whilst on mat leave my company will be moving a further 20 minutes away which will increase my journey to 1 hour and 20 minutes each way. DH office is also moving so he will be about an hour away. With 2 DCs to pay for I will barely be making any money but this will ease when DD goes to school about 18 months after I am due to return to work.

I am considering giving up my job whilst on mat meave with DC2 to look after the children. Given we don't have family nearby and both of us will be so far away from the nursery it seems like the best option. The problem is that if I take more than 2 years out of my field I dont think I would be able to get back into it. As my skills are so specialised this would leave me with the option of taking less skilled jobs which would probably not provide the same level of flexibility, the pay or pension.

There are no companies nearer to where I live that I could work for so thats not an option.

Would you stick with it for the long term benefits of being in a well (ish) paid part time job, the generous annual leave (will be useful in the school holidays), etc or take the view that you are doing whats best for now so jack it in and look for something else later on?

I think if possible you should give it a try after the baby comes. It is so hard to know what to do and not very motivating when all your salary goes on childcare! Thing is that childcare costs will go down as kids get older and if as you say it will be hard to get back into work after a break you might find when kids start school you wish you still had your job!

I resigned from my job after dc2 convinced i wanted to be a sahm but 15 months later was looking for a job! You could try work but tell yourself if its too much / too stressful you can leave.

Can you take 12 months mat leave? That might help you feel better about going back.

Honestly? I'd take the maximum available maternity leave and then go back to the job. Really good jobs are hard to find, and if you are at all career minded (and you sound like you are) it may be worth sticking with a job that really suits you and looking to see if there is anything else in your life you could change if you need to. Could you move closer to your/DH's work? How is it all going to work when you have to do school drop off and pick up? And do you like the job? If not, that does change things!

Can you take max maternity and then some parental leave or a sabbatical. ie. a career break until DD1 is at school. ie. not work when conditions (£ and distance) are bad, but go back when it's easier again?

Do you have childcare options for before & after school? Or will it be just as complicated/worrying then?

Micegg can share my experience with you.

I am on the next phase on from you in that my kids are now 5 an 7 - I had a similar gap, a similar job (in terms of benefits and flexibility) and similar commute to work.

I have kept working and am really glad I have. I see lots of friends who took time out trying to get back into the job market now their second children are ar school and lots are struggling - the majority who have jobs are at a much more junior level than the jobs they left to have children. So less pay (and i am talking half or even less) and less rewarding and interesting work.

The other thing to bear in mind is that your long service with the company will gve you some leverage to negotiate when your children start school and you may need more flexibility - perhaps you could work at home for a day for instance?

You are not due to have a baby until next spring and then could take a full year off?

So that would take you to say April 2009 or thereabout?

Use the time to think about rejigging things - move nursery/house/get childminder to do school or nursery run etc etc

Don't give up your job imo, you have worked there a long time and hopefully could rejig your hours etc to suit.

Use this time to cultivate other mums at the nursery for those times when things fall apart (sickness etc) - and offer favours back to them, as you do 3 days you could have their child one day etc etc

You need a support network imo.

Thanks everyone. Theres some really useful advice in there. I am fortunate that I will be able to afford a year off so that will give me a clearer idea about whether I want to go back. I am going to ask about a career break until DD starts school which would be about another 18 months on top of the years leave. I think they my agree to another year at least.

Puddle - Your comment about you friends trying to get back into the job market really hit home as this is something I fear. I have already changed careers and invested alot of time and money to get where I am. It would be such a shame to end up doing a less skilled job now and I know I would be unhappy. Yes I could negotiate at least one day a week at home which would definately ease things.

oliveoil- re: your comment about cultivating some mums at nursery, funnily enough I am i the proces sof doing this. There is one mum in particular that I always talk to and know she is in the same position so I may have a chat with her.

Thanks again everyone.

Micegg - I'm in a professional and technical career too, and keen to keep in contact with my firm. they have let me have extended leave so I'll be over 2 years off. I was open minded about being a SAHM for good but now DH and I are both keen I go back p/t. I'm glad I kept the door open, and my field is so hard to recruit at the moment that they're (I hope) happy to take me back when the time comes.

Is there any chance of moving house closer to your two jobs while you are on leave? You will still be close enough to meet up with friends from where you live now and it will make the logistics a lot easier when you go back.

G/slippers - I am going to take the 12 months and then approach them about having a career break My compay is in the middle of alot of change so I can only hope this will be an option. It would be great if I could have another 18 months as that woudl be about the time my eldest would be starting school.

Re: moving. I will look into this funnily enough it hadnt crossed my mind. We live just on the outskirts of London and to be honest I wouldnt want to live much further in but we will see. Maybe in a few years I will feel differently.

I had a lovely day at work today - really busy but I enjoyed what I was doing so it would seem a shame to give this up.

Thanks

Hi - it is such a horrible dilemna and one perhaps that doesn't have a simple answer. I have just accepted a temp post after 18 months as SAHM and feel I am making tracks back into the world of work. I am a professional and had previously worked part time in a very flexible part time job, however I wanted to have a go at the SAHM bit and have enjoyed my time BUT I do want a bit of my life back now and wish that I had been able to keep the door slightly ajar to help me back to work. I am now hoping that the temp post will give me valuable current experience and help me find something more permanent.

So, my advice is to to delay making any final decisions until the last moment but perhaps plan as though you will be going back (eventually) and plan for making your life easier e.g moving house and hiring a nanny.

I would go with the others around negotiating an extended maternity leave/career break. Or/in addition maybe negotiate to work 2 days a week until your oldest is at full time school? Or 2 days in office, one day at home?