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returning to work - have I made a mistake?

18 replies

floops · 01/10/2002 21:09

I return to work tomorrow following maternity leave of nearly a year. I have just finished tucking my two darlings into bed (later than usual tonight). Suddenly I am feeling as if I am making a horrible mistake. I did not feel like this when I returned to work after my first maternity leave. Did or does anyone else feel like this?

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sammac · 01/10/2002 21:21

Floops, I know exactly how you feel. I returned to work in August after my mat leave with ds and I still wish I wasn't there.I was happy to leave dd as a baby- but this time......
I think it's because I know that he's the last- and so this is the final baby experience, and also because he's so gorgeous!! He's just the happiest soul around.
To make matters worse, I then have to be around other people's children all day long( I'm a teacher)I love my job ....but I know where I'd rather be.
If there was a possibility of extended leave or a leave of absence then I'd take it, but it's return to work or leave. Teaching jobs are difficult to get and I'm in a good school so....
hi ho hi ho it's of to work I go

floops · 01/10/2002 22:31

Sammac, that's the thing - I'm a ward sister and if I was to take a career break or leave I would find it hard to get the same position again. I would probably have to start at the bottom once more. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it seems a shame when I have worked so hard to get where I am. My two darlings will be fine tomorrow evening with their Daddy looking after them (they'll all have a scream!). It is me that will feel my place is at home.

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sammac · 01/10/2002 22:55

floops, once you're at work it won't be quite so bad. You'll be kept busy and hopefully the time will flash by. I know I leave much earlier than before in order to be home quicker. My ds goes to a childminder , who's great, but I'm jealous of their time together, and feel it should be me.
On the other hand, working means that we are still better off financially, and can do lots of things together that we couldn't otherwise. So, I just get on with it and enjoy the times together and am grateful for the long holidays which most people don't have the fortune to have.

lilly72 · 02/10/2002 09:57

Ohh I understand..I am returning to work on monday and am feeling heartbroken at the thought of leaving my lovely little 13 month old daughter. I seriously do not know how I am going to be able to leave her at nursery..it is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My thoughts are with you and I hope it all goes well.

zebra · 02/10/2002 10:16

floops: It is so tough; I often feel the same. Esp. as mine howl when I leave them (talk about guilt!) I was very bored when not working though; tend to believe I'd be unhapier person & unhappier mother if I was fulltime mum.

DH is quitting his job, though, so the kids will only nursery 1 day/week; woohoo!!

sis · 02/10/2002 10:19

Floops, hope it all goes okay for you today.

ks · 03/10/2002 20:36

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florenceuk · 03/10/2002 22:07

Ks, presumably when they hired you, they knew you would be working fewer hours? They can't expect you to do the equivalent of a full-time job in less time. Also it takes a while to get up to speed in any new job. Give it a few weeks, don't panic, and don't get too stressed - hard I know. Can you do any of the work from home?

bossykate · 03/10/2002 22:33

ks

i recently moved to a reduced hours contract but have retained my full time responsibilities.

first off, going back to work is a very big adjustment - it took me three months not to feel completely exhausted. and there was me thinking i'd actually feel better since a day at the office is easier than a day with a small child. so as florenceuk says, give yourself time to adjust.

really obvious one - do you make a prioritised to do list every day? i find ruthless prioritisation is absolutely necessary. also plan your work as far ahead as you can - if you can anticipate any busier periods, would it be possible to bring work forward into the quieter periods?

try not checking your email frequently (very hard!) perhaps twice a day.

this is really going to sound awful, but here goes - see if there are certain requests you don't have to respond to or calls you don't absolutely have to return. if it's really that important - they'll ask/call again, if not, it might just go away altogether.

meetings are what absolutely kill my day. if you find this is happening, check the purpose of the meeting and see if it can be sorted with just a short conversation instead. if people ask for one hour meetings, could you request that it's only half an hour instead?

if you keep a workplace diary - block out a period of time each day to "catch up" with things.

would it be possible to work for say an hour each day other than at your desk? otherwise, people do tend to drop by for chats etc. while chatting to colleagues is obviously one of the benefits of working life(depends on the colleagues of course ), when you are really under pressure, a constant "open house" can really take its toll.

see if you can say "no" politely if you're asked to take on too much.

finally, as florenceuk says, if it's really impossible to manage, you might consider requesting that your responsibilities are harmonised with your working hours.

one last thing, my work is deadline based, with a long hours culture and frequent ad hoc requests, and we are also two team leaders down, so am attempting to cover their work as well as my own. under these circumstances i find i do have to work longer than my contracted hours - just no way round it. if you find yourself in a similar situation, could your dh cover for you occasionally so that you can get out from under? yes - it is a slippery slope!

don't know your line of work ks - if it's not office based then comments above will obviously be a big pile of pants! apologies if this is the case.

best of luck - it will get easier
PS - never say you are leaving "early" if you are leaving at the correct time!

bossykate · 03/10/2002 22:35

oh yes - constantly checking mumsnet at work eats into my day!

Scatterbrain · 03/10/2002 22:36

Absolutely second everything bossykate has said - great advice !

WideWebWitch · 03/10/2002 22:42

ks just wrote you a long message, copied it, went off to find a link for you and pasted over my copy, how annoying! Anyway, what it said was, how annoying that employers feel they are doing their employees a favour by 'letting' them work part time but then expecting full time work product. It's just not realistic or reasonable. But you also mustn't expect it of yourself, do you think you maybe are?

In my old corporate life I found it very useful to produce a task list/project plan which broke every task or project into its component parts and allocated a time taken to complete each task. From this I would prioritise and ask my line manager to agree these priorities. This meant that if I was asked to do something outside of this plan I could ask where it came on the priority list, how long it would take and where I was expected to fit it in. (Funnily enough, this also seems to work in the poxy job I have now!) You can use this without being confrontational or aggressive: it's just a written tool that helps you and others see what you have to do, how long it will take, when it has to be done by and how long your task list is.

There is also an organisation called New Ways to Work which helps people with flexible working practices but I've just looked for their site and it seems to be down. You could try calling them though, they're London based.

2 books I'd recommend on the subject are "ending the mother war" and "when work isn't working any more: women, work and identity" - let me know if you want info on authors etc.

It is hard working and having a child/children IMO and IME. Just started working again after 4 years and it's a culture shock! Will post more if I think of anything else but good luck.

ks · 03/10/2002 22:48

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ks · 03/10/2002 22:50

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WideWebWitch · 03/10/2002 23:00

ks, also know those feelings having just gone back to work. Life is constant go go go: get up, get ready, get child ready, drop at school, go to work, work, work, work, leave - backing out of the door saying "no, I can't, I'm off now" - rushing to school, picking up ds, getting home, cooking his supper, putting washing on, tidying up the tip we left in the morning, cooking our supper, putting ds to bed, mumsnet, chat with dp, sex (maybe), sleep and then wake up and do it all over again! And that's without any time for shopping, cleaning, friendships, etc etc. Sound familiar? Bossykate's message wasn't there when I posted but completely agree with all of it and it sounds like she has a much more pressurised job than I do. Get it off your chest here and let us know how you get on!

Zoe · 04/10/2002 09:03

I think that you've had some really good advice here ks, but just to put the other side of the coin, I have just handed in my resignation for many of the reasons that you are describing, and now I have made the decision I feel great. I will finish at Christmas and then I am going to temp for a few months, hopefully before going to re-train. It's been a big tough decision, but it's been worth it. Like you, I felt that if I was not doing my job properly then no-one benefits, and if we have to live on fresh air for a while then so be it. I know that I am lucky to be in a situation where I can take that decision, and not everyone is, but I wanted to share my solution with you.

Good luck and breathe deeply

floops · 07/10/2002 12:09

First week went well - three days back at work and do not feel as if I have been away! Kids have been fine at nursery. I have worked less hours though due to slotting in annual leave a day a week for the first month.(best advice I ever took!). Will be reducing my hours to three days I feel - the time is more important than the money from that extra day.

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sis · 07/10/2002 16:56

Floops, glad to hear that things are going well for you and your family and that you are moving towards the home vs work balance that works for you.

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