I'm feeling v guilty about going back to work and not sure if its the right thing to do

[ChalkyWalky]

My DS is 10 months old and I'm due to go back to work for 2.5 days a week. I thought it was the right thing to do as though I enjoy being at home sometimes I do get bored, so I thought with 2.5 days I'd have the best of both worlds.

I thought I'd put DS in nursery but the settling in period has been really hard and I'm really questioning whether I'm doing the right thing or not as he is going through separation anxiety - this is probably going to sound over the top, but I'm worrying about the long term impact this will have on his attachments......

Has anyone been through a similiar experience, what did you decide to do?

i was in a similar situation to you, iwent back to work 2 days a week when dd was 8 months old, my mum looked after to start with but she found it quite hard so i started her a nursery (she was around 18 months) dropping her off in the mornings was hell! she would just cry and it took her ages to settle in (im talking months) but she did settle in the end. it was so hard and i seriously thought about giving up and not working, then i thought about what that would achieve- nothing. she is still a very shy child so god only knows what she would be like if she didnt have any interaction with other children at all. as for working again, its a bit scary at first, getting back into the way of things but i love going to my work, i dont want this to sound bad but it literally the only time i have away from dd and its great to just be yourself and not "x's mummy" all the time.

I didn't have a choice about not working - see how choice creates anxiety? So mine just muddled through, like me really, and they settled down very quickly and they are just fine now.

That's reassuring to know they've settled, it sounds like it can take time at any age....I think you're right, it is the choice that creates anxiety, as I could stay at home, I feel guilty about going back and wanting to have that timeout (not that I ever thought I'd see going to work as having a break before I was a mom) - just to go back one day a week would be good, but that would be a joke at my work.

I'm probably just over-worrying, but I can't help it, especially when you know that when they're crying, it's for you. Roll on the day he's clambering into his buggy 'cause he wants to go to nursery

DS started nursery at 4.5 months, and moved to a new one at 16 months (we moved area), and both times settled very quickly. I'm not saying he doesn't have days when he'd like me to stay, but usually a glimpse of the toys stops the crying straight away. Most days he runs off down the room to see his friends with no backwards glance at me.
He is very strongly attached to me, and is very loving and social, so I don't think its done him any harm.

2.5 days a week is great, its a perfect balance between spending time with your DC and getting a bit of your own time.

Your DS will be fine, its probably too late for you but my top tip is to spend a long time on the settling in period with CM or nursery, building it up very gradually so it isn't such a wrench for either of you when the big day comes.

Give work a go, if you hate it, or you feel your DS isn't enjoying nursery, then plan a rethink, but you don't know if it will work unless you try it.

I wanted a longer settling in period, the nursery usually does one week, but I wanted at least a month, if not longer. Even though it's a really expensive nursery who advertise their open door policy, they were funny about having an extended settling in period when it came down to organising it.

I managed to negotiate 2.5 weeks, after a week DS came down with suspected chicken pox (turns out it isn't)which is a real shame as all that hard work for both of us has gone out the window and we're back at square one, I'm taking him in again tomorrow....

My friend has made friends with another Mother from their Nursery and they let each other know by email if they've dropped their children off after the other one, that they could see the first child having a good time and happy even though they may initially have been bawling when the Mum left.

On a serious note. Apart from having to work financially, it takes the stress off my husband if things go wrong with his health or if he wasn't around anymore - for whatever reason. It also gives you a different focus and I reckon will give your child some independence as well so don't feel guilty, they (and you) will be just fine.