Why do other people find me so threatening?

[Moomin]

I'm finding my new job so frustrating (I'm a teacher by the way). I'm in a position with no responsibility after 11 years of management (took this job at very short notice to get away from a bullying ex-boss and so that I can carry on working p/t for a while and be nearer home and the kids). I'm planning on 2 years at the most here before I go for promotion and more hours, either here or elsewhere if something suitable comes up. The dept I'm working in is quite old-fashioned and their results are OK-ish but not brilliant. They have been asked to look at how they improve things and they feel very 'got at' and don't think the Head has a point - they are blaming the kids. I can see LOADS of glaring holes in their curriculum and I'm finding it very very hard to try to keep my tongue between my teeth.

However, I do realise it's a sensitive issue and I've tried really hard to either keep a low profile or very very gently suggest certain things that might help. One of the people in charge of Key STage 3 actually asked me for advice the other day on how to improve standards in one particular area so we had a discussion, I went away and wrote her a (very gentle) list of key points she might want to look at and left it in her tray on Weds morning. Today she could hardly bear to even look at me, let alone acknowledge what I'd given her. SHe did everything she could to avoid talking about it and it really pissed me off! Even if she said 'thanks but no thanks - your ideas are crap' I'd at least be ale to respond!

There are another two people like her in the dept - they look at me with some kind of FEAR and fascination when I talk with any enthusiasm about the job, the kids, the lessons. I'm getting really really frustrated. I'm really trying not to be 'know-it-all' and overbearing. It's all so backwards though. I could cry.

Hi moomin, sorry this is so complicated for you. Try not to get too stressed about it if you can, and give me a bell if you want to offload.

Hey, here's a solution - I need a job, see if you can get me a couple of days there and I'll play Robin to your Batman! Up the revolution!

You are not being over sensitive, it sounds like she is very manipulative.

It is very, very clear from your posts that you are waaaaaaaay over qualified for your current job and should be taking on management responsibilities again

You sound enthusiastic with great ideas and totally wasted in this dark ages department

She also sounds very threatened by how good you are and terribly insecure

Thanks for support

HoD came up to me first thing today and said she'd been worried about me and had been thinking about the situation a lot. I just said that she shouldn't worry and I'd learn to live with it (with a big Mrs Kiss-my-Arse face on me). She said "Well at least D knows how you feel now so I think that's made her very aware of how she treats you." It'd be a shame for her really, being so pushed around... if she wasn't HoD and sposed to be our mentor as well as line manager. Double

Am still feeling very stressed despite trying to think positive about the long-term options. Felt close to tears today when I realised that I can't even express any problems (professional or personal) to HoD anymore as nothing will get done, plus she might continue thinking I'm 'over-sensitive' (well it suits her to anyway). I am sooooo tempted to talk to the Head, but I don't want him to think I'm stirring up trouble and trying to trade on him being a friend. AT the same time I feel very churned up about it and I don't want to spend another weekend fretting about it. I finished my week today and don't work Fridays but I'm thinking about going in to work to talk to someone about it tomorrow. Maybe the Assistant Head who used to be HoD for my dept? She is well aware of the 'problems' in the dept, although I don't know how close she is really to D and whether it's appropriate. Gah!

I can't bear the thought of having bad guts all weekend Someone tell me what to do! GIve me some options....

You say you are feeling stressed, churned up and close to tears.

I feel a bit concerned that the situation may begin to affect your well-being.

Given the way you are feeling, I would not try to bottle it up anymore and maybe stop putting on a brave face for your HoD. Make her aware of the effect this matter is having on you. I know you don't want to come across as over-sensitive, but i'm not sure for how much longer you will be able to tolerate this situation anyway.

Calling a colleague "oversensitive" is, to me, just another way of avoiding people management. I would go to someone senior if HoD is dismissing your concerns. I know it's hard to raise a problem at work, but i don't want things to escalate and you end up being signed off (worst case scenario) if you continue to bottle things up.

Lots of luck.

THanks LMM, that's nice of you to consider my well-being. Yes, I'm afraid it has affected me physically - stress always manifests itself through my stomach. I think it's also bringing back the crap I had in the summer with my old job when my Head was basically bullying me. Far TMI, I know, but I don't think I did a solid poo for about 5 weeks when all that was going on. (Sorry!) I'm not prepared to let this situation go that far, though. I know bottling things up does no good at all, so I won't.

I tried to see the Head on Friday (my day off) but he wasn't free so I've had the weekend to stew on it. Luckily, life gets in the way a bit and I've had my attention taken up with family and doing some nice things, which is good, but I'm also aware that I've been snappy with dh and feel a bit on edge. I will make sure that I get to see him tomorrow and although I'm not going to tell him everything (I don't think that's productive right now), I will warn him that the dept is a bit of a pressure-cooker at the moment and that I'm not very happy. I do think the mini-Ofsted we're having in just 3 weeks will uncover a whole lot and maybe bring some things out in the open.

Sorry for going on - it actually helps, though, to write things down. And of course good to see the input and views of others .

Hi Moomin, sorry about your rotten guts and generally stressful situation. You CARE too much, a very noble thing, but not always in your best interests .

My take is just to somehow ride it out these next 3 weeks - yes, fill your weekends with happy distractions. And let the mini-Ofsted do the hard work. People are prepared to take counsel from an external source (eg highly paid consultants who don't ever tell you anything new beyond packaging it in fancy words), but never internally, because it becomes too political.

Then once the political climate becomes one of change, you can ride on its coattails, again in a low key way for a start. At that point, gently position yourself with the Head ...

Smiley smiley all the way ... gosh I am Machiavellian