Have I let myself down? Halted career

[bonitasi]

Hi

I have recently been in a difficult situation. I have been unhappy in my job for a while all through 1st pregnancy and on return from maternity leave ( child is now 2). I was successful on gaining a new job but declined due to the fact I found out I was pregnant again . I have had nausea all day ( some vomiting also but mostly Nausea hangover feeling )and feel very tired . Due to my notice period at work I would have been starting the job at 16 weeks pregnant .

Some of the reasons for declining were :

• job was 1 hour commute ( may have struggled with the sickness ) my current job work from home

-I would have only been entitled to maternity allowance

• would have been on leave / work from home possible from 28 weeks due to nhs guidelines and I felt I wouldn't be contributing to the team as much and it may be awkward ( I was a replacement for a clinical nurse specialist who was retiring ) .

Now I just worry that I didn't make the right decision. I'm still stuck in this job I hate albeit I can work from home which I understand is good for a nursing job ( it's helpline I work on like nhs 111 so full on ) if I don't return after maternity for 12 months I have to pay my maternity pay back , the nursing job I declined said to get in touch with them after my leave to see if they have posts available . But now I feel totally stuck where I am.

I suppose I am just looking for reassurance if any one has been in the same position abs whether I made the right choice. I feel I took the easier option whilst I feel so sick visibly pale unwell to just be at home on calls but now feel iv delayed my career.

Thank you

Oh bless you. It’s easy to worry but don’t let it overwhelm you - once your little one has been born there will be plenty of time to look for something which works better for you. It may even be with the company whose job you just declined! There will be something better out there for you.

I was a nurse and stayed in a job even though I was being bullied (others were to but management refused to act) because of maternity pay /it was on the door step. I waited till they were all at school then moved to a better job. It was hard but the right thing to do for my family. The only thing in hindsight I'd have perhaps done differently would have been to move once the last was settled in nursery. You have done what you need to do for your family, they'll be other jobs. You only need to go back for a short period after maternity (and you can use annual leave to cover some of that) before moving jobs if that's right for you. Especially with covid your taking the safest job, you'd struggle to settle into a new job with morning sickness, covid, then having to be at home from 28 weeks. You'd feel like you were starting again after maternity leave. There will be something out there for you when the times right.

Very different situation but I was also desperate to leave me current job and find a new role. I’d be trying to find a new position for a number of years and I was finally offered one between Christmas 2019 and new year 2020. The job was perfect and really what I wanted to do. I turned down the job. I wondered why I turned down the job, I’d have had to take a pay cut but I was prepared to do that. It felt like I couldn’t follow through with something because everyone knew I was unhappy in my job, then I got the chance and didn’t take it. It was in a different sector and I knew I didn’t to change sectors or I’d be stuck in this one indefinitely. I felt like I hadn’t been brave enough to take a leap of faith. Got myself stuck in my current job.

I had some career counselling in Feb and early March 2020, which I hoped to use to get another offer. Then the pandemic hit. Had I taken that job offer, I would have been furloughed and given that I’d taken a pay cut there’s no way I could survive on 80% of a pay cut. However, I wouldn’t have started until early March and so I wouldn’t have been eligible for furlough anyway. I think I’d probably have been let go and be out of a job. I’d still love to do that job at some point but it wasn’t the right time and I’m so grateful for that little voice that told me not to take that job.

I really doubted myself for a few months. Then about May last year, my current role has just taken off. My career has advanced so much in the last 9 months, in a way I’d never have anticipated before. It’s really weird but when this settles down, I really think I’m in a much better position to look for my next job. We’re TTC so I’m not looking at the moment and won’t be for a while. I know your work situation is different but it sounds like your current job is what is best for you now. Also remember that you left job has to work you and your circumstances, not just about getting to the next point in your career.