At what stage can I consider myself stressed?

[alanrickmanspetcat]

Hi everyone,

I'm 6 months pregnant and in a very demanding job.. I'm generally not hormonal though and work in a male dominated environment

I absolutely hate my job but realise that it's well paid and secure - there is no prospect of me leaving the Department, but I can possibly internally transfer

I wake up crying when I dream about work. Every night is a Sunday night to me - right now I'd happily take a bath with my toaster. I cry every day at the thought of it

I've felt this way for nigh on a year and I think I'm finally getting to the stage of needing to put in a transfer request

I do not want to be marked as the pregnant hormonal one though, my husband is supportive but doesn't quite understand

Am I stressed? Or dramatic? Do I just need to get a grip?

When you get to the stage of feeling truly desperate on a Sunday night it's time to look for another job, in my experience.

Your situation is complicated because of your pregnancy. Can you try to stick it out until you go on maternity leave, then either apply for a transfer or look to find another job afterwards?

Or, probably the best thing to do as you are clearly feeling so stressed, with that Sunday night feeling every night, can you get yourself signed off with stress? There's no shame in doing so. Your job shouldn't be making you feel that way.

I am sorry you're so stressed. My only advice would be not to make any big decisions right now.

No, you don't just need to get a grip. Do you need to think about your maternity pay though?

When does your leave start?

I've had a horrendous job and made me very depressed and stressed, it was an awful time never mind being pregnant. As well, I would never go back to anything like it again.

It's just not worth it

Thank you

I've 11 weeks until maternity leave and I'm WFH so I'm able to cry in my own bathroom instead of the work premises.. but I really am just looking for validation here

Everyone has moments with their job but I'm really just at the stage here where I'm thinking: I cannot do this every single day, I cannot live with this dread and fear

It's Civil Service and I'm a civil engineer within a Dept so very secure. I can certainly put in a transfer for a different type of job - I'm just wary of getting labelled as the mad pregnant one

I'm easily the youngest female in my Division and I know my pregnancy was frowned upon

Oh bless you, if you have felt this way for over a year it's not your pregnancy hormones so that validates how shit the job really feels for you. It doesn't and shouldn't be like that, that's not right.

You need to think of a plan for the next 11 weeks before your mat leave starts. Do you have any holiday you can use up now for some restbite?

You could go on mat leave and then apply for a transfer as you are considering your option for work life balance for your new family?

If your job induces such strong feelings in you it’s time to leave - but is it the job or the people you hate

Just to be clear - I really hate my actual job. My work team/line management are brilliant but very laid back. My job involves a lot of personal contact/conflict with builders/site operatives and can involve millions of pounds of money. I'm just over it - I spend my days thinking "I am not paid enough for this shit"

There are other easier jobs at the same grade. More desk bound and soul destroying but I expect less stressful

The issue with time off, however, is that no one will pick up my work in my absence and the idea of even taking a week off fills me with dread. I cannot turn off, I am dreading the thought of maternity leave as I will be coming back to x amounts of piled up work

Life is just too short, isn't it?

Yes, OP, your last sentence is right. You are pregnant and very stressed. It's time to put yourself first. If you are not there it's up to your management to sort out cover, not you. It's their problem.

11 weeks isn't too long. Can you not bring that forward on the basis of having some pregnancy related problems? If I was you I'd try to stick it out for say 8 weeks then start maternity leave early. Then when you return start applying then.

Are you the only one in your department doing your job? When you say your colleagues are laid back, are they supposed to be doing what you are doing but don't or is what you are doing not part of their job spec?

Who will cover for you when on mat leave? My experience (I've been stressed at work too) is that when you are off and there is no alternative, people will find a way to cover for you, even if that intially seems inconceivable now. Very very few people are irreplaceable.

So put yourself first. Your position is complicated by your pregnancy though. Even if you did manage a transfer, I doubt it could be put in place before you go off? Assuming not, I wouldn't make any big decisions now - could you go off on early maternity leave? Even in say 5 weeks time to halve the time you have left? And then apply for a transfer while you are on mat leave, or as soon as you go back?

Well: I haven't had anything more than 2 weeks off since I started and not one iota of work was covered for me

There are 4 of us to cover the entire country - each with our own separate "division" so it's likely that I'll be instructed to leave an out of office with "in emergency ring x"

I was planning on 18 weeks of maternity post baby

I have leave I can use until then - around 37 days - I hate taking time off because I have so much anxiety about emails/what I'm missing, hence the large amount I've accumulated

My comment about my team being laid back was in relation to a comment about the work/people. My workmates are lovely and we generally get on, but by the same token - if I was to say about my unhappiness - they'd pretty much tell me to get on with it

@alanrickmanspetcat Civil service usually has very generous maternity leave conditions - 6 months full pay I thought. Most people I know who have been in a civil service job have taken a year. Why only 18 weeks leave? The whole situation sounds very strange. If you have sole responsibility in an area of the country they can't just not cover it while you're off? Can you speak to HR or a union rep?

(to clarify - when I say "it sounds strange", I don't mean I don't believe you. I mean it sounds like a very isolated part of civil service. In general civil service is considered a good employer for mat leave etc. So perhaps getting advice from a more central point - HR or union might get you a wider view of what is possible for you than whatever the particular culture is in your area)

You hate your job, have no support with work building up behind you causing stress and anxiety, you will make yourself ill carrying on like that.

Why aren't you taking advantage of the full maternity package? They need to replace you with a fixed term contract person whilst you are on mat leave and your team mates should be picking up your work whilst you take leave.

Can you raise your concerns with your line manager?

I felt like this around 6 months pregnant. I took a week off to try and calm myself down a bit and told myself I didn't have long left until maternity leave. Carried it on until then and gradually gave more work to my maternity leave cover and took more of the stress off me. I ended up taking 15 months maternity leave and was adamant I was never going back and handed my notice in. I was then offered another department for 2 days a week which was perfect so have gone back and I am so glad I did. Perhaps work out a transfer to another department for after your maternity leave?

If I was you.... go off sick and to appointments etc... even say you are going to the doctors because your blood pressure is rly high due to stress (say this to HR if you have to in a casual way).... basically start ducking out ready for mat leave.
The work will naturally start being delegated elsewhere as they'll be like "screw it she is going soon". You are just a number and its important to remember that before you put a toaster in your bath - more important things than being treated poorly by management.
Then when you get back / discuss with HR tell them your thoughts about returning.
Or come back on a part time basis until a job comes up internally.