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No motivation

11 replies

Kadabra · 12/04/2021 11:24

This will probably be a bit of a long one so I apologise in advance. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting apart from maybe to try and get my own thoughts in order and see if what I say resonates with anyone.

Last year, before the pandemic hit, I was made redundant from my job. It was actually a relief as the company had not treated me well and had been trying to manage me out for a year prior to the redundancy. Not through any wrongdoing on my part, but the culture was very ruthless, they were trying to reduce headcount and generally preferred people to leave of their own accord before paying them off. I'd seen it happen to a number of other people. The job itself was high-paying though stressful but I had many years' experience and had built up a lot of knowledge.

When lockdown 1 happened, I just decided to kick back and take a few months off. DH was working and was fully supportive in this. Unfortunately, when I started looking for work again, it didn't go well and I was on the brink of giving up and trying to get something locally outside of my industry to tide me over like a lot of people had to do during the pandemic. By Christmas, the whole saga had left me feeling really low and I was very down, tearful and couldn't motivate myself.

Then amazingly, nearly a year after my redundancy, I got offered another job in my industry. It's in the same field but a different role, well paid, great benefits etc. and the people all seem really nice. It's a lot less stressful and cutthroat than my old company. It was incredibly lucky and I know I am privileged. But here's the thing.

I just can't seem to get myself into gear. I have some (not enough) work to do, but I'm seriously struggling with motivation. While I've been very proactive in seeking out work and I've worked hard on actual tasks, it's been really hard to get myself into the right frame of mind and I end up frittering days away not doing an awful lot. It makes me feel terrible because I have a great opportunity where many other people have still struggled to get work. The thought of being out of work again for a long time is awful and I definitely don't want that.

During lockdown 1 I'd got into a brilliant fitness routine which was really having an impact on my energy and how I felt about myself. Since I started the new job, I've again found it extremely hard to get back into any kind of fitness routine despite WFH and I am putting on weight which makes me unhappy too. The annoying thing is, I know what I need to do, I just can't make myself do it and feel tired and listless much of the time. Obviously, exercise will help but the thought of it just makes me want to cry.

I don't know whether my current state of mind is down to the pandemic generally, the redundancy, the stress from my previous job (it definitely had an impact because I often find myself feeling terrified that my new company will 'suss me out' and I'll get bullied again or sacked) or just lack of proper exercise.

DH knows I am not myself, but it's incredibly hard to articulate WHY I am feeling so lost when I have no reason to. We have money, a roof over our heads, jobs, we are happy together. There's also some guilt there too because he doesn't really like his job but doesn't know what he wants to do instead.

Anyway, I apologise for this epic post, but if anyone else has felt the same way or has some insight, it would be great to hear from you.

OP posts:
orinocosfavoritecake · 12/04/2021 11:29

Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’ve had a tough year, and you’re doing your tired/fed up best.

orinocosfavoritecake · 12/04/2021 11:32

This article might help, if only to reassure you that what you’re going through is not down to your being weak or a bad person. www.theguardian.com/society/2021/feb/05/pandemic-burnout-rise-uk-latest-covid-lockdowns-take-toll

Cowbells · 12/04/2021 11:39

OP, a lot of people are feeling like you right now. I am. Out of nowhere, my motivation level has significantly dropped. We've been in lockdown for so long it has started to affect us.

My plan is to make tiny changes. I don't know what fitness you used to do but look for 5 minute videos of it online. For a week, do a 5 minute vid each day - of yoga or HIIT or weights etc. The next week, up it to 10 minutes a day. The following week, up three of those days to 20 and stick to 10 the rest of the time. If your motivation drops, go back to 5 mins because we can all do anything for 5 mins.

With work, would it help to give yourself a kickstart ritual? E.g. Make a coffee or herbal tea. Go to your workspace, light a candle or open a window or switch on your work lamp (or all three) put on some music that helps you focus if you like and spend 10-15 minutes making a list of what needs doing then prioritising, so you end up with a To Do Today and To Do this week list. Plot the sections into your calendar. Then finish your coffee, turn off the music and promise yourself you will do item one for five minutes. Once you are into it, it's easier to stay with it.

Also, can you create deadlines with colleagues. I do a lot of 'I'll get that to you by midday on Wednesday' etc. No one asked for it by then. I could have said Friday evening. But by imposing deadlines I have a structure to the week and a target to hit. It makes me feel good to get things in by a deadline and also, when you WFH, it's very good to be able to say to partners and DC: I'm busy now. I have a deadline. I'll play with you/shop/help you with that tomorrow/after tea.

I know these tricks don't always work when motivation is really really low. But they can help. Also, it's worth checking that it's not physical. I take Vit D spray, liquid iron, B complex vitamins when run down and also L-Tyrosine at times, which gives me a small headache so I don't take it daily but it aids your dopamine levels which is the get-things-done neurotransmitter.

Moomoolandmoomooland · 12/04/2021 11:47

Being made redundant can really knock your confidence. I had a pretty shit time in my 30s and I put a lot of it down to having kids and PND. But I also got redeployed twice in that time and it did really knock my confidence. Yes I was lucky, I still had a job and was lucky enough to get one that worked around childcare with two small kids. But it did knock my confidence in myself and my abilities because I was being pushed into a role I didn't really enjoy. I didn't really make the connection until I started a new job recently and realised how happy it made me again to do something I enjoy and I am good at!

It's common as well to re-evaluate how you feel about work having been in this situation. You have found something positive outside of your working life. There is nothing wrong with accepting that makes you happier than being in work and focusing on that instead of work. Obviously, you need to work out the finances if that is possible for you.

Kadabra · 12/04/2021 11:51

Thank you both, just seeing people understand has made me a bit teary! I was expecting to get kicked up the arse and told I’m being lazy.

That article is really interesting and I definitely see some parallels. I suppose because neither me nor DH or our families have had COVID, I have been assuming it hasn’t been ‘as bad’ for me as others have had it.

OP posts:
orinocosfavoritecake · 12/04/2021 12:25

It hasn’t been as bad - but it’s still been shit.

Kadabra · 12/04/2021 15:57

Yes, perhaps I have been underestimating the impact.

@Moomoolandmoomooland I actually started volunteering while I was out of work in an area completely different from my work which I’ve discovered that I really enjoy. Sadly, finances won’t really permit me to stop working (and I wouldn’t want to burden DH with being breadwinner either), but I think you’re right, I am questioning work/life balance a bit.

I think while I was relieved at being made redundant, the circumstances did knock me for six somewhat and perhaps I haven’t allowed myself to feel that, IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Kadabra · 15/04/2021 19:46

I have found this week particularly hard for some reason. There was a team meeting at the start of the week and one of the senior managers decided that instead of the usual format, she wanted to go through every item on a Jira board we all use. I had to go first and immediately I felt defensive and as though I was being put on the spot, especially as she had a lot of questions about stuff I am working on.

I don’t think I really was, but it’s SO hard to push down the aggrieved feelings and be calm and neutral.

I woke up again today just feeling so tired. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
HelloMoto3 · 15/04/2021 22:42

It sounds as though exercise really helps you with low mood so perhaps prioritise that (any small bit - maybe make a chart and aim for a number of minutes a week).

Well done on getting a new job. You need to draw a line under your previous bad experience - it has clearly knocked your confidence. Focus on what you enjoy in your new role and don’t dwell on bits you don’t enjoy. If you need help or more training do something about it. This might sound a bit odd but it can be stressful doing another job when you’ve previously worked in a high stress environment - be careful about what you say to yourself e.g. don’t internalise them negativity from that previous experience.

And yeah, this year has been shit - keep going x

whatisforteamum · 19/04/2021 13:40

Good for you finding another job.I can understand how you feel and perhaps you are a little depressed I was told last week I am and normally I'm a positive workaholic I don't even know if I can drag myself back..completely unlike me!!
Baby steps and all that.

IjustbelieveinMe · 30/04/2021 10:20

@Cowbells

OP, a lot of people are feeling like you right now. I am. Out of nowhere, my motivation level has significantly dropped. We've been in lockdown for so long it has started to affect us.

My plan is to make tiny changes. I don't know what fitness you used to do but look for 5 minute videos of it online. For a week, do a 5 minute vid each day - of yoga or HIIT or weights etc. The next week, up it to 10 minutes a day. The following week, up three of those days to 20 and stick to 10 the rest of the time. If your motivation drops, go back to 5 mins because we can all do anything for 5 mins.

With work, would it help to give yourself a kickstart ritual? E.g. Make a coffee or herbal tea. Go to your workspace, light a candle or open a window or switch on your work lamp (or all three) put on some music that helps you focus if you like and spend 10-15 minutes making a list of what needs doing then prioritising, so you end up with a To Do Today and To Do this week list. Plot the sections into your calendar. Then finish your coffee, turn off the music and promise yourself you will do item one for five minutes. Once you are into it, it's easier to stay with it.

Also, can you create deadlines with colleagues. I do a lot of 'I'll get that to you by midday on Wednesday' etc. No one asked for it by then. I could have said Friday evening. But by imposing deadlines I have a structure to the week and a target to hit. It makes me feel good to get things in by a deadline and also, when you WFH, it's very good to be able to say to partners and DC: I'm busy now. I have a deadline. I'll play with you/shop/help you with that tomorrow/after tea.

I know these tricks don't always work when motivation is really really low. But they can help. Also, it's worth checking that it's not physical. I take Vit D spray, liquid iron, B complex vitamins when run down and also L-Tyrosine at times, which gives me a small headache so I don't take it daily but it aids your dopamine levels which is the get-things-done neurotransmitter.

Just wanted to say thank you for writing this, it's so helpful Daffodil
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