After reading the 'wellbeing at work causing weird behaviour' thread on Saturday I felt inspired to write my own post about my own predicament at work and wondered about others experiences and possible advice about the direction I should be looking to take.
I currently work in HR having moved into it a few years back after doing an operations role at the company I currently work for.A new senior management team came in a couple of years ago due to a restructure and I got a new boss too, for the first few months everything was fine but then they started to change the company quite significantly, it felt like it moved to a more ruthless environment, profit driven and very structured - the buzzwords they use are entrepreneurial and fast paced which to me seems to mean you're expected to do twice as much work and show a lot of commitmentto the company. Of course I would expect that after a restructure and have stuck it out.
However I'm really struggling at the moment and am not sure if it is just due to my boss or whether this is just what HR is really like and I should be looking for another career change. The culture of the company has dramatically changed but it still tries to portray a people/wellbeing first type culture although in my opinion this is just lip service however I accept that I am fairly cynical about these types of things. The HR department has been rebranded to 'People' and my boss is extremely career driven, she seems to want to be the ultimate HR professional and seems hellbent on introducing 'progressive' initiatives and changing the company culture to what she wants it to be (this falls under the 'change agent' philosophy in HR). She has made it clear she gets her energy from extroverted, driven people and she wants the company to have that type of culture about it.
This is where I am having major problems and just don't think I fit in at the company any longer, it's just making me feel stressed and anxious as I literally can't stop thinking and worrying about work especially as an introvert who likes to fade into the background and just get on with my work with clear boundaries between home and work life. I've never really been career driven and do see it more as a job whereas to her she will work 12-14 hour days and weekends, cancel annual leave because she's bored and work through illness. I think to her it is almost like a hobby and so work is the central part of her life. Throughout Covid and lockdown there has been no let up and in fact she seems to be thriving more than ever which makes it all the more relentless for me as she is constantly inventing new projects or initiatives just so we have things to do, micromanaging remotely, meetings twice a day asking what we're working on and progress reports so if there is a hint of downtime she'll look to create more work and the constant drive for 'continuous professional development' which means participating in external courses and online networking events. She also plays the martyr complaining about how much she has to do which also adds to the anxiety because it feels like I'm not as committed or not doing enough and not helping her byworking in the evening or at weekends too.
On top of this there is the expectation that as part of this new People department we have to be much more visible than a traditional HR function. She wants me to do regular check-ins and 121's with everybody at the company as part of a wellbeing initiative to make sure everyone is okay (I always thought this was the managers job and I was there to advise?).As well as being an introvert and feeling awkward when people talk to me about theirissues I do not feel remotely qualified to essentially be a therapist to dozens of people especially on Zoom - I feel mentally shattered from it.Thisgoes alongside things like posting Happy Birthday messages and making a fuss about people on the company Teams chat group to try and foster a 'work family' type environment - these are people at the company I might not have ever spoken to at work but now I'm having to wish them Happy Birthday,I find it so fake and cringeworthy. A couple of weeks ago she arranged a Zoom cocktail making thing one afternoon for the last hour of the day, I don't really do these types of things as it just isn't my thing and now that I'm in my late 30's don't really go to work for the social side of things as I have my friends outside of work. She told me that as part of my role I am not just expected to attend but to lead the social initiatives. This will be the case I imagine when we eventually return to the office and will include after work events. It's actually my worst nightmare.
Other things that have really caused me a lot of stress;
- Lack of boundaries as she will regularly text me on my days off to ask if I've done something - it is usually non-urgent and something I have on my to-do list but she can't switch off from even a minor admin task until it is done. When I brought up contacting me whilst I was on leave in a 121 she said that support teams can never really switch off.
- She will use Teams to send me messages throughout the day which are basically her train of thought about how she is feeling about work I've done that isn't to her standards (she's a perfectionist), it just feels like constant criticism as well as being a constant distraction.
- I used to feel really empowered and never really hesitated to do something in a proactive way but now due to the micromanaging feel I have to run everything I do by her.
- Using Teams to foster the culture and drive employee engagement by posting on it like it is social media for example alongside the birthday messages on Teams I am expected to post motivational quotes and ask how everyone's weekend was and things like that.
- Use my own personal social media to promote the company and regularly post on Linkedin in particular.
- I feel like I have to constantly have to be the person she wants me to be, it's almost controlling really and I think she justifies it by thinking she is helping my career development, if I question something in my role she will say that 'as a HR professional you are expected to do this' or something along those lines.
I have tried to empathise with her and understand that perhaps throwing herself into work has been her way of getting through the pandemic. She is probably under huge amounts of stress from her superiors too as wellbeing and peoples general happiness will fall under her remit so she is doing what she thinks is best to keep staff turnover low and try to show that we are still working as HR has always tended to be in the background due to the confidential nature of it. But it feels so overwhelming and I am at the point where I literally dread my job. I also think, despite this post, that she is a nice person with a good heartsofeel guilty anddislike myself for having developed such a negative outlook upon her as a manager.
I guess I feel very down towards having chosen HR as a career path now and realised quite a while back that I should move on, however as you can imagine finding a new job is easier said than done at the moment. I am trying to concentrate on finding a job in a more analytical side of HR as I think that might be where my speciality might lie rather than a similar role to what I am currently doing although it would be good to hear what others who mightalso work in HR think. I'm also wondering if this is the way the working world is going with this kind of millennialculture - are other workplaces like this particularly in London? Maybe I'm in the wrong industry. I also suffer from a bit of imposter syndrome which I think is why I've stuck it out at this place for so long and rarely do any job hunting but I feel so burnt outand anxious from this job now that it has reached the point where I feel I have to get out even if it means a paycut.
I also wondered if anyone has any experience in asking for a settlement agreement to leave because their job description had changed from what they signed up for and whether or not it might be something worth considering asI don't think I can afford to hand in my notice without having something else lined up or a settlement that would see me through until I got a new job. My reason for thinking that this might be a good option is that I have had to sit in quite a few settlement conversations since the new management team came in so know what the general payouts have been and also it would allow my boss and management to get someone else in who will be on board with their vision and culture. I do worry about how my boss would react though as she would probably see it as reflecting badly on her as a manager, I also know that despite not probably being the type of enthusiastic employee they want, I am very competent, reliable and valued by others so they might be hesitant to agree to it based on that as they might see it as a gamble and cost to recruit someone else.
I'd be very grateful for any advice.