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Original poster

Another snarky comment...

47 replies

Deedyn · 19/04/2021 18:18

I’m so fed up with our Office Manager. I’ve previously posted about her making a snarky comment in one of our Team meetings and it’s happened again.
She is only sarcastic towards me. I’ve told my husband tonight and he’s said I must contact the Union. Do I have to give her name? What happens, what will they do?
It’s making me so anxious and upset, any advice anyone please?

OP posts:

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 19/04/2021 19:14

You'd need specific examples, not the vague things you said here. Write them down as she says them in meetings.

Harrythewho · 19/04/2021 19:16

What are the comments though? Do you need perspective on whether you are being a bit touchy or her comments are out of line?

user1636853246842157 · 19/04/2021 19:22

Union would only at most support you as you went through your employer's grievance process. They don't have powers to leap in and do anything.

Miseryl · 19/04/2021 19:26

Just speak to her about it first of all.

custardbear · 19/04/2021 19:26

She's bullying you then? Write down dates, times and those at the meetings. Can you record them too perhap? Even if it's just on your phone?

user1636853246842157 · 19/04/2021 19:32

By your own admission you do not like this person.

Going to your union because of two mild comments - at least one of which sounds like a simple mismatch in personality - by someone you don't like is pretty extreme.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/4198468-Dealing-with-sarky-Manager

Nohomemadecandles · 19/04/2021 19:35

There's too much we don't know. How often? For what period of time? What is she actually saying? Is she saying the same things to other people? Is it performance related? How long have you been there? How big's the team? Is it public sector?

It's clearly upsetting you but if you start any kind of formal action, you have to be prepared to work with that person moving forwards. She's unlikely to get sacked for a few sarky comments. And you're unlikely to get a payout if it is a few sarky comments.
As per PP, unions will help you prepare for HR meetings etc. They can't "do" anything. They aren't always able to get involved in this kind of thing uf they're dealing with bigger issues.

In 20 years of recruitment, I've dealt with hundreds of people who left jobs because they didn't like a manager. But loads of other people find the same behaviour inoffensive. Sometimes that's life.
But if it IS bullying, and use that term wisely, you're going to have to face it or leave.

Nohomemadecandles · 19/04/2021 19:40

[quote user1636853246842157]By your own admission you do not like this person.

Going to your union because of two mild comments - at least one of which sounds like a simple mismatch in personality - by someone you don't like is pretty extreme.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/4198468-Dealing-with-sarky-Manager[/quote]
If that comment is all she's said, I think you might need to look at some resilience. That isn't formal action worthy

CombatBarbie · 19/04/2021 19:41

Can you give one example so we can understand if you are being bullied or maybe being precious.

CombatBarbie · 19/04/2021 19:45

If you can't tell us then an email outlining her comments and how they make you feel is documented evidence should she continue.

FinallyHere · 19/04/2021 19:53

How confident are you?

In the first instance, I would ask her for some time to talk over something. In that private meeting between the two of you , I would do the shit sandwich approach, start by saying something nice, if you can think of anything you could thank her for a agreeing to meet with you.

Then, the meat in the sandwich, you have noticed a couple of comments (make sure you have a written record of the sayings that you can give her) and wondered whether there might be something that you (you, not the manager) need to address for the sake of good working relationships.

Let her say what she needs to say. Or agree to break off and get back again soon

Finish up with some more flannel and thank her again.

If there is a problem, this is what she as line manager should be doing, not making sarky comments. You doing it might remind her of that and open the opportunity to sort whatever it is out. Or remind her that she needs to be a better manager. Or discover that she just has a different sense of humour inappropriate

It takes something to have these kind of conversations. If you can manage to do so without showing in your time of voice or facial expression what you really think, then it can be transformational.

Then, if you don't get anywhere you can reasonably pass it up the chain or to your representatives. Good luck.

Harrythewho · 19/04/2021 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster

Deedyn · 19/04/2021 20:16

@FinallyHere; I’d say I’m generally a confident person.

I think what you’ve suggested sounds like something I could do. It is a good way of getting a conversation started and an opportunity for me to say what I need to say in a non confrontational way. Also if there’s something she would like to share, I’d be happy to listen.

You are so right when you say it takes something to have these conversations and it’s more my style than jumping straight in.

I was looking for direction so thank you so much for posting, appreciated.

OP posts:

Iliketeaagain · 19/04/2021 20:17

I would hope that if they did contact the union that they will tell you to follow internal process first.

Step 1 - write down the issues / comments as they happen.

Step 2 - speak to her adult to adult, she may not even have the first clue that she is upsetting you and speaking to her about it might stop the comments. One persons joke is another's offence, and it may be she just thinks it's banter (and won't know if you don't tell her how your feel.

Step 3 - your line manager or their manager. Bring it up I 1:1s, identify what you've tried to do about it yourself and that it's not worked.

If it continues and your manager / their manager doesn't get it sorted, then consider the union for support and look at your company's grievance policy about how to get support that for way.

Going to the union about someone you admit you don't like making comments that no one has told her makes you feel uncomfortable seems like an over reaction as your first step.

Hansper · 19/04/2021 20:32

What was the recent comment?

What was the previous comment?

Giggorata · 19/04/2021 20:33

The definition of workplace bullying lies in how the person being bullied is affected. Ostensibly mild comments may build up into death by a thousand cuts
You should not be made to feel belittled, harassed or an object of ridicule. If you are feeling bad about it, banter or humour is being weaponised.
If other people join in, or laugh, it could be classed as mobbing.
.
You should record everything from now on and build up your evidence.
You could say “what?” or “please don't speak to me like that”, or “I don't find that amusing”at the time, but I don't advise talking about it alone with her, unless it is formally recorded and signed by both of you, as a supervision session.
I would certainly get HR, union or her boss in after you have sufficient evidence.
Remember that bullying can cause stress, which is a workplace injury, and your workplace has a duty to ensure that you have a safe and healthy environment.

Harrythewho · 19/04/2021 20:42

The definition of workplace bullying lies in how the person being bullied is affected I disagree - you can't say you are being bullied just because you don't like what someone is saying - let's not go there. Being can feel upset about comments that are made about their performance and those comments can be evidenced and reasonable - the person affected may not like them - it doesn't mean they are being bullied. They can feel upset by comments that to them are offensive but to others they are not - who would know in this case? Communication is lacking here and that is unfair on the manager as much as the OP.

SausageDogSandwich · 19/04/2021 21:17

Can you give us an example? Bit difficult to advise without knowing the kind of thing she is saying.

What environment is it? Public sector, business?

Where do you sit in the hierarchy in relation to her?

I wouldn't retaliate. I'd actually go grey rock. Pretending you didn't hear something and asking her to repeat it is always good. You need to speak to a manager not a union in the first instance.

ChrissyPlummer · 19/04/2021 22:05

I had a manager a bit like this, only she was sly. I was once talking about something that had happened over the weekend and she sneered and muttered “Get a life” so that I could JUST hear it. I loudly said “Sorry, did you have something to say to me Brenda?” (Changed her name here), she blushed and put her head down. Never did it again though. Nasty woman.

Aprilx · 20/04/2021 03:49

@Hansper

What was the recent comment?

What was the previous comment?

@Hansper

Per the previous thread, the comment where the friend / colleague joined in was “Oh I forgot about you”.

Harrythewho · 20/04/2021 09:41

@Deedyn

I’m so fed up with our Office Manager. I’ve previously posted about her making a snarky comment in one of our Team meetings and it’s happened again. She is only sarcastic towards me. I’ve told my husband tonight and he’s said I must contact the Union. Do I have to give her name? What happens, what will they do? It’s making me so anxious and upset, any advice anyone please?

OP you posted on your own thread a couple of weeks ago that you were having frequent thoughts of taking your own life. I really think you need to see your GP, you need to get some help, it's important.

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2021 09:47

Op, are you maybe reticent to give examples because you’re concerned that you’re being over sensitive and she’s doing nothing wrong?

How are you feeling in general.?

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