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Feel like my colleague is always trying to knock my confidence

4 replies

annoyedcolleague · 30/03/2021 21:08

We both started at the same time, I am naturally more of careful and cautious person whereas she goes full steam ahead which has resulted in her making several mistakes and having a few minor accidents.

I get the impression she is finding me too cautious and tiresome. For example:

  • I was engaged in a task and another task needed to be done next to me too which she begun to do. She then walked away and came back 5 minutes later and said "oh did you not do X yet?" when it's obvious X hasn't been done, she had started it and left and I had been standing nearby engaged in something else, so why would I have stopped mid-task and started doing X?
  • For one of our tasks we have been told to be careful with a particular aspect and check it carefully. I was checking it, around 30 seconds later she said "it's never gonna be perfect you know" and I was like "I know, I'm just quickly checking it over". I wasn't taking a particularly long time to do it or anything, but it's an important aspect which we have both overlooked before and have been reminded of its importance so I wanted to ensure it was ok before continuing.
  • She also will always knockdown anything I do, especially when it's from my own initiative. She will say "you don't need to do that" all the time to me, like she can't ever let me just do what I want. They are usually things that help us work quicker and more efficiently, even if not necessarily needed. For example, if I have a free moment I will start preparing things for the next task and she will tell me "you don't need to do that" and imply that I'm being stupid and misunderstanding what needs to be done. It doesn't affect her at all, in fact if anything it positively impacts her by making these simpler for the next task but I don't get why she has to voice her opinion.
  • She will shoot down every suggestion I make, even when I know I'm in the right. For example, there's a procedure we need to do that takes literally 1 second but it's technically not needed, but I prefer to do it because that's what our policy says and it means anyone coming in after us to work will presume it has been done and it may mess them up and she will argue about it for several minutes and say it doesn't need to be done, she won't just let me do it even though it takes literally 1 second. She makes me feel really stupid for wanting to do it.
  • Some aspects we divide into two and do together, if I ever finish mine early I will go and help with her workload as sometimes for no fault of our own they can be more difficult and time-consuming. Whenever I happen to be taking longer she will just stand there and watch or walk away, when she can tell I'm struggling and would appreciate her help.
  • She will also disappear and go and chat to colleagues whilst I am setting everything up and then come back and act surprised that I haven't finishing setting up yet when it's a two person job.

Am I in the wrong? Should I try and be less cautious?

She is really nice and we get on well when chatting about non work-related things, but everyday at work I just feel like my confidence is constantly knocked by her.

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 30/03/2021 21:12

She is not really nice. She is not your friend. You are colleagues. Next time she starts to criticise, ignore and carry on. Stop helping her. Do your processes any way you please. You don't have to explain yourself. She isn't the boss.

annoyedcolleague · 30/03/2021 21:36

@PanamaPattie

She is not really nice. She is not your friend. You are colleagues. Next time she starts to criticise, ignore and carry on. Stop helping her. Do your processes any way you please. You don't have to explain yourself. She isn't the boss.
Thank you, I will take your advice into work tomorrow. Another thing she does is if she sees me about to do something wrong she will let me make the mistake whereas if I see her about to do something wrong I will interject and help prevent it. Because I am more cautious it is rare that I will make any kind of mistake, but for example if I start doing something she has already done she won't tell me until it's too late kind of thing.

As we work together on the same tasks we are both accountable for any mistakes and we both have to sign off on everything the other does, so even if I made a huge colossal mistake she will also be held to account and asked why she didn't anticipate it or prevent it so I don't get why she doesn't seem to work well in a team with me.

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 30/03/2021 21:42

As we work together on the same tasks we are both accountable for any mistakes and we both have to sign off on everything the other does, so even if I made a huge colossal mistake she will also be held to account and asked why she didn't anticipate it or prevent it

This is bizarre. What kind of job is it? And why have they put two new starters together?

I was going to say I'd reply, You're not my supervisor, you know every time she told me to do something, but then I read that it sounds like your jobs are really intertwined and you have to work together.

annoyedcolleague · 30/03/2021 21:50

@MadMadMadamMim

As we work together on the same tasks we are both accountable for any mistakes and we both have to sign off on everything the other does, so even if I made a huge colossal mistake she will also be held to account and asked why she didn't anticipate it or prevent it

This is bizarre. What kind of job is it? And why have they put two new starters together?

I was going to say I'd reply, You're not my supervisor, you know every time she told me to do something, but then I read that it sounds like your jobs are really intertwined and you have to work together.

I don't want to say exactly as I have already been quite outing with the information given but it is one where everything needs to be verified and confirmed that it is done properly. We literally have to sign our signatures for each step to confirm we have done it or watched our colleague do it. We are both trained and competent despite being new but there is still a lot of room for error and a steep learning curve.
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