Going back next week - any advice/tips for dh who is going to be a SAHD?

[CaraLondon]

DH is really looking forward to being a SAHD, but was wondering if there is any advice I should really consider giving him and are there any pitfalls he needs to be aware of? DD will be 15 weeks when I go back.

Also, how on earth does any working mum cope with (and not go into perpetual panic for) those first few days away?

your husband will probably establish his own routine with your dd soon enough...ie feed-times, naptimes, playtimes, once onto foods mealtimes- so i'd reccomend leaving him to his own devices on that one....but dont make him worry if the house isn't clean and spotless when you come home- after all he is working too!! and when he's done a good job let him know you apreciate him....he will apreciate your hard work as it will be paying all the bills and stuff but dont let that get to you!!

as for those first few days i cant help there being the stay at home parent in our home.

good luck to you all though!!!

rule no. 1 make sure he gets out of the house EVERY day at least once.

good luck returning to work it is really hard but should be easier knowing your dd will be with her dad.

Thanks, galskham - I will try to remember to say how much I appreciate the hard work he is doing - I think that is incredibly important, but it is so easy to forget - I guess a lot of SAHMs feel that they don't get thanked enough. I hope you do!

BUT - she is SO little, and the panic and the guilt are going to weigh me down every time I leave for the office. I guess I just have to accept that.

Sheherazadethegoat - that is really good advice - I haven't done that every day when I've been on leave, and when I haven't I have felt really down.

Thanks for your wishes of good luck - they are much appreciated

I am really grateful that he is going to be a SAHD and that we don't have to get a stranger in to look after dd, although I know CMs can be wonderful as well as practical. But both my parents worked and I really used to miss them, and I know that they felt bad that at least one of them couldn't be with us.

Another thing: DH isn't the playgroups type, but I am wondering if it is worth his while going to any mother/father and baby groups, if there are any. Does anyone have any experience of a group like that?

i go to some surestart groups and they are small but i prefer that, i'm not into the massive room full of rowdy toddlers and stressed out mums screaming at them to calm down and play nice!! and many of the staff will be happy to see a full-time dad for a change to all us full time mummies!!!

and yes my hubby does appreciate what i do for our kids!! he found it a bit stressfull to start with, all the money earning being down to only him, but i was very ill a few weeks after having our dd and he had to take a week off work to have the kids for me, and he realised just how much i do around the house, in the week he was having them he didn't get any washing done, lived on take-away as he couldn't work out how to juggle a baby a toddler and cooking, and didn't get any cleaning done in any room other than the living room, and he was bringing dd to me every few hours for her breastfeeds!!! so didn't have to be warming bottles and feeding either!!.....he now apreciates just how much i do and never ceases to amaze me with his thanks!!

I went back to work ft and my dh gave up work to be a SAHD. At first I left a list of what needed to be done and when, rather obsessive I know, but I'd managed to get DD sleeping 7-9 at night with 2 good naps during the day and I certainly didn't want all my hard work going to pot (in my eyes!)

I used to commute to London and the first few weeks nearly broke my heart as I'd be standing on the platform on the dark at 6.30am waiting for the train to come in when I'd much rather have been at home having a lie in til DD woke up!

DH took DD to parent and toddler groups and even continued to go to my nct coffee mornings as I really wanted DD to be around other children.

This was only a short term arrangement for us (6 months or so) as DH was career changing and I was holding out for redundancy), but it was great for DH to be able to see exactly what was involved in looking after DD.

I know that DH was really nervous the first few days as it was quite daunting especially as I was in another city so if he had have really needed my help it would have been a couple of hours til I could have got home.

Good luck - it will be fine

Thanks for your posts - it is reassuring that others have managed perfectly well.

I've found a group just for babies only which is near the clinic so DH has said that he'll give it a go. He is nervous about it all, but I keep reassuring him that I have every confidence in him and that he is wonderful for doing all this - and I am only a 15 minute walk away, so I might even get to spend a few lunchtimes with them both, which would be great. Sometimes I do feel pangs of jealousy that he will be with her all day - and I am starting to get really annoyed at the "you can have it all" brigade! I want to stay at home and be Mummy! Oh well.

That's lovely that you work nearby so you'll be able to meet for lunch - it'll take some of the stress out of leaving them. Maybe you could have a couple of regular days that you do meet for lunch then DH can plan his week around that...

I know that DH did feel that people were looking at him thinking what's he doing here, but he just thought 'sod it' and spent time playing with DD.

Yes, its difficult 'having it all'. Once you've done a few days you'll get back into the swing of things and will be practically running home you see your DD smiling at you as you walk in the door!

I went back on 1st November, and DH is now full time daddy.
first two days were really hard, dd NOT impressed by bottle, missed mummy and screamed enough to melt daddy's brain!
last week was great though, and both daddy and baby seemed very happy - so happy mummy too!

Well, I have had my first week at work and DH has done splendidly - dd happy, bathed and fully fed (and all smiles) when I get in (have been sneaking off home early), living room has been immaculate, laundry done and dinner prep ready so we can eat at 8pm. He's thrilled at it all and loves the new role - can't help feeling that it won't last ;).

Playgroups are still a bit of a no-no, so won't push it as he has been marvellous and I get the low down on which toys she has batted, when she slept and cried in the day when I get home.

Thank you all for your posts. I cried buckets on the first day, but all's well now and I think this might just work!

Great to hear he is doing so well. Playgroups are a nightmare as a dad/male carer, as many are 'mums' social groups more than anything else I find. However if he visits enough of them, he will get a feel for which ones welcome him, and which don't. I'm a male nanny, so know what it's like going to a toddler group for the first time!

My tip would be for him to find someone else to go to places with - for example, I meet two local childminders, and we do things together such as attending toddler groups, going for walks in the countryside etc. Good to have another adult to talk to, plus the children get to make friends.