How to overcome imposter syndrome, lack of confidence and self sabotage?

[AlexaShutUp]

I have always struggled with my confidence. Don't know why, but it has always been an issue for me.

Academically, I have a strong CV. (Oxbridge degree, well recognised master's qualification and other professional qualifications too). I'm also fluent in a second language and can get by in a couple of others.

On paper, my career history is pretty good too. Good range of experience, including a series of senior management roles, successful projects, substantial overseas expertise etc. I've always had good appraisals and most of the people I've managed have told me that I'm a great manager. I've generally achieved or exceeded targets, got great feedback from clients and external partners, brought projects in on time/on budget etc. However, I've never been very good at networking or self promotion, due to my crippling lack of confidence. I don't like pushing myself forward or blowing my own trumpet, but I know that I need to do this better in order to succeed at a senior level. I'm much better at singing the praises of my team.

I was made redundant last year, which has added to my confidence issues. I'm now job hunting and I have found a role which looks ideal for me on paper - it's a really interesting and exciting role. My experience and skill sets are all relevant, and I meet the criteria in the person spec. The salary is in roughly the same ballpark as what I was earning previously. (Starting point slightly below my old salary, top of scale a few thousand more than what I used to earn). However, as soon as I start thinking about the application, the little voice in my head starts to spiral out of control...there's no way I will get this job, my experience isn't enough; other people will be better qualified; you'll get scared and screw it up at the interview etc etc.

I have always been like this, but it's getting worse. I fucked up a couple of interviews last year that I should have aced, and I'm scared of doing it again. I feel like I'm going to sabotage my chances of getting another job that I really want, and I just don't know how to silence those inner naysayers.

Can anyone offer any words of wisdom, especially if you have managed to overcome similar insecurities? All tips gratefully received.

Anyone? Please?

I can empathise. I'm not as highly qualified as you but reasonably good at my job. I constantly worry I'm not good enough, or doing as well as other team heads etc. I dont k ow the answer but you are not alone

Honestly fake it until you make it has always been my mantra I don't struggle with the recruitment process, I revel in it actually, but I do struggle when I start a job to shake off imposter syndrome (partly because I know I am good at the recruitment stage and worry I am all fur no knickers!) so I have just learned to think like a man, look confident, use confident language, especially when applying, own your achievements. Even if you don't feel authentic underneath you will start believing what you're saying! Don't outright lie about any obviously, but just put on a persona of a confident person!

When writing use direct and simple language that lays out your experience, namely use I instead of we, and don't be afraid to make the positive outcomes clear, you can't be modest in a job application.

No idea, I feel exactly the same. It’s exhausting

I saw a futurelearn free online course on success in interviews today. It looks good. I think your maybe confidence would benefit from feeling really prepared for interviews.

Some really useful advice I had was about developing some case studies of say how you handled difficult projects, difficult situations, conflicting views etc. You have to imagine these stories as being on your bookshelf which you pick during the interview and flex to answer the question. If you have say 8 ready prepared examples you really take the pressure off yourself during an interview of coming up with things.

Another thought is whether you've ever done a basic project management course. It gives you principles and structure you can hang your answers around. Don't know if this helps.

You are clearly a very clever and capable woman. Believe it!

Sorry. Read your post more carefully. I'm sure you do already have that project management and senior experience.do you have an friends working in HR or similar who could help you practice.

Ever done a competency based interview OP?

“Think of a time when you...”. Think of a time when you managed a difficult situation with confidence. Think of a time when you were able to use your network to solve a problem.

Write these examples down. It’s evidence for that inner voice that you CAN and HAVE done it. And it’s dead handy for interviews too .

I have got more confident as I’m older purely because I have tangible evidence of what I can do.

It's not unusual to feel a knock after redundancy OP. Here's my thoughts based on my DH being similar and also having gone through a difficult time in work myself.

1. look at the evidence: it all indicates you are well regarded and highly capable
2. think of yourself as another person and what you would say to them if they felt like you do. Repeat it back to yourself
3. when it comes to applying for jobs and interviews, think of someone you know who is supremely confident. Write your letter, cv and do your interview whilst channeling their confidence and self-belief. It's the same fake it till you make it. My DH does this before a big meeting or when he's not sure about his ability to do something. It definitely helps.

Good luck

You are not alone. Many people feel they just got lucky rather than getting where the do on merit. I feel the same everyday. I once took my husband skiing - he hadn’t done it before. We went down a red run a few days after he started and at the bottom I stopped and told him to look up and see what he has done. I have to tell myself that a lot. Write down what you have achieved in a lot of detail in the various aspects of the job. Do you have performance reviews and ratings? I’m sure they are great. Get them out too. Practise really hard for your interviews as posts above says - how do you cope with challenging staff/ tight deadlines/ managing conflict etc. It will make you feel better. Also when the negative self talk starts give it a few minutes and then decide to make it stop and move on. Again I tell myself this too. Good luck. I know it’s not easy ( I really struggle with it but not sure anyone suspects)

Thank you all for your supportive comments. There's a lot of good advice here, and it's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this.

I'm not very good at faking it, I think. I do prepare quite thoroughly for interviews, and think of examples of stuff I've achieved in previous roles, but I think I over-prepare and then my mind goes completely blank. I'll have a look at the future learn course, thanks for flagging it.

I think one problem I have is that I tend to be quite dismissive of my "achievements". So, for example, I might write something on my CV which is entirely true, but I feel like I'm bullshitting because I can't necessarily claim full credit for the achievement - I find myself thinking that it was just luck that things worked out like that, or because I had a brilliant team working below me, so what difference did I actually make to the outcome? There is very little that I have truly achieved through my own efforts alone.

The thing about performance reviews...they're good, but I always believe that that's because my managers don't really know that much about what I'm doing. I'm used to working in roles where I'm quite autonomous, and my managers have mostly just accepted my assessment of what's going well and what isn't.

Rationally, I know that if they were doing their jobs properly, they'd have a pretty good handle on how well I'm doing, just as I had a pretty good handle on how managers within my own team were doing...but I always think what if I'm just better at hiding my incompetence than most people?!

I know this isn't really rational, but it's a pattern of thinking that is deeply ingrained, and I don't know how to change it. Allowing the negative self talk for a limited period only sounds like a sensible plan, I'll try that.

Hey, I’m an independent career coach and you sound like a lot of my clients! My clients are usually very capable women who for various reasons doubt their own competence - and from your OP that sounds like you.

My advice is this: when the negative self talk starts, counter it by saying to yourself “that’s the fear talking, the truth is that I’ve achieved plenty of great things.” There will be mediocre men and women going for the same jobs as you who will be telling themselves they could easily do this. You sound very able from your OP, and experienced. Interviews are only the beginning - an employer who hires you will soon see that you’re capable.

If it helps, PM me to chat more. Before I worked for myself I worked in corporate HR and I’ve been on a lot of hiring panels. Happy to provide some tips to support you with controlling anxiety ahead of interviews, or to do a half hour free call if it would help.

The other thing I’d suggest is to read Tara Mohr’s book Playing Big which has an excellent chapter on learning to manage your inner critic. I found it really helpful and I think you might too.

I've no advice but am in exactly the same position, you're not alone!

Same problem. A senior colleague said she has the same - would have never believed it. She said she pretends she is acting a role, pretends she is good at her job and knows what she is doing so the world believes it. So to go into the interview pretending you are the perfect person for the role. Your real life experience and training will obviously prove this but she said this helps her defeat her inner critic.