Coping in a toxic workplace culture

[notaflyingmonkey]

I have worked here a few years now, and am gradually coming to the realisation that it is toxic beyond redemption. I keep thinking that if I just worked harder, longer hours, etc, that things would work, but of course that's not the case. It is v male, full of 'blokes' promoted way beyond their skill set, reliant on capable women (like me) to prop them up, who then get treated like their admin, whereas actually we are equals.

Obviously I need to leave, but my confidence has been worn away, so application forms etc are daunting. In the meantime, how can I cope without just going off sick?

I feel for you. I am currently going through this issue too, in a small family run business with a very incapable owner who belittles, bullies and tears into us all the time (not to mention being a recovering alcoholic) so we never know if he has had a drink or not when he starts with his intimidating yelling. I am equally a manager and he treats me like an admin, so I can sympathise with the confidence issue you talk about. It is very easy for that to happen when working with male chauvinists who don’t deem high performing women to be on the same level (or higher). I don’t have any words of wisdom for you, other than try and stick with it for now until the right job comes along. We are fortunate to have a job, but it should never be to the detriment of your mental health. There are good workplaces out there....hold tight, something will come along.

Thanks for that - I guess it helps to know that I am not alone! I was looking on Amazon for any books that might help, and there seemed to be very few, everything was aimed at people in a toxic relationship - I'm sure there is probably a read across.

I managed a half decent job application this week, so I need to get my escape tunnel dug.

Please take care of you and your mental health. It is awful to work in a toxic environment. I have had to face this in the past.

Obviously getting out, would be my top tip, however that is easier said than done in a global pandemic.

Think about what you need from your toxic colleague. Be polite, but assertive when dealing with them and keep it to work related things only. That way you can never be accused of not speaking. Go in in the morning and when leaving and throw out a general morning or bye to everyone.

Keep a diary (paper) of any incidents time, date, who said what.

Keep an email trail (and save to your personal email) of any incidents in an email and go back with please clarify that you want me to do/meet/prioritise xyz by this deadline. Cannot be accused of not pulling your weight if in writing.

This one takes a lot of front, but if you do it with a toxic colleague you will feel a million times better

Colleague name there seems to be an amposthere on your part between us. Do you have a problem with me doing a b c? I feel we need to discuss our difference of opinion. I will set up a meeting with boss/hr to discuss further I will email you the date. This is a polite, professional way of letting toxic colleague know you are onto them. It is also best said in front of other colleagues. Deliver it in your best professional, cool, calm and collective voice. Difficult I know when you want to scream fuck off you stupid person.

Read why nice girls don't get the corner office by Lois p Franklin. It's American, but a great read.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I've ordered myself a copy.

I faced a similar experience 5 years ago in my last role in a very big public sector organisation.

It was so awful my hair fell out in clumps due to stress and I ended up leaving when the dept restructured.

I work in a brilliant place now with a very supportive manager and really enjoy my job and the workplace environment but my last experience has left its scars.

I've never been afraid of standing up for myself but its totally altered my work personality and I just keep my head down now and I'm too scared to stick my head above the parapet.

My advice would be to get out now. A toxic workplace very rarely changes in my bitter experience.