Back to full time work

Rabadash · 2021-03-12T10:25:18+00:00

Question: have been working part time for 5 years since the children were born. Now have to commit to a permanent full time position or permanent part time position. Feel like I should go back full time but think I secretly want to go back permanent part time, but feel like I'm cheating somehow. Any advice on how I can decide?

partyatthepalace · 12/03/2021 20:55

Main question - which decision will service you better in 5 years ?

And also

what can you afford to do? (Also include possibility of loss of partner income)

what do you want to do?

YummyBelicious · 13/03/2021 10:57

I've just accepted a role that was advertised as full time. During the discussion of me accepting the role they said I can work part time if I want. Now I don't know what to do!
It's the school holidays that are always the sticking point. Is it the same for you?

This job I've got is permanent WFH, and flexible that I can flex my hours when needed ie school hols.
I'm thinking of going for four days, with the hopeful option that if it works well and I can manage the balance I'd like to full time compressed??

Original poster

Rabadash · 13/03/2021 15:00

After I had my first child I was supposed to go part time, but wires got crossed and management forgot about me which meant I was back to work full time when my baby was 10months. I cried every day leaving her, and I cried in work. Looking back I probably had PND but I didn't know it at the time. Fast forward two years, I'm on maternity again with baby number two. I made sure I was part time then. When the 2nd child was 2.5 years old was diagnosed with postnatal depression. Which I probably already had since baby number 1. I just thought all parents struggled. Managed to put off the decision and get part time for 6 years. But now have to decide if it's permanent part time or not. Am terrified that if I chose to go full time I'll end up depressed again, as I still struggle anyway. Part of me wants to prove to myself I can work full time the other part is really afraid of going mad again 😱

OP posts:

Original poster

Rabadash · 13/03/2021 15:01

I don't know what I want to do. I'm afraid the decision will be wrong for me and I'll end up severely depressed again. 😭 At the same time I feel I should work full time because, why not? I should be able to manage. 😕

OP posts:

BadgerFace · 13/03/2021 15:09

If you can afford to work part time and enjoy the balance then I’d stick to it. No need to ‘prove’ you can do full time if your life is working for you!

I’ve worked part time for the last 8 years. I’ve upped from 3 days to 70% as my youngest got older. I could work more now she is at school but the balance suits me with 4 days in term time and 3 in the holidays so less childcare to sort out. I want to pick them up twice a week whilst they are young and it keeps a fairly stressful job from being my focus 5/7 days with less time to deal with family admin which would increase stress levels...

Original poster

Rabadash · 13/03/2021 15:12

Have been thinking about this all week because the deadline is looming. Have been crying about it all afternoon, feel so useless. I take antidepressants, I have a counsellor, but I feel even she is telling me that I'm being ridiculous and of course I should/can go full time. My parents doing believe in depression, you're obviously just not busy enough if you have time to be worrying about things. My husband is sick of me talking about it. Sometimes I just want to hide and have the day be over before it begins.

OP posts:

Rainbowdino · 13/03/2021 15:14

Can you not ask for a trial of full time and explain re Mental Health?

ScarfaceCwaw · 13/03/2021 15:14

Your mental health is clearly not great right now. So stay part-time.

Are you getting any counselling support? Has your medication been reviewed lately? I think you need a bit more support than you're getting.

ScarfaceCwaw · 13/03/2021 15:16

Sorry I just saw that you have a counsellor. I very seriously doubt that s/he is saying that you "should be able" to handle FT. I think your perception is distorted and you should book back in with your GP and think about being signed off for a while.

BackforGood · 13/03/2021 15:24

I've worked PT (3 days a week) for the last 22 years.
It has been an immense privilege to have the best of both worlds.
A successful career which has been stimulating and interesting, and also being able to build relationships with my dcs' friends, and their friends parents, and the schools and the staff at those schools etc etc.
I wouldn't change it for the world.

If you can afford it, as a family, and you can continue to work in similar roles that you would if FT, I can't understand why any parent would choose differently. (Obviously, 2 very big 'if' s there.).

Believe me, the part when they are babies and in one place from when you drop them off to when you pick them up is the easy bit. Parenting whilst working gets far more complicated as they get older and need to be in different places on different days at different times for different reasons.

Original poster

Rabadash · 13/03/2021 15:26

I'm a teacher so the contract will be either full time permanent or part time permanent. I've managed to avoid the decision for the last 3years playing the mental health card, but they won't accept that any more. Teachers are usually only allowed to vary their contract for 3 years, but I managed to get 6 years out of it. Hence the decision needed now. I still have around 20years working life ahead of me so afraid at some point I might want a senior position and won't be allowed. Part time is not considered for higher positions

OP posts:

Original poster

Rabadash · 13/03/2021 15:32

One of the main reasons I want to stay part time is so I can do the school run with my two on at least one day a week. (I start too early and finish too late to do this on the days I'm working). I really enjoy dropping them off and picking them up and spending time with them. My husband has no interest in this, it's just another task to him. Lol. Anyone I've talked to has told me this is a silly reason not to work full time for the rest of my life, because eventually they'll be grown up and won't need me anymore.

OP posts:

LoopyLoulley · 13/03/2021 15:46

But this decision isn't for the rest of your life! If you aren't ready for full time now there would always be other teaching jobs to go to in the future. Even in the same school sometimes.
If you were to go full time, would your partner step up to cover the jobs you wouldn't be getting done in the week? Also child sick days/ repair work etc.
There's a big adjustment for the whole family to you going full time so it's not just about whether you're capable to do the work.

user14515324156262562 · 13/03/2021 15:48

You don't sound well enough to work full time. There's nothing wrong with that. It's an arbitrary distinction anyway.

BackforGood · 13/03/2021 16:00

@Rabadash

I'm a teacher so the contract will be either full time permanent or part time permanent. I've managed to avoid the decision for the last 3years playing the mental health card, but they won't accept that any more. Teachers are usually only allowed to vary their contract for 3 years, but I managed to get 6 years out of it. Hence the decision needed now. I still have around 20years working life ahead of me so afraid at some point I might want a senior position and won't be allowed. Part time is not considered for higher positions

I'm a teacher too. That's just not true. I've been SMT. I've had promotions. I've applied for and got different PT jobs. I've moved schools. You can be PT, and then go and talk to the school 3,4,5 years down the line about wanting to increase your hours and - if they want to retain you - they will take that into account as jobs come up. You are completely wrong about this being 'a decision for life'.

Ggeemerc · 13/03/2021 16:02

In your position I'd go part time. Your DC are still young, you've not been well and you work in a stressful environment. Look after yourself so that you can function. You have plenty of time to up your hours later.

crimsonlake · 13/03/2021 16:07

From my experience going part time as a teacher simply means getting school work done on your days off so you can free weekends up for your family. With two little ones and especially given the way you are feeling I would say you are crazy to consider full time if you can afford not to.

YummyBelicious · 14/03/2021 12:25

I think it's sounds like it would be best to agree part time. You can always increase hours in future, in or out of your school, IF YOU WANT TO.

May17th · 14/03/2021 12:35

I would stay part time it sounds like your kids are still in primary school anyway?

I think it’s not impossible but change your hours OP but it will be easier to go from part time to full time once your ready rather than taking on full time then you may have to reduce your hours.

Lots of people assume and say throw away comments like ohhh “H is old enough now and you can work full time”. I know you mentioned you teach but for other parents all the school holidays is a big commitment to sort childcare out.

Frazzled2207 · 14/03/2021 12:42

I have a similar issue, came out of work 3 and a half years ago and looking at going back this year. Slightly differently to you though, my husband has been made redundant so unless he finds a job very quickly (unlikely as his field is very niche) I'll be looking at FT.

In your case though I'd definitely try to do PT if you can afford it, unless the perfect job comes up which is FT or perhaps term time only which of course is like the Holy Grail. The thing is if you go PT there will most likely be opportunities to go FT in the future. Going the other way I think is very difficult.

Yamashita40 · 14/03/2021 12:54

If you can afford it why would you go full time? You're putting too much pressure on yourself in an already stressful job.

I went to four days when my eldest was school age from three days. When my youngest was born I changed to three days again and it suits us very well. We still have plenty of money. I could understand it if you really needed the money. My husband likes me working three days as I'm always there for the kids and make our home and garden lovely. I have time for myself to exercise, meet friends, spend precious time with my mam.

There is nothing wrong with working part time especially when you have mental health issues. Be kind to yourself please.

Bargebill19 · 14/03/2021 13:00

If the decision is making you this upset - then (to me) it seems that you would love to stay part time. I think you have very valid reasons for wanting that at this time in your and your children’s lives.
There is nothing in the world that says this is a decision you have to stick to for the rest of your life.
Once they are older or if circumstances dictate - that’s when you can opt to look for permanent, full time or a senior/different role. Our working lives are not set in stone from day one.
If finances allow, do what makes you and your family happy. Good luck.

MissKeithsNeice · 25/03/2021 22:34

I went back part time. Then went full time - I was a mess. I work 4 days a week now, which is great. However I would def go to three if I had the choice.