Relocating for work

[24601mary]

Just popping up a post to ask about other peoples experiences of relocating for work purposes - particularly if you've had infant children and are close by to grandparents before relocating .

My husband has got his dream job in Nottingham and we currently live in Peterborough. We are strongly considering moving north to avoid a possible long commute once working from home is no longer a permanent or regular thing . Our daughter is 2 and another reason we want to move now is so that she can settle in playgroup and school . I would hate to stay here and then realise when she is in year 2 that we really need to relocate and that then unsettling her.

The grandparents are naturally upset that we are moving away. My mum in particular as I am an only child and so is she, so in terms of my blood family - it's just me and her and my my grandmother who I will leave behind . I will of course visit regularly and have my mum stay over as often as she can and would like to buy the GUILT of leaving is awful.

Can anyone offer any advice ? Am I being awful to even consider moving away from my mum?

What's the distance? It's not that far?! I'd also be taking into account what you want and what job options would look like for you in either location. So far I've just heard what's best for everyone else and not what you want.

@travailtotravel - wasn't expecting that response but it was exactly what I needed to hear so thank you . You're right I'm not considering me . I would want to stay close to my mum and my grandma. My mum won't drive the hour and a bit drive to Nottingham because she doesn't like driving but she would get the train. So if we did relocate it would have to be somewhere fairy central so I can collect her from the station. I worry about how life might be though if we decided to have another baby , not being round the corner. Mum would come and stay with us, but then what happens when she goes?
But I also worry that I wouldn't want my husband driving that distance every day should covid allow him back in office, we would hardly see him
My job is in Peterborough but I can work from home so I feel confident that wouldn't be too problematic
I am honestly so conflicted 😐

It’s only an hour away. You are far too worried about other people.

We moved a short flight away and I had 3 children. They miss their grandparents massively, even more so due to covid, an hour would be nothing .

You are an adult and perfectly capable of looking after two children and dealing with day to day issues, you sound like you’ve become reliant on your mum for basics or been spoilt with her efforts to help.

It’s not far and there’s the phone, text, FaceTime etc to keep in toich

@BluebellsGreenbells oh wow that's prettty assumptive to say I've become spoilt of my mums support when I haven't said anything about needing support from her .

My Mum came and cooked us all dinner for 2 weeks post birth and I had no idea how much we would need that. Since then I have done everything myself thank you very much!!!! Lol

Me and my mum are good friends and I would miss her company as my friend.

I have a similar dilemma although in my case it’s 2hours away and it’s my job forcing the move. Or it might be I’m interviewing this week 🙈 to be honest I’m really conflicted. I’ve lived away before and wanted to come back.... but..., argh.

Tend to agree with Bluebells - it's only an hour ! We lived five hours apart from my DPs when I had my DS, we did a separate move (for work reasons) when DS was 9 & we left all the friends and contacts we had made, DS had to change schools twice. It was fine - we all enjoyed the challenge and new opportunities.

And Nottingham is a fab city, I would love to live there .

An hour on the train is nothing for your Mum to come and visit, you do sound very nervous about things which are pretty normal.

Surely there is a compromise here. She can get train over from Peterborough if she won't drive or you could move partway. Or your dh commutes for six months then review. It really is not that far.

We moved when DD was 18 months for work purposes and are just over an hour from my parents in law. In terms of the age to move it was good as we didn’t feel we were uprooting her and she’s settled into a nursery and we moved into an area with a lot of families so I’ve made mum friends.
My pil help a lot with DD and now DS; they’re happy to drive to us luckily but I also don’t find it long to drive and will visit just for the day or overnight quite easily. When I had baby DS both my mum and mil came to stay for a few days and that’s always worked well for us.
The downside is that neither can just pop in for an hour or two if I need to go somewhere or have been up a lot in the night with the kids but a lot of people don’t have that and it’s fine.

I do appreciate in the grand scheme of things an hour and a bit away isn't a big deal and I understand there are many people who have big relocations . I am a home bird and whilst I have moved away before in the past for uni and for work, it was before having a child when my only focus was me!. Having a child does change people and for me, it's just made me feel even more connected to being at home , having my mum pop in for a cup of tea and a chat whenever she wants is lovely and a luxury at the moment. I don't think it makes me a bad person for wanting that or missing it if we did have to move even if it was just an hour away.
It is nice to read that others have done the same thing any it is a regular occurrence for most families. Being part of an incredibly small family - mum and me and my 90year old grandmother makes the guilt more real because I would be leaving them alone. (I do my grandmas cleaning for her for example at the moment)

Can you move half way so a reasonable commute between both places? We recently moved 30 mins away from my family and it's been fine, still see my mum once a week (support bubble).

Do what is best for your family, by which I mean you, your DH and your child, Nottingham is really nice and there are some lovely villages in the area.
Your mum won’t be far away and you might be able to get a house with a spare room so she can stay. She really isn’t far away and it will be fine.
It might be a bit healthier to get some distance too, it’s lovely you enjoy each other’s company but she shouldn’t be your friend, she’s your Mum.

Newark is great for trains, on the A1, and right near the newish A46 dual carriageway to Nottingham.
Some nice places round there if you have a look.