Hi everyone 
I finished work 14/02/2020 and I'm due to go back to work in 5 weeks time, I've taken the full 12 months and also a few weeks annual leave so essentially had 13 months maternity leave. During my maternity it's all been in lockdown pretty much so it's been a bit pants because I've not been able to do the things I planned on doing with my DS during my maternity leave. The other issue was that he antenatally diagnosed at two days old with three heart defects and had major open heart surgery at nine days old which we are still learning how to deal with now. Because of DS having cardiac issues we have been advised that any future children are at higher risk of having heart related issues so we've decided not to have anymore children and just have our DS, this has made me have this constant awareness that I will only ever have one maternity leave during my lifetime. I suppose my question is- what is it like adjusting back to work life? I imagine the anticipation is far worse than reality but I am absolutely dreading going back, I will be working full time 10 hour shifts, 4 on 4 off and DS will luckily be with my mum for childcare. I sadly can't afford to go part time as we've just taken on a bigger mortgage but because we nearly lost DS I just want to spend as much time as possible with him because I just appreciate that he's alive and also it's likely that his heart will need more procedures further down the line. I know deep down it will most likely do me good to have some adult normality but for me personally I enjoy all the daft things like not being able to finish a hot drink or having to worry about how to occupy him all day or being exhausted because he was up several times in the night etc because I realise that I was very very very close to losing him so I appreciate everything about being a mum.
I know this is a bit of a ramble but I hope this makes sense. Thanks for reading and take care