Issues with colleague

[WhineClub]

This is an odd situation and I'm not really sure how to articulate what's going on without sounding bonkers, but basically... I have a colleague at work who has taken a massive dislike to me and I know that she talks about me to other staff members behind my back. This is the weird part though, how do I know? I just do. I'm not her manager but I am her senior and I find myself really struggling to work alongside her because she I find her to be such a draining and difficult presence to be around. But the thing is, there is nothing I can really give as definitive evidence. The only way I can really describe it is that I feel as though she is gaslighting me because when I try to explain, as I said above, I find that I can't. Does that make sense to anybody?

I'm a very non confrontational person and the situation is really getting me down because I can feel myself becoming more and more withdrawn, not just with her but with the whole team. She's the kind of person who will work her away around the group and try and individually influence each person. For example, she will try and convince people not to come into work.

Additionally, she is always talking about how much she hates her job, how bored she is, how she hates the company and how she doesn't care about her work. Her quality of work isn't fantastic but it's not really 'bad' either.

I'm just not sure how to deal with this situation. As I say it's really getting me down to the point where I am considering looking for another job. Does anybody have any advice?

I think what I would do is collate examples of her behaviour - in as much detail as possible - and then speak to her line manager about it. I know you have said it's hard to collect evidence, but you mention she's tried to persuade people not to come into work - you must be basing that on something. Similarly, what she's saying about hating the company and so on could be evidenced. Of course she is entitled to an opinion, but if she's going on and on about this in work time, it will cross a line in terms of expected values and behaviours.

Thank you for your advice. Yes, there are certain things I do have evidence for. It's a weird situation because the manager is her friend and is aware of her behaviour and just seems to want me to put up with it.

@LApprentiSorcier

I think what I would do is collate examples of her behaviour - in as much detail as possible - and then speak to her line manager about it. I know you have said it's hard to collect evidence, but you mention she's tried to persuade people not to come into work - you must be basing that on something. Similarly, what she's saying about hating the company and so on could be evidenced. Of course she is entitled to an opinion, but if she's going on and on about this in work time, it will cross a line in terms of expected values and behaviours.

This. Log the behaviour, with dates and details. If she is gaslighting you, logging exactly what she says and when will evidence a pattern of negative behaviour and provide you with evidence to justify your feeling.

That's really hard; sorry you're having to deal with this

I agree with the others. Log everything (note if anybody else witnesses the events) and build up a picture. Going to her manager with a small, hard-to-prove event would be useless, but going with a record of her behaviour over several weeks will be much harder to ignore.