Wellbeing agenda at work is causing weird behaviour

[Waferbiscuit]

I work for a large charity which in the last 3-4 years has really embraced wellbeing and mental health (MH) at work. We’ve introduced new policies to support MH, have had MH awareness campaigns, MH first aid training, and staff wellbeing is always on management’s agenda. This is all good and I’m very supportive of it – on a personal level I had a suicide in my immediate family so am very much support this change.

However I am started to feel dubious about how this wellbeing agenda is playing out in the work environment and the changes I’ve seen in the large team I manage.

The first thing I’ve noticed is the number of staff coming to me and (over)sharing their problems in this more ‘open environment’. People are telling me about their relationship problems, health scares, detailed arguments with their friends, debt issues, boyfriend breakups, family conflicts etc etc. I’ve always had good relationships with my managers but never shared much, even in stressful times (divorce, pregnancy loss, illness etc) because I never feel it was necessary or professional. Now things have really changed and I have people telling me about their feelings and experiences on an almost daily basis. I am a good listener but not a trained therapist and I also don’t have the time or energy to handle all this.

Secondly, so many people have come forward with stress, depression or anxiety (more than 50% of my team) and are demanding adjustments – these range from more flexible working, WFH, different work set ups, buying lights to help with SAD and changes to their work programmes. This is fine but it’s hugely time consuming to sort. It’s also causing issues with allocation of work. Our work sometimes requires last minute activity and those who are more vocal about their wellbeing won’t do it so the work always then has to be given to the willing or ‘resilient’ staff.

Finally wellbeing upmanship seems to happening a lot more in the last year. This is where someone claims their problems are greater than someone else’s. I was required to furlough a portion of my team this year and some staff came to me saying they ‘had to be furloughed’ because they ‘couldn’t cope’ with the current environment and I felt pushed into furloughing them over others. I think people forget that while the stress they feel is real it doesn’t mean they are more stressed than someone else. As a manager I have to be objective and assume that the staff member who lost a relative to Covid might be more stressed than the person who didn’t. But apparently, nope, I’m wrong – someone else is always having a harder time!

In summary, I very much support the MH and wellbeing agenda but find how it’s playing out a bit odd. Has anyone else noticed this?

Before I am pilloried, and I’m sure I will be, my team have generally been happy, the environment is not too high pressured, and before someone says I’m a crap manager I’ve had positive 360 degree evaluations and positive feedback from staff.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl to your point below:
The language you use is quite telling. "Demanding adjustments" and "someone else is always having a harder time!" You talk about them like petulant children and you clearly think they aren't really suffering and are just using MH as an excuse to get their own way.I don't think your workplace's wellbeing agenda is causing problems. I think your prejudice is.

It's always easy to dismiss a manager's concerns (or anyone you disagree with on Mumsnet) by saying they must be a shit manager. But, as I note above I've done a good job of managing teams for 30 years but am noticing how the changing landscape is having what I believe is a negative impact. Raising my concerns about what this change has meant to people's behaviour and work culture doesn't make me a bad manager.

That sounds horrific. I find the idea of any personal vulnerabilities being the subject of office gossip, horrendous. I think there's a very fine line between people, and employers, being kind and them using your difficulties against you. That can change in a moment, with the ebb and flow of office politics and management trends. For that reason, I would be very reluctant to share anything personal with an employer.

I suspect that a lot of people feel similarly self-protective and, as a result, many of the people who might most need a bit of extra flexibility and understanding would be the least likely to come forward and ask for it.

How do the vulnerabilities people present to you relate to medical diagnoses? Are they generally self-reported, or do they seek diagnosis and medical advice?

Sounds like the wellness culture has a huge negative impact on your wellness

^

It actually seems to be this more than anything else

The numbers of staff reporting mental health difficulties in your team is looking alarmingly high, resilience seems low and maybe that is something that needs to be actively investigated instead of the company blindly following "Wellness Initiatives". It must be having a huge impact on the efficiency of your team.

I think that we are in an adjustment period.

This kind of cultural change in the workplace is normally quite slow over time whereas the pandemic has given it an enormous shove and people are learning how to cope in this environment.

At the same time there is a mental health and wellbeing crisis going on so its very possible all this sharing is needed because of where we are.

As managers its very draining. We may be feeling these things too but we need to listen and empathise to everyone else's experiences too. The addition of all this extra emotion on top of your own is not good for your wellbeing.

I think (hope) that as the pandemic eases, the restrictions ease, the weather gets better that a lot of people's welbeing will improve along with their mood and outlook and then they can get on with it and support can be focused on those who are still struggling.

But bad behaviour should still be dealt with, even in this environment using your HR policies.

Wellbeing upmanship - its always been a thing its just got a new name and its carried out by the people who always did it. The office martyr who works 'harder' and 'longer' with more things on his to-do list than anyone else who talks over everyone else etc.

My workplace is like this, and it borders on unprofessional to me because people discuss their issues openly so know each other’s private business, and it basically becomes gossip under the guise of ‘concern’. I know things about colleagues in other departments, and I’ve only spoken to them once or twice in a work capacity. I’ve known when concern has been raised to their line managers, before the colleague has been informed themselves.

But there is a culture of openness, and the expectation that people will share their problems with the wider team because of trust. I get that this is a positive in many ways for many people, but I am a naturally private person (I’m happy to listen to others though), and there is a bit of a vibe that I’m not a team player because I don’t spill my guts in team catch ups.

I’m not in a management position but senior management have discussed really personal things about other members of my immediate team because they assumed I know about it (because everyone else does).

I get why it is a positive, I really do, but it has got to a point where professional boundaries are extremely blurred.

For some, like me, it has the opposite effect, as I wouldn’t ever feel comfortable going to my manager with really personal issues that could be affecting my work, as it just gets discussed with the wider team. The intention is probably good, in that it lets the team know there might be need for a bit of leeway work wise, but honestly it would probably make me feel worse.

@StareIntotheMaggotDrawer - That's what I struggle with - I think the encouragement to share feelings becomes gossip and people's personal experiences aren't kept confidential. And no matter what we claim about 'non-judgement' there is judgement placed against those colleagues unable to cope. I just feel you share your problems at your peril!

We had a senior manager share their inability to cope with managing the project they were on with the team including the client. With their agreement, a new project manager was brought in. On reflection while it worked in the sense that it took pressure off them - it took all their work off them too - their team had no idea they weren't coping until they shared and after they shared, no one wanted to ask them to do anything - I'm not sure how they could have ever built the confidence up again to be trusted to run such a big project - not that they wanted to, they left taking a massive pay cut and a job that was well beneath their abilities.

This just seems so ill-conceived. If your employer wants to invest in wellbeing, they have to invest, in wellbeing.

That is, if they want you and other managers to give time to hearing and assessing the seriousness of your staff members' mental health issues, personal struggles and vulnerabilities, they need to provide you with the time and training to enable you to do this, or train and expand the HR team, or outsource it to a professional counselling and mental health service.

I would hate to have to talk to an untrained, inexpert manager about deeply personal issues and would have no confidence in their ability to deal with the demands this expectation places upon them.

This has nothing to do with your willingness to take account of your team-members' needs for reasonable adjustments. That is part of your management role. Acting as an assessor, to determine the nature and magnitude of their issues and the level of adjustment needed though, that is not your job.

[quote Waferbiscuit]@StareIntotheMaggotDrawer - That's what I struggle with - I think the encouragement to share feelings becomes gossip and people's personal experiences aren't kept confidential. And no matter what we claim about 'non-judgement' there is judgement placed against those colleagues unable to cope. I just feel you share your problems at your peril![/quote]
Yes, there's a young man in my work who's been off since the beginning of the first covid lockdown (but he'd been off work before with stress). It is a stressful job but the rest of us manage it and we're older, we have kids, I'm a single parent with kids.... so we are not being unkind but we do wonder why this 20 something with no children cannot cope with the job we divorced / married mums of tots/teens seem to be able to deal with. None of us have ever gossiped about him. We all hope he comes back! When he's well though. In his unlocked desk drawer there were boxes of generic xanax. I can't remember what it was called. Not xanax but the same thing. So he wasn't faking it. He was genuinely clinging on by a thread.

Yes, and I would rather school noticeboards were full of information about how to get involved in sports, community and future career prospects rather than helplines and wellbeing agenda. Our attention is turned too inwards on our thoughts. Life is hard, it always has been. Fulfilment comes from productivity, close relationships and relaxing time off. Not from reduced demand. Sick leave aside.

The Buddhists would say we have unrealistic expectations of life being good all the time and when those expectations are not met we feel miserable

It's always easy to dismiss a manager's concerns (or anyone you disagree with on Mumsnet) by saying they must be a shit manager.

It's also easy to dismiss different opinions by deciding posters are being dismissive beforehand.

There are clear examples of poor management in your OP, although that doesn't make you an overall bad manager. You made furlough decisions based on who complained loudest to you. You think your team is exaggerating or making up mental health problems to get working patterns they like. You disproportionately allocate urgent work because some people kick up a fuss about it. This is all poor management, and you absolve yourself of responsibility by blaming it all on a wellbeing agenda.

There are clear examples of poor management in your OP, although that doesn't make you an overall bad manager. You made furlough decisions based on who complained loudest to you. You think your team is exaggerating or making up mental health problems to get working patterns they like. You disproportionately allocate urgent work because some people kick up a fuss about it. This is all poor management, and you absolve yourself of responsibility by blaming it all on a wellbeing agenda.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl - Fair point above but there's the theory of management practice and then there's the reality. In theory I should apportion furlough fairly but in practice what do you do when someone's saying they can't cope and need full or part-time furlough? In theory the work programme should be apportioned fairly and systems in place to deal with last minute requests, but the reality is work often needs to get done at the last minute especially in my line of work and it is often the more flexible and resilient who can and are willing to take it on. Try allocating urgent work to someone who won't do it and wasting time explaining why they must get it done when they won't.

Finally I never said I thought people were making up wellbeing problems to get working patterns they liked - I said they were asking for adjustments based on the well being issues which they were experiencing and my complaint was that it was causing operational issues and issues around delivery of work. It's a fair point since work needs to get done at work. I don't think our office is extremely demanding so have to wonder why 50% of staff are claiming stress or concerns about their mental health.

At the end of the day there is the theory of management, where everything works the way you suggest above, and then there is the reality of working life where work comes in at the last minute, where staff vary in their capabilities and where you have to do your best as a manager to make it work.

Surely you ask for medical evidence of their inability to cope?

I'm not seeing any medical or professional mental health knowledge, assessment or support, in any of this. I find that deeply concerning, for everyone's sakes.

There's a few separate issues in all of this OP.

If members of your team are diagnosed with a mental illness then it's reasonable for them to have adjustments put in place in a way that overall allows the team to function. If people are jumping on a wellbeing movement to try and get what they want, or avoid having to do a fairly central part of the job (such as the tight deadlines) then they are unreasonable and as a manager you need to manage. You need to also have the backing of your manager to ensure that the needs of the team are prioritised, and that work is allocated in a fair way to all staff. Operationally the team has to run and the work has to be done, so your manager would be a good person to speak to if there's a conflict between these new requests and the demands of the organisation.

When it comes to oversharing, I'm with you on this. Managers are there to talk to and a good manager is aware that someone's personal life might affect their professional life. When I suffered a close bereavement, my manager knowing I was having a rough time made a huge difference because although I did my job well, they cut me some slack on the extras for a while and checked in with me. Being aware of your team, doesn't mean it's appropriate for the team to use the manager as an unpaid therapist or engage in similar emotional vampire behaviour.

@lottiegarbanzo

Surely you ask for medical evidence of their inability to cope?

I'm not seeing any medical or professional mental health knowledge, assessment or support, in any of this. I find that deeply concerning, for everyone's sakes.

What medical evidence would you be expecting?

You think your team is exaggerating or making up mental health problems to get working patterns they like.

On the other hand, I think any manager who isn't alert to the fact that some employees may do this (not all, by any stretch of the imagination) is extremely naive. Without a doubt, some people will take advantage for personal gain. There have always been a small minority employees who try to exploit the system and this is a new way for them to do it.

Waferbiscuit I also manage a team, so I'm well aware of theory vs practicality. But it's in no way unrealistic to expect a manager to allocate work fairly, even if some of the team will complain about it. Part of the reason we're paid more than our managees is because we have to make and implement unpopular decisions and deal with members of the team who refuse to do their job. We can't allocate work unfairly to make life easier for ourselves.

@EmotionalEllie

You think your team is exaggerating or making up mental health problems to get working patterns they like.

On the other hand, I think any manager who isn't alert to the fact that some employees may do this (not all, by any stretch of the imagination) is extremely naive. Without a doubt, some people will take advantage for personal gain. There have always been a small minority employees who try to exploit the system and this is a new way for them to do it.

I agree I have seen advice being given on this board on how to manipulate the system if your employer has refused your reduced hours request.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl We can't allocate work unfairly to make life easier for ourselves.

I get it. But what happens when staff won't take on work allocated because they say it is affecting their wellbeing? That's part of the point of the thread - how do we manage concerns about wellbeing/stress/anxiety that aren't medical diagnoses but for which staff expect flexibility/lenience/care?

You make clear to them that that is not their decision to make. They are not free to refuse to work, or to refuse unpopular tasks. You're the manager, you allocate the work. You will take everybody's needs into account, so far as is reasonably possible, when doing this.

If someone is actually refusing to do their job, after all reasonable adjustments have been offered, (to the extent mandated by your company's higher-ups, as part of this fabby wellbeing policy of theirs), then you instigate disciplinary procedures against them.

Your problem seems to be that this so-called policy is not a policy. It's a nebulous notion that nobody has bothered to develop or implement properly.

I do notice a generational thing of now everyone has anxiety issues and if there is a hint that an employee’s performance may not be where it needs to be, or if a disciplinary is pending, poof! - off they go on sick leave. (I’m an older millennial myself so no need to ok boomer me.) I do think many people these days confuse being a bit stressed with an actual anxiety disorder.

I completely agree with you OP and I don't really like it either.

Personally, I actually like keeping my work and personal lives separate. I don't particularly like sharing personal information with my colleagues (what I did at the weekend or where I'm going on holiday, fine - a recent family bereavement, not so much.) But this now seems to be frowned upon. We have to 'be authentic' which apparently means talking about our feelings and vulnerabilities to our colleagues.

I also get frustrated by the amount of work time we have to dedicate to mental health, wellbeing and resilience initiatives. If colleagues are struggling then without a doubt resources should be in place to help them and I fully agree with support initiatives like mental health first aiders, employee counselling etc.

However, I've got a busy week ahead and the most stressful part is how I meet all my deadlines when I'm having to dedicate half a day to a mandatory workshop about wellbeing and protecting my mental health.

I think you really need to request to see some defined parameters for this policy, from your manager. If that fails, seek guidance from them every time there is a conflict of interest between the company's business needs and your collective staff's self-defined wellbeing needs.

The intra-team conflicts between individual staff, ought to be something you can deal with.