How to toughen up at work!

[SLJ161086]

Hi all, hoping for some advice. I'm newly in a leadership role (not very senior but high up enough) and seem to be finding to be seen as an emotional punchbag for complaints. I deal with colleagues so not clients or third party provider but seem to be viewed as a "service". Two stakeholders in particular are always on my back about poor processes and the way my department works. I am really struggling with pushing back on them. Can anyone offer advice on how to have difficult conversations with people more senior? I don't want to be a yes man/woman, I want to make changes but also be assertive and push back. I wish I could do it!

Do the processes need to change? Are they providing critical feedback that can be used to improve your department? Are you feeling under attack and defensive when this happens? Is push back the right way to go when change needs to happen in order to improve? How can you manage your emotional reaction to receiving feedback, so that you can get the best out of it and turn it in to positive actions?

I definitely do feel under attack when I'm in meetings. Processes do need to change and I try my best but I am often stuck in limbo so I need to do my best to work with what exists. I am so jealous of some colleagues who seem to find the right way to word things back that almost "blames" the person who made the remark but in a positive way. I just seem to sit and take the abuse and not know what to say.

Don’t blame the complainant that’s appalling practice.

But you don’t have to take it all on. Say something that acknowledges that you understand it’s an issue and that you will review in the proper time but now the meeting needs to focus on X instead.

There’s a balance between people feeling heard and not allowing them to waste time in a prolonged attack.

Get a copy of a book called 'leading with impact by Keith Bleasdale. It's brilliant.

You kinda have to set a precedent that if they moan you will question them to eek out a solution. Once they click that they are paid to work it out they leave you alone.

Oh and be very wary of anyone that wants to always come over and gossip/moan ad hoc. I've found that at a later date these people will then blurt out "well I told chocolate about xyz loads of times and chocolate didn't do anything" then comes the killer line - that they say to everyone, "I'm really cross/angry/upset that chocolate didn't do anything, I think it's wrong"

It's the worst job in the world at the start, you can't manage them unless you can be a leader and you can't do that until you know them. The first year is the worst year as they are testing you and finding out what buttons they can push, after that they give up a bit.

'I'm glad you brought that up. I agree we need to look at this process. Why don't you put together a strategy and present it to the team at the next team meeting?'
People love to moan. Putting the work in to solve problems, not so much! Let the whingers know that they will have to put their money where there mouth is, so to speak. They will back down!