I think I want to be a WOHM again, but feel really guilty, and confused?

[gameboy]

For most of my career I have been a full-time WOHM. The kids (now 5 and 8) went to nursery fulltime, and after-school clubs etc, and we had an au pair for a couple of years (although she wasn't for main childcare). I can remember struggling though when the kids were sick, or we had bad nights sleep etc because DH also worked full time.

But a couple of years ago I left my big, well-paid, local job (probably the best I'll ever have in terms of salary/ proximity etc balance) because I thought I was missing out on all the 'kids at home/school' stuff, and also because my youngest was starting school half days for two terms, and it just all seemed too complex. I set myself up as a contractor, working during school hours and evenings and did OK, but only earned about 30% of my previous income. Meanwhile, in the last 5 years DH has set up his own business and works from home. He is doing well, but not enough for me not to work at all.

I think I want to go back into employment. I'm really bored working at home on my own most of the time, and it's very hard constantly finding my next project. Also I got very involved in all the school stuff (PTA etc)for 18 months, and found it mind-numbingly dull - not at all the worthy, fulfilling cause I had imagined . Also, with me around the house DH seems to have scaled down his input into anything domestic/ childcare related (apart for some of the school runs)

Today someone has flagged up an excellent job for me, which I could be in with a chance of getting. The downside is that it would be full-time and mean commuting an hour each way.

DH says it's up to me, but we'd have to get someone to do all the afterschool childcare and cleaning etc, but I think this would only amount to about 10% of my salary, so it would still be worth doing in monetary terms.

I just can't decide if I'm mad to be even considering it? Will I miss too much of my children's lives? But then I think about what they do, say, between 4.00 p.m. and 6.30.pm anyway, and it's homework, eating, being ferried about to clubs, having friends over and watching TV - all of which a competent nanny could supervise surely?

I just think I would feel so much more alive and fulfilled again - instead of this current 'no-mans-land' feeling I currently have

I'd go for it. You can always quit if it doesn't work out. You sound like you would relish the challenge. And if hubby works from home, presumably he's around from 4.30 onwards to supervise kids.

Dora - no, that's the thing - DH doesn't want to do the childcare after school (and to be honest, I don't think he's very good - he's always getting distracted back into his office (at home). I couldn't rely on him to make sure homework was done properly/ playdates arranged and supervised/ kids taken to activities etc.

We'd have to get an after-school nanny. I have no idea how feasible that would be though?

Oh definitely do it, gameboy. I gave up work when ds1 started school and had ds2 at home full-time. I thought I would turn into Super-Mum having little friends round to tea and racing off to fantastic after-school stuff - but it just wasn't me. I stuck it out for 3 years before going back to work full-time. I felt a bit bad at first but, honestly, it was the best decision I ever made.

Sounds like you want to do it - so go for it. If it turns out to be too much, you can always then look for something more flexible, or perhaps even downsize the hours on that job....so much easier once you are in a job to negotiate these things...

Elenya - that's the sort of answer I wanted But was it horrible - am I underestimating how much I'll miss some of the child-related stuff? (At the moment I seem to spend all my time thinking about how I can run away from it... )

Gameboy, you've nothing to lose by giving it a go. I love the odd week off with the children but know I don't wnat to be a sahm, you can always change your mind if you hate it.

Do it, you know you want to.

As others have said, you can negotiate hours afterwards, or use the skills you gain to get something more flexible.

It will also stop your DH getting into the habit of seeing you as the only childcare provider.