Help me hand my notice into my employer...

[Pebbledashery]

Hi all.
You may have seen my recent thread regarding the fact I was offered a dream job in the NHS.. It fits in with every aspect of my life so perfectly as I'm a single parent.. They are hoping to have me start my mid to late June.. I'm so incredibly excited and have to keep pinching myself as I can't believe it...
Anyway, whilst my pre employment checks are under way, I'll only hand my notice in once they've all new completed...
Please help me think of what to say to my boss I'm absolutely dreading it 😭😭😭
She is the founder of our company and I'm her EA and I get on relatively well with her, I also worked with her at my previous employer so I've known her for nearly 10 years.
The past few weeks she's said some highly unacceptable and quite frankly terrible things to me and she only gets away with it because she is the founder and I feel like I owe her a loyalty for taking me on part time to fit around my childcare.
She is quite unbearable to work with at the moment and whenever I see my inbox fill up with her frantic emails and her calls I just feel dread.
I also wanted to leave my current employer because my boss expects me back in the London office full time from June and it's not feasible for me as a single parent. As well as the cost of getting into London from the area I relocated to it's just going to put so much stress on me.
I suspect I'll have to hand in my notice around May time as I'm on 4 weeks notice.. Please help me with what I need to say to her as I'm worried she will make the last 4 weeks there completely unbearable... 🤮

Congratulations on your new job, well done!
Has she any leave coming up and have you accrued any?
I think I’d be tempted to take some leave during the notice period but to avoid the days she’s on leave 😉
Just write a short formal letter keeping to the main points.
Good luck.

Notice should be written rather than verbal. Email her a PDF of a very standard resignation letter, just Google one. Don't approach her with excuses or act like you're sorry for landing her in it. You don't need to justify a single thing, and if you feel really pressured to give a reason then just fall back on the old Mumsnet favourite "it's not working for me".

Your boss shouldn't be inside your head this much, she will soon be a thing of the past. You shouldn't waste your time worrying about someone who is nothing more than a colleague. She might make your last few weeks hellish but after that you're free, good luck and congrats!

Be factual. Explain that the London commute won’t work for your circumstances so you found something more conducive. Then thank her for ten good years and offer to help hire your replacement. If she chooses to throw a tantrum or behave irrationally it won’t be your fault - don’t engage - rise above.

And congrats !!!

I would just state you have been offered your dream job and have decided to take it. Thank her for the opportunity and support over the years. If you start mentioning the commute, etc she may say she doesn't need you to do that in order to keep you.

I don't think she would appreciate just a letter of resignation before a verbal conversation... She's extremely sensitive and precious..

Doesn't matter what she would appreciate though 🤷🏻‍♀️

So? You are leaving because of that attitude, you don't need to pander to it any more.

A letter stating your leaving date and no further explanation is all that's needed. She has no right or need to know more. Maybe practice a few simple non sentences:

I felt the need for a change

Dear Boss

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation. As per my contract my notice period is x weeks. Therefore my last day will be x.

Kind regards

I got a song dedicated to my old boss when I wanted to leave “Take this job and shove it, I ain’t working here no more”

Just tell her that it’s time for you to move on. You’ll train in a new person as soon as she gets one. If she starts causing you a lot of stress, get a doctors note and take time off with the stress. You don’t have to put up with it.

One of the first posters had it right. Remove all emotion and don't give reasons.
Imagine Bruce Willis or Jason Statham in an action film giving their notice. They'd send the email and forget all about it. Just get on with life. Channel their energy :).

When I left my job last year I called my manager in the morning (worked at a different site) and just said I was moving on and giving them the heads up prior to sending them an email, that was it. No discussions/excuses. Just said an opportunity had arisen and they wished me luck.

If she's so precious, take your letter in an envelope and tell her face to face you are are resigning and hand her the letter. Job done. She can have as many tantrums as she likes, her behaviour is her responsibility and you'll soon be out of there.

I once resigned from a job where the boss had been a real bitch to me. I took my resignation letter to a meeting with her - she was going to tear a strip off me for some perceived slight when I had worked my balls off for her. Totally took the wind out of her sails and I think she realised her behaviour had been off.

I was thinking to have our HR lead there also with her during a zoom call.. I can't imagine how she'll say anything out of turn with them there.. I just don't want to burn bridges as I will need an employer reference although from what I gather the NHS references don't give much room to elaborate I think it's just dates. I am going to take all the emotion out of it.. I feel like I've just outgrown my role and I'm so unbelievably excited to start my new role, just don't want to leave on bad terms.

Congratulations on your new job! Honestly, handing in your notice is a non event, people do it all the time. No explanation/justification/apologies required. You need to do it in writing, not verbally, so download any simple template, fill it in, and send it.

The only point you might want to consider is whether you just want to smile and nod about leaving; or whether you want to do a full exit interview with HR stating that you were treated badly. This will not have any effect on references as they will have already been given by then.

But stop thinking your leaving is some kind of faux pas that you have to bring up with your manager, involve HR in, or apologise for. It isn't, and you don't. You just need to send the simple formal template email- no drama.

Why would you get HR involved? I think you are totally overthinking this. You can have a chat face to face If you wish and at same time hand her the letter of resignation. It’s not that hard.

Congratulations on the new job @Pebbledashery!

As an earlier PP said, keep your resignation letter (sent in as a PDF by email, but bcc'ed to your personal email address for your own records). Keep it calm, brief, factual and professional.

If she asks you the reasons you are leaving, you can say the new role offers xxx and give a couple of good examples eg: better work/life balance, targeted training in the areas you are interested in progressing in, etc.

Once you've sent it to her, forward a copy to HR for their records and for them to start the ball rolling officially.

Good luck! 🌹

I keep it basic and provide no reasoning, just my leaving date.

You can keep it positive by thanking her in person and attributing leaving to not wanting to commute into London or wanting to work in healthcare after the pandemic. That way there’s no personal insults so no trigger for her to be nasty.

You’ve had some great advice here. I’d also look to minimise the time you’re actually in during your notice period - see if you can take annual leave as much as possible. And have a prepared “grey rock” response for if she’s rude to you, and keep repeating it.

Thank you everyone. There are some very helpful pieces of advice on here. At the end of the day.. It's work.. People move on.. And it's a 4 week notice period and not 5 years 😂. I don't need to justify myself but I also don't want to burn bridges. I am going to do it verbally first just out of courtesy to her and then follow up immediately with a standard letter. If I was to just send her a letter she'd ring me immediately so there's no point.. Having thought about it.. I've actually never handed in my notice in properly like this to an employer as I've been in the same industry for 12 years, I left the first place after maternity leave so it was just a letter to my line manager who is also my friend and that was that.. This is the first time I've properly left a job to move on to another employer.

Oh god, the dreaded day has come and I'm handing in my notice on Tuesday 🤮🤮

How did it go OP?

Hello all.. It went much better than I expected. She said she was very disappointed that I hadn't told her how I felt but that she knows it wouldn't have been an easy decision and that she fully understands that. She was laying it on thick all day with the niceties so I'm pretty sure she knows it's because of her..
Feeling very relieved now..... It was like a massive lead balloon lifting when I told her..
Just hope I do well in the new job..

I can definitely relate to the sense of relief you’re feeling now

Congratulations for getting through the hard part, hopefully your notice period is smooth and she doesn’t cause any trouble